Undergraduate / Help~ Essay for music school [NEW]

Hello. I would greatly appreciate your help on my essay. lots of critisisms please@!!! Please help me to make my essay more 'flowy' and connected and tell me if i answered the question and how I could make my opening more catchy. thanks so much!

As you prepare to pursue a career in music, theatre, or dance, what are your thoughts on the relationship between arts and the society?How relevant has your art been to your community and to you?

"On a hill far away--." A lady on the wheel chair tapped her feet to the beat, tightly grasping on a towel. "I love that old cross where the dearest--"echoed more voices around me. Music is a form of language without words, so powerful that has the ability to make people happy, sad, and peaceful.

I started to volunteer as a pianist in the Health and Rehabilitation Center in the Burcham Hills nursing home during the summer. It was a way that I could challenge myself to perform comfortably in front of an audience. I would speak through my performance of Debussy's Arabesque while the residents understood me through my voice, the piano, despite their fading ability to communicate or understand. In return, I would receive gestures of appreciation. I was also moved to find that some were able to recall lyrics and titles of hymns despite their ability to recall names and places. Through this experience, I have discovered that music allows intimate communication by capturing feelings and expressions that cannot be put into words.

Music has also helped me through adversities in my life. During my tough transition from Madison to Michigan, I was able to escape my loneliness through the piano and it was the one way I could restore my confidence and the emptiness inside me. My joy, anger, and sadness were reflected through the piano. To me, it is a form of expression and creativity that is so unique, that cannot be compared to anyone else's.

I plan to study piano performance not for the worth of a dollar sign or fame, but to develop what I have and to further shape my character with perseverance and patience.

Undergraduate / "emos" University of Michigan; grammar check [2]

Prompt: Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University.

She was drenched in pure black from head to toe. Her black hair draped her face as she sat quietly in the corner, fidgeting with her black pencil. In another words, she was what I assumed to be, an 'emo'. I have always generalized 'emos' as people who wear black because they are emotionally distressed.

My legs quivered as I nervously sat next to the girl. "Uh..Heey. I'm suppose to be your partner for today." Silence. She looked up with her eyes smudged with thick lines of black eyeliner. "Oh yeah. Hi, my name is Melissa." Her voice was warm and bright as she answered me back with the most gleaming smile. Woah. I did not see that coming. I sighed with relief. My fears dissipated, and I was moved by her friendly gesture toward me, that I didn't expect to receive. I was moved by her confidence to portray herself in an unconventional style. She did not try to fit in with the crowd, with COACH get bags and Abercrombie and Fitch sweaters. I have learned that the cover of the book does not you the points, but the character of each individual. I don't have to be molded to be accepted by the public. I can be myself with my personalities and interests.

My mysterious friend of mine became my companion, and tutor who taught me a valuable lesson to cast aside my prejudice that kept me from knowing her real character. When we detach ourselves from stereotypical views, our community will be strengthened and gain more respect for others as more members are able to participate. I believe that this allows intellectual and social exchange of ideas, and form relationships that can lead to mutual respect, as Melissa and I have. I hope to contribute to University of Michigan as I strive to respect and open up to meeting new people.

Undergraduate / the relationship between arts and the society - another music essay [2]

Prompt: 2. As you prepare to pursue a career in music, theatre, or dance, what are your thoughts on the relationship between arts and the society? How relevant has your art been to your community and to you?

"Um...hii." Silence. "Okay...well...I will play a piece called ...uh..Arabesque by Debussy. I hope you like it..." my voice trailed off. I began to volunteer in the Health and Rehabilitation Center as a pianist in Burcham Hills, a nursing home a few blocks away from my house. I wanted to practice performing in front of an audience as well as do good to the community. An elderly woman with a frown tightly grasped onto a roll of towel, while another resident sighed as she leaned against her bony arm. I have always thought that elderly people prefer songs like "You are My Sunshine" and "Amazing Grace" over classical music. Was it mistake to play the wonders of Beethoven, Chopin and Debussy? Would they disapprove my performance?

My shivering hands touched the cold surface of the piano as I began the piece. Soon, all my fears dissipated away as everything came to life through the piece. Heaven's door opened and the sun peeked slowly out of the cotton candy clouds. My heart fluttered and the grace of Arabesque swirled throughout the solarium. The final notes faded into the light. I smiled not because of the small claps of appreciation, but because I saw smiles on their faces, that I have impacted them with my performance.

I am able to overcome my hardships by sharing my joy, sadness, and anger to my audience through piano. Music is essential to the society, because it provides a way to communicate by capturing expressions that cannot be put into words. I believe music has the power to emotionally impact the life of each individual unlike any other, as it did to the residents of the nursing home.

Undergraduate / a setback that you have faced and how it was resolved - essay [3]

Please help me edit my grammar, and I am open to any criticisms!!!

Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

The monotonous high-pitched alarm vibrated in my ears. Herds of starving students rushed across the halls to the cafeteria as soon as the blessed lunch bell rang. Despite my growling stomach, I dreaded going to the cafeteria. I refused to be a loser at an empty table. This past summer, I moved from Wisconsin to Michigan as a result of my mother's job transfer. I was forced to leave the Korean-American community that I was so integrated within.

I walked hesitantly to the table of friendly faces as I felt trampled by a crowd of skinny legged girls. As I contemplated on what I should do, thousands of thoughts rushed into my head. Contemplating on what I should do, I thousand rushed into my head. First, people tend to ignore Asians, because we were apparently the "slanted eyes", "lemon heads" and the "book nerds." Moreover, I did not trust my abilities of making friends. I would usually stutter or blurt out something really stupid unintentionally. And I was not sure if they would accept my Korean- American beliefs and ideas since I was assimilated to a Korean-American community since my immigration to the United States. Because we were from the same culture, it was easy for me to be accepted into their circle.

I nervously approached to the girl in the corner of the table. "Um...hey, can I sit here?" A sigh of relief calmed my uncontrollable heartbeat when the redhead gave me an affirmative reply. But as I opened the crusty cardboard bag, a stench of wet socks surrounded the table. Ugh. It was the smell of fried rice and eggs. I tried to hide the container with my lunch bag as I struggled to secretly scoop out the pearly grains. "Hey what is that?" asked the redhead. Oh no. My heart thumped with the fear of being abandoned as I expected a look of disgust from my fellow lunch companions. But they were apparently big fans of Asian food. As we shared bits of fried rice and cheese sticks, I felt welcomed by their interest in my culture and personalities. I could actually fit in, just being myself. I did not have to be the timid, scared girl, who was afraid to speak out for the fear of rejection by the public. A boost of confidence sparked inside of me as we chatted about our schedules and teachers.

During the multiple relocations and transitions, I have learned to overcome the fear in being confronted by new environments and in turn, recognize hardships as opportunities to develop character. I discovered to adjust my attitude to see the positives in myself by embracing my own qualities, culture, and beliefs. In the future, I may face the same challenge as I enter University of Michigan, but I believe I could meet it with more confidence and strength in my beliefs to adjust more quickly to this new environment.