Undergraduate / "Elaborate on one of your Extracurriculars: Public Speaking" - Common App [3]

I suffered many a nervous breakdown in the early phases of my speaking career, but, as I continued to force myself to attend speech club and compete in speech and debate tournaments, I gained confidence and skill that allowed me to win state titles in public speaking, and, in this case, present speeches to organizations like the Oregon Teachers Union.

Your essay was beautifully formed but there are a couple sentences that are not portrayed clearly. To me its not but otherwise your essay was perfection.

Writing Feedback / 'Moin!' - Essay about cultural identity [2]

When you walk on the pier of Hamburg's harbor on a cloudy morning and somebody nods to you, saying 'Moin!', it neither has to mean that he is tired nor that he doesn't know any English - 'Moin' is the Northern German greeting for every time of the day. I picked the image of a dock worker wishing himself back to bed to escape from the rainy day because it is a cliché situation of Northern German language and culture, which I am proud to be a part of.

As a child, I didn't really think about these words in my own vocabulary that were so unfamiliar to my cousins from Heidelberg. I didn't think about being the youngest in my family, the little one, or, according to my parents, the 'lüdde'. My father is definitely a Hamburg lover who doesn't even want to let go our 'Moin' on vacation. In fact, he has piqued my curiosity about Low German in one of these moments when he greeted a hotel receptionist in London. I was almost shocked about the man simply answering 'Good Morning', not knowing that he had just made the connection between my home town and English-speaking countries jump out at me.

Having so many anglistic terms in a people's slang is unique to the area of Hamburg, as much as having a harbor is what makes this city so special: my favorite books about Captain Cook's expeditions or the traditional spice trade taking place at the harbor of Hamburg allowed me to create a vivid imagination of two seamen smoking their cigar while trying to make a conversation. Nowadays, neither a German nor an English-speaking dock worker would care about raising their bottle or 'buddel' to celebrate the get-together.

After my striking enlightenment about the analogy between English and Low German, my father taught me much more about this special slang, not forgetting about what it implies to the speaker's attitude. Very few people are still able to speak Low German entirely, but those who can are almost exceptionally afflicted with a straightforward, relaxed and rather tight-lipped personality. Where asnobody would probably acknowledge me of the latter. I think that people influence their language as much as their language has an influence on them. Using Low German words feels particularly right to me because it reminds me of my family making me feel at home. Just as researchers claim yawning to be an expression for pleasure and relaxation, a y'all in the Southern United States and a 'Moin' in Hamburg has a touch of tradition and originality. To me, it has always been a priority to experience a sense of belonging and to make others feel comfortable whenever I can. I have language found to be a key for achieving this goal, and the best thing about it is that especially my fascination about Low German has shown me that living in Northern Germany is not all about rainy days by the sea.

I quite enjoyed your paper it was quite interesting. First thing I highlighted a few sentences because the word choice was a little off there. I apologize for not being able to provide you with a replacement but I would consider rearranging those sentences. Remember also you don't always have to use long sentences, using commas once in a while is good but try to have more of a combination of short and long sentences. It helps the paper flow better. When you use the name Hamburg be cautious how many times you use it in one paragraph and make sure not to over use it. Very interesting paper as they say " You learn something new everyday."