Undergraduate / "more valuable than winning a contest" - a significant experience, its impact on you [7]

Hi, this is my essay for the Commonapp writing. I chose the topic "Evaluate a significant experience...and its impact on you", and below is my essay. I'd be grateful if you could give me some advice on the content and the grammar. Thanks...!

It was my first time to wear high heels. After a deep breath, I walked onto the stage: The magnesium lights were flashing my eyes and I was trying pretty hard to compose myself. Standing on the podium, I bowed, I smiled, and I started my speech. The topic was "2008, I'm learning".

"2008 has been a year of surprises...I'm learning to see the meaning of life..."

My instinct told me that something would be wrong. Facing the audience and the judges, I didn't feel the excitement I had expected. I was nervous! This competition was to be shown to the whole country and almost every high school student would watch this program! I told myself, "You can do it." But before long, I found myself totally blanked.

I forgot my speech.

Now that I think about it, I still praise myself for reacting so quickly. I said to myself: "you flew thousands of miles to Beijing, and you are not here to embarrass yourself!" Within a few milliseconds, I continued to talk, simply to avoid the awkward silence. I kept smiling, but I can clearly remember that I thought I was doomed. Everyone else was delivering their wonderful, well-prepared, inspiring speech, while I was there blabbering and smiling foolishly. The feeling of desperation flooded in my heart and all I wanted to do was run away. But I couldn't! The camera was on me and everybody in China would see me escaping as a coward! Then I gave up the thought and concentrated on what to say next. I was talking slowly, my voices contracted and I forgot my well-planned body movements. I didn't dare to look into the eyes of those judges because I was afraid that I might be distracted by them. Those several minutes were like a century to me.

I finally finished, bowed again, and walked down. I looked ahead, because I didn't want people to see my disappointment. I was feeling depressed and nervous, and I couldn't stop thinking about my lousy speech up there. People will see this! I just delivered my worst speech (or my best impromptu speech) in CCTV! Things were getting complicated in my mind; I wanted to smile but tears welled up in my eyes, I wanted to cry but I still composed a smile because a camera was following me at the backstage. I squeezed a smile apologetically to the camera, and kept silent from then on. A fierce fight was going on in my head: maybe the judges couldn't tell that I was giving an impromptu speech! Maybe I was as good as other contestants! But it was really probable that I got eliminated from the first round!

And then I started to remember those successful moments in my life -when I got my gold medals or ranked 1st in different competitions and performances held in my city, in my province or even in the southern area of China. From 6 to 17, I seldom experienced failure because I just have the knack of being the best in whatever area I'm competing. When I stood on stage I didn't have to worry about the results because I know I've worked hard and success would come to me.

However, that day in CCTV was very different. When all the contestants lined up on the stage, the judges were giving comments on our performances. My hands were like ice. One of the judges, a very handsome English man ruthlessly pointed out my grammatical mistake: "When you say 'challenges' use 'them' but not 'it'."

Without a doubt, I got eliminated. The program only allowed 10 people for the second round; I was not one of them. Luckily my rank in the 20 people was pretty close to 10, so this may be one good thing among all the upsetting events. After knowing the result, 10 of us walked off the stage. I had such a strong desire to cry; I walked directly into the bathroom and squatted on the floor, tears came out immediately. "It's over. The competition is over now." I had anticipated myself to be at least the third place of the national finals, but now everything had ended.

On the plane back to Guangzhou, I kept thinking about my really unusual experience in Beijing, and I was looking at it from a different perspective. Yes, the program would be broadcasted and everyone would see it. So what? I'm still one of the best contestants comparing to those millions of high school students who didn't even have the opportunity to come to CCTV! I don't need a gold medal to prove myself. I know I'm far more than that xxx(my name) people see on TV. On the plane an American sat next to me and we had such a pleasant talk. He said that I could speak English better than anyone else he had ever encountered in China. I told myself: "if the experience is some test of your ability to handle failure, then you've passed it."

I admit that I kind of messed up my one and only chance in high school to participate in such a big competition, but I wouldn't deny this is my best failure in my life. To know that you're good is something easy in life; to know that you can be better is much more valuable than winning a contest.

Undergraduate / Georgetown question: disscussion of "Significance" [3]

Georgetown requires applicants to "discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved".

Should I focus on the SIGNIFICANCE, or should I first describe the activity?
If the former, does Significance mean its importance and its influence on me?

Thanks!

