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Posts by eternalclipz
Joined: Apr 24, 2011
Last Post: Apr 24, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: Philippines

Displayed posts: 7
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eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Scholarship / "The opportunity to be part of LSE" - Scholarship for LSE [7]

Hi, sorry if I can't provide a more meaningful reply. I got my hands tied, but I'll try to get back once I'm free. I've browsed through the essay and here are my comments.

I think there are some tense-verb agreement (I don't know exactly what its called) corrections needed. I spotted a few.

(1) Being an economic student drivedrove me to see a bigger picture.
(2) Pakistan's economy becomesbecame a fundamental topic
(3) I have experienceexperienced events which are outcomes

I'm a bit iffy about the breast cancer incident. It did not connect well with the paragraph or the essay, although it would be a great opening narrative if you could somehow integrate it successfully with the whole essay.

Cheers.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Graduate / Economics as the Science of Why/MSc Econ&Finance/Warwick/Feedback [4]

Here is my application essay for MSc Economics & Finance

Based on the form, the task is to write about your (1) special academic interest and (2) motivation for pursuing graduate studies

Any comment would be greatly appreciated. Please comment on the content, style, syntax, grammar, and tone of the essay. The limit is 4500 characters and my essay is just scores of characters away from the limit.

There are also a couple of dangling sentences. I'm not sure how to deal with it because for me it brings a certain tone to the sentence because it kind of emphasizes what the sentence is trying to say. Any suggestions of how to correct it without losing the tone?


The desire to pursue economics started with a book my brother bought for me in 2007, it was "Freakonomics" by Levitt and Dubner. It gave me the notion that the purpose of economics is to answer "why" questions, of why the thing are the way they are. The experience that led me to realize that I wanted to study economics was an econometrics project I did when I went to National University of Singapore, NUS, as an exchange student in the Fall of 2009. We were tasked to do a simple linear regression as a project. I chose the variables GDP and the number of top universities of a country, the latter being the regressor. The result was a strong positive relationship. The neoclassical and new growth theories are attempts to explain "why" economies grow. Even with just a simple regression, I added evidence for those theories. I was happy not so much because the professor commended my work and gave it an A+/A, but rather that I found myself enjoying the process of surveying literature and collecting & analyzing data.

From a notion, I gradually recognized that economics is really, as Levitt would say, a science with excellent tools to answer questions. But more than that, I'm attracted to economics because economists have a unique way of looking at the world. A mindset that pierces through the seemingly chaotic human behavior. Concepts such as there-is-no-free-lunch and comparative advantage are ingrained into their thinking. These make pursuing graduate studies a must for me. Not only to gain more knowledge of existing theories but to also the mindset and skills to apply economics to any discipline. This is why I was glad to learn of Warwick's CRETA, it shares my view that economics is an interdisciplinary subject.

I'm currently into financial economics. I was fascinated by the connection between finance & economics when I was doing my internship for an U.S. equity research firm based in the Philippines. Assigned to monitor several stocks and developments in the economy, I learned how even comments by Fed officials can create serious volatility in the markets. I used to think that finance is all about solving, but real-world finance, as I have learned, is inseparable from human behavior and politics. In line with this, I aim to increase my grasp of econometrics to deal with complications of pooled financial data; as well as get a command over quantitative models of international policy and trade. Another impetus for pursuing graduate studies is that after a stint in finance I aspire to be a professor teaching in the areas of finance & economics. My aim in teaching economics is not only to impart theories to students but, more importantly, the mindset and tools of an economist. So that after the semester is done, they can go off on their own asking and answering their own questions.

My undergraduate degree focused on applying operations research, which includes linear & non-linear programming and graph theory, to business. At this time I am currently studying for the CFA Level II exam, having passed Level I on the first try last December. I am confident that these have provided me with the necessary background and analytical framework to pursue an MSc in Economics and Finance. One would notice that my GPA for mathematics and first year were only average. In addition to adjusting to college during my first year, I was placed in advanced mathematics and had insufficient study skills. But I was able to transition well as can be seen in my GPA increasing the following years. Furthermore, my GPA in economics, finance, statistics, and operations research courses average above 3.6 (3.5 would be the equivalent of Upper second class honors).

