Writing Feedback / The reasons for learning languages of 1000 native and non-native speakers [3]

Hi everyone,
This is my first post and i hope i will be getting feedback from fellow forumer as i am preparing for my upcoming IELTS test.

Thank you so much!
This is link for the bar chart:

Orange column: non-native speakers
Purple column: native speakers

The bar chart presents results of a questionnaire to find the reasons for learning languages of 1000 native and non-native speakers at a university in Australia. It is clearly seen that non-native speakers have more motives for learning languages than native speakers.

The results can be devised into three main reasons: the requirements for works, the essential for studying and individual hobbies.
The requirements for works are the reasons that both students of non-native speakers and native speakers choose most. 90% and 92% of non-native speakers think that learning language is useful for work and improves job prospects; 52% and 70% of native speakers have the same ideals. In contrast, just only 25% of native speakers and 65% of non-native speakers consider learning languages is important for studying.

There are four reasons about individual hobbies in this chart. In this group, the least popular reason among native speakers is enjoyment and among non-native speakers is improvement own languages, while usefulness for travel has the highest rate of both.

In conclusion, it is clear that non-native speakers are more positive about learning languages than native speakers.

Writing Feedback / Ielts writing: Wealthy countries still have many poor members [NEW]

Hi everyone, please read and correct this essay. Have a nice weekend :D
Question: Although many countries are becoming richer, these societies still have members who are poor and struggle each day to survive. Why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer citizens?

Essay:
Through the developing of humanity, poverty always is one of the serious problems in not only poor countries but also wealthy countries. Although developed countries have a lot finance condition to raise the life standard of people, they cannot erase the poor in some parts of their nation.

There are a number of reasons why poverty sill exists in affluent nations. The first thing I mention is unemployment. The requirement about quality of labor in these countries is very high, while big companies choose manual labors from developing countries because of cheaper work force. Hence, unemployment rate escalate in rich nations. Another reason is the immigration. A lot of people from under-develop countries try to leave their nation to others wealthy countries with their hopes in better life. However, they do not have knowledge and abilities to find a job, so they become out of employment. Lastly, the global economic crisis affects every respects of people life. Economic crisis increases the unemployment rate, bankrupts a lot of company. In addition, it makes the rising inflation, so the prices of basic goods, housing, healthcare insurance are higher too much that people cannot afford for that.

It is too hard to find an effective solution to combat these problems; however we have some measures to reduce poverty. The government should subsidize some of the basic needs of their poor citizens and make new policies to reduce unemployment rate and boost the economy. For example, the supporting local company by lowering taxes or concession loan is a good way to create a lot of new job for citizen.

In conclusion, this issue is not the new but it is always a trouble of every policy maker all over the world. I think to solve this problem, we not only expect actions from government or international organizations, but also support poorer citizens to help them have a better life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: The generation gap between older and younger people [2]

The generation gap between older and younger people in most countries in the world is simply too wide to be bridged. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

When the cultural and economic integrations spread in over the world, one of the problems are the distance between two generations (older and younger) is more and more increased so that some people think it seem to be too difficult to heal.

The generational differences have existed throughout history. The root of these differences comes from the misunderstanding between members in their family. The older people always want their children allow every what they said, because they think it is the best for their children life. Nevertheless, the younger people do not like their parents intervene too much in their life; they want to show their abilities that they can do a lot of things without the supports of father and mother. In addition, with the development of the economy and the rapid change of culture, this gap seems to be more and more increase. Firstly, the world changes everyday and the younger too, they immediately afford all the news. For example, Vietnamese teenagers idolize styles of some Korean singers and they try to make up how to similar with their idols although older people think it is represent a bad person. Secondly, many parents immerse themselves into earning money, so they do not have enough time to talking with their children and understand what they really need. Some children complain that they often stay at home alone because their parent busy all day.

In the other hand, in most countries in the world, throughout their history, always has a connected line between the previous and next generations. They are citizens in their countries, they have their own culture and the most importance is they have a same aim which is contribution to the development and protection of their nation. They may be different in hobbies, styles, and so on, but with their love for their country, every gap between two generations can be cancelled.

In conclusion, it is the fact that the generation gap always exists in our life. The older and younger should have more time to understand each other.

Welcome your corrections :D