Undergraduate / Guzheng (Chinese Zither) - Commonapp short answer, revision [NEW]

Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Here is my essay:

I picked up Guzheng (Chinese Zither) at the age of 7. For more than ten years, Guzheng has changed me into a completely different person. It has a history of 2000 years and relates closely with Chinese traditional culture. Almost every piece of music has its specific meaning which requires me to look up in ancient classics to find the origin of the music. When I'm playing, I devote myself to the music and I often gain different understanding. What is the musician trying to express? Whom did he dedicate the music to? Why was his intention of writing this piece of music? I often focus more on the sentiments than on the techniques; creating connections between the music and me has become a way to help me delve into the deeper levels of life. I don't simply play the notes; I try to tell a story. After so many years I have discovered that music has become part of my soul. Resonance occurs in me whenever I hear great music. It's not just like a friend; it has become the extension of me.

Please give some comments on my writing!
Thanks!

Undergraduate / "I love to deal with numbers" ..Another GTown essay.. [4]

APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business.

"For me, the most important reason why I want to study business is that I love to deal with numbers, to face changes, to overcome challenges and to predict the unpredictable things. Studying business provides me chances to keep up with the changing world.

The second reason is that China has gone through a drastic economic development in the last thirty years, and I am very interested in the whole process. And one good way for me to understand it is to learn business.

...

Undergraduate / Significant school activity [NEW]

Discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

Here is my first draft.

"To me, the most significant school activity is my student government job as the president of the League. Being one of the main leaders of the student union, I was responsible for the coordination of different apartments, the organization of three major evening shows every year and the various student activities.

Working in the student union broadened my horizons in a significant way. Standing in front of a crowd, I learned how to express my thoughts in the most efficient way. I have understood that confidence and resolution really matter in terms of leadership. I used to have cold feet before making public speeches; now I can speak to a crowd with self-assurance. I can definitely say that I have brought fresh air into the student union, and student union has changed me into a better person.

As the president of the League, dealing with people of different kinds was at first a challenge, but it soon turned out to be much rewarding. I never thought that making friends could be such an inspiring thing, but now I totally believe it. Finding out what students need and what they like was like a small adventure, and it always amazed me as I got to know people deeper. Every different life experience has made us into different people, and my student government job provided me the perfect opportunity to meet people and connect with them.

The student union is like "the smaller society", where people can find whatever they will see in the real society. Working in the student union gives me the courage to fight for the right things, and the approach to make things happen by using my own ability. I know that things would not come to you if you do not want it badly enough. Every little task was like realizing a dream for me. I fought for the betterment of the students' life, and I have always felt satisfied for my hard work.

I suppose that experience is a very important part of growing up. And my job at the student union has taught me many things that could not be learned through books. Every time when I finish a task or something, I always ask myself, "What have you learned? How would it help your future?" I had my successes, but I had setbacks, too. They made me feel painful, but more often I feel that failures are precious and worth my efforts.

My student union job has been the most significant activity for me. It changed me and made me become mature and thoughtful. "

Thank you!

Book Reports / What is a book that has inspired you? (Pourquoi) [7]

Hi, my prompt is: What is a book that has inspired you?
My choice is Pourquoi. I could really use some suggestions. Thanks.

After reading Jimmy Liao's book PourquoiI seemed to be affected by this childish "disease": "Pourquoi?" Pourquoi is a French word that stands for "why". In his picture book Pourquoi Jimmy proposed questions I could not answer. As I was going through the pages, Jimmy constantly posed questions like: Why don't birds have four feet? Why don't fish have ears? Is there a frog princess? Does she need a kiss, too? Why can't the painter explain his constantly discussed work? Why do people count sheep when they can't sleep? Do we feel happy or sad when we easily forget things? Why do we have to forgive every careless mistake? ...

Almost on every page there is a "why". The author is not asking us about the origin of the universe or the advantages of capitalism -he turned himself into a child who kept asking questions that would just drive an adult mad. On the inside front cover Jimmy drew a mother pig, shouting: "Ask'why'again and I'll beat you!", and a baby pig, confused: "Why?"

But the truth is, neither can we give satisfying answers to the questions he asked, even though these questions are usually belittled by the so-called"grown-ups"who think that they are just too mature and busy to care for the questions. In fact, however, there are just too few things in our life that are worth our pursuit -we turn into our eighties and discover that we loose most things we have gained in our lives.