I got excited after reading the profiles of international students, especially those featured in Shine. This reverberates closely with my experience in NUS where I was chosen to join Temasek Foundation's Leadership Enrichment and Regional Networking program. Under the program I was able to interact closely with other international students and would occasionally volunteer to help community groups. Throughout my stay I tutored marginalized kids and played with the mentally challenged. I even celebrated Moon Cake festival with the local elderly. Known for being an international cosmopolitan and a leading institution due to research and experienced teaching faculty, I have no doubt that studying in Warwick will give me the opportunities and environment to achieve my goals.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Scholarship / "The opportunity to be part of LSE" - Scholarship for LSE [7]

By any chance would the time you were having symptoms of breast cancer coincide with your undergraduate studies. You could add the breast cancer part into the second part to increase the gravity of your situation during that time at the same time freeing more space for the essay. What I found lacking was how you would use your studies to help the development of your country. Is it your dream to work in the central bank to help stabilize and promote growth through monetary policy? Or government/NGOs to help plan out fiscal policies? I'm just postulating with these examples but my point is that the idea of how you would use your studies to help your country could be developed more.

Sorry if I sound a bit arrogant, its, well, just how I write in English. Sorry for that haha. All the best.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Graduate / "My Great ambition" - admission of Fulbright ( journalism and communication) [5]

The first time I've heard about the Fulbright scholarship was when I was doing undergraduate degree. Since then, I've been hoping that I could join this program to continue my studies from Kabul University. Fortunately, I graduate from Kabul University with high marks (it would be great if you could use actual numbers or list the merits you've been awarded). I hope that I can achieve my objectives and goals through the Fulbright program - to be able to serve my people better.

It'd be great if you could provide us with the objectives or the question of the essay so that we could help you out more.

Sorry if I sounded arrogant. That's just the way I write in english, english is not my native language.

Well, my opinion is that you need to rewrite your essay. Not content wise. The vision and purpose is great. The problem is that, well, you're applying for graduate studies in Journalism. Journalism, well, demands an almost perfect grasp of english, if not perfect. Not to say that yours is poor. I've found lots of errors in your essay and my english level is nowhere near those of journalists.

But my hearts out to you for wanting to help your country. All the best.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / "to reassure his trust in me" - Do you believe you are a leader? Why or why not. [3]

I like how you are able to paint images with your essay.

You are able to meet what leader means according to your father's description/sense/idea of it.

Most vividly, I can remember an intense groan at a corner few meters from the church, I didn't have time to look for the source, but looking left I saw two skinny boys. -- I got a bit confused with this part. Why didn't you have time to look for the source? Or were you trying to say that you were looking the source but your eye caught two skinny boys and you then totally forgot about the groan? And I'm a bit iffy about your use of "Most vividly". I'm not sure why. Oh, and, too much commas on that part.

I trekked the 5 miles meters home -- miles/meters

"Promise you're a leader when you see a need and meet it," -- should there be a comma after promise? The word promise kind off throws me off. But that's me.

I liked it. Short, simple, and illustrative.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Graduate / Economics as the Science of Why/MSc Econ&Finance/Warwick/Feedback [4]

I do feel that I was able to satisfy the objectives, but at the same time the essay, at least for me, is quite lifeless. It doesn't have a good closure either. It might be a bit too much for me but It'd be great if I could somehow turn the essay into something "infectious", something that would make the reader smile.
eternalclipz   
Apr 24, 2011
Graduate / "My career goals" - Motivation Letter for Master in Economics [4]

Hi,

For me, the letter for motivation asks either/all of these questions: (1) What's your motivation for pursuing graduate studies? (2) Why economics? (3) Why at this programme at this institution ?

You've answered number 3, which according to the essay is the international environment that the programme provides.

I can't really see your answers in numbers 1 and 2. For the most part of your essay, you've highlighted your experience & qualifications but no motivation, atleast from my point of view.

You've mentioned that studying there will give you the opportunities and prerequisites needed to achieve your career goals. That's a motivation. Expound on it. What are your career goals? What's your immediate and 5-year career plan? How will the economics/graduate studies/instituion help you on your career goal?

You've mentioned that Public Economics is important for the future of the European Union. Is that partly why you're motivated to study economics? To help out your country and the EU?

Cheers. All the best to us. I'm also in the process of applying for an MSc in Economics.
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