Writing Feedback / Essay about independency and a choice between living with family or moving out [6]

Essay topic: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Living with my family is important and essential to me. I'm a young adult,and I prefer to stay
apart with my parents than moving outside. There are several reasons as followed.
In the first place,as the price of renting an apartment getting higher and higher,living at home
saves money. It would probably save about one hundred and fifty dollars a month. As a taxi driver,it is a large number to me.

In the second place,living at home improves the relationship between me and my family. I could
stay with my parents,my grandmother,my younger brother,and my younger sister. In the weekend,my uncle usually visit our house,bringing his family. By having a family reunion every week,we shares happiness and joy.

In the third place,my grandmother needs my help. She has an disease in her lungs,and she couldn't walk by herself that she always sit on the wheelchair. Moreover,my parents are getting older,and they might feel tired taking care of her. Thus,I am the one who is responsible and suitable to take care of my grandma.

In conclution,taking good care of my family,having a good relationship,and saving money is such a wonderful thing to me. So I prefer to live in my original house.

Writing Feedback / 'young have longer lifetime left' - young people or old people enjoy life better [3]

The topic of people's view on whether young people or old people enjoy life better can be approach from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to prefer young people while others seem to prefer old people. I have also developed my own point of view as well. I favor the former position,that is,I think young people enjoys life more than older people do.

First,we are more energetic than a seventy-years-old person. We could do anything we want,such as bungi-jumping,deep diving,and skate-boarding,which might be too dangerous for an old man to do. For example,on Sunday afernoon,I could make a choice between playing basketball in the park or watching TV at home. However,my grandfather is too old for extreme exercise. Therefore,he lose the chance to play basketball.

Second,older people carry more responsibility and pressure. Family and work are two main reasons why the stress formed. On the other side,we students only have to focus on our own studies,and do anything we want in our spare time. Since we don't need to worry about our life,we have more opportunity to enjoy life. For instance,my mother and I lead a different life. She has to work for nine hours a day from 8 A.M. to 5 P.M. After work,she goes home and cook dinner for me. In contrast,all I have to do is concentrate on my studies which seems much easier to handle than my mom's stuff.

Finally,young people have longer lifetime left than the elders do. There might be over fifty years
from now on till our deaths. In contrast,old people only have a few years left. For me,I could
schedule my life and make great plans like travelling to Japan in two years,buying a new car in five
years,getting married in ten years,climbing the highest mountain in China in twenty years. Those
things mentioned wouldn't be a plan of an eighty-years-old woman.
If all these situations have been considered,I think the advantage of youngster carry more weight than those of elderly. From the mentioned reasons above,I may finally draw a conclusion that young people enjoys life more than old people do.

P.S. I've wondered if I should "SPACE" after each punctuation marks? Or just space after a period,but do not space after a comma?