When I finished this book I unconsciously turned myself into the protagonist, and questions of "why?" flooded my mind. I instantly grabbed the book, and found that my past, present and my future all lie in here! I spent my childhood walking like an adult trying to figure out ways to look more mature; I grew up, went into high school, took tests and lost myself in ticks and crosses. I kept asking for things I do not really need, and in the end I forgot my initial pursuits. Perusing each page, I seemed to have found the lost "me" again. If I could go back to ten years before, I might be able to see many common things between that little child in the book and me, but now I only know that I have changed so much while growing up, and I suppose this is the must-go path in everyone's life leading to adulthood.

The hugest impact it has had on me is that, it taught me a new perspective to understand the world. After reading this book, I found that the world is displaying itself to me in a most symmetric and most balanced way. Jimmy's philosophy was, everything has a start and an end, and while you are enjoying the process, ask as many questions as you can. Questions may not be heard by others, but we have to make sure that our own voices are heard by ourselves. The point here is not about posing questions, neither is it about answering. The meaning of Pourquoi is that through asking questions we start to look for new ways to understand ourselves, to read the world, and to find the reason of life.

And I believe there is always a perfect answer to all the questions.

Undergraduate / Carleton "Why are u interested in Carleton and how did it develop "essay [3]

Hi, my prompt is :Why are u interested in Carleton and how did your interest develop ?

Here is my essay:

In the overview book of Carleton College I see apples. They are under the "What's inside" title with one apple being pealed; they are in the hand of Jenny Wahl, the economic professor, who was laughing like a blooming flower; they are on the background for the illustration of "The Academic Core", while each part of the apple has its distinctive character matching that of Carleton; they are on the cover of the viewbooks for the American and the international students, and the apple, perfectly fitting as a terrestrial globe, shines with its unique fruity color.

This lead me to think: what makes Carleton particularly related to the "apples"? What is so special about the apple that this highly-renowned college is using them on its viewbooks to present it ideas?

On page 10 of the viewbook it says, "" The apple has symbolized many things such as sin and temptation, education and teaching, health and life, and New York City." The viewbook also ingeniously introduced Carleton's dining services, its Greek or classical studies, its "cave" and its popular major(genetics)...

I thought for a while. Other than those specialties that relate the apple with Carleton, what other distinctive characters do apples have?

Then I remembered the apple in my country. It means harvest and reward, happiness and richness, sharing and gaining. It is a symbol that stands for sweetness and integrity. Apples are sold in free markets all year round; people buy them and use them in meals, juice, salad and pies. They are so common, so plain, yet they are deeply loved by people.

I tried to create connections between apples and Carleton, and I found something more. Excellence, playfulness, high expectations, good humor, curiosity and other nice words constantly went in sight as I perused the pages of Carleton's website and viewbooks. I also remembered that the first time I read about the story of the "Carleton Camaraderie" in which students kept looking at their watches and in the end invited their prefessor to join their Ultimate Frisbee team, I could not help burst out laughing, while at the same time I felt a feeling of envy flooded my heart. The big Carleton, to me, is a ripe apple, red and shiny with its alluring color, just like Carleton that has such a beautiful campus, that I could never get tired of just looking at the photos of the Carleton campus. However, those inside the apple are more important. Those precious and fine characters of Carleton are the tasted of an apple -fragrant, adventurous with sweet and sour, curious because people always want more, rich because apples contain much nutrition -just like the academic experiences of Carleton.

I have dreams in Carleton. I want to be able to see the Ultimate Frisbee match for myself; I want to fish at the Lyman lakes in the morning and see the fog rising up from the lake as the sun begin to shine; I want to be able to sit in Gould Library and discover the new meanings of the term "reading"; I want to be able to run on the piled leaves on the trails in Cowling Arboretum one day, and breathe the fresh air; and when I saw the photo of the dorm room of Vivyan Tran, Julia Bradley and Amanda Hund, I was completely convinced by myself that Carleton is where I want to be. It is not just a dorm room; it is a home, a real home, because I can see it from their smiles, from those cards on the wall, from the little plants by the window and even from their fluffy pillows and carpets that Carleton is where their hearts lie.

Carleton, to me, has become more than a school. It means more. It is like a beacon that leads to the direction of perfection. I often dream of myself going to Carleton, with wonderful professors, excellent classmates, abundant extracurricula activities and stimulating learning atmosphere. The moment I tried to understand the school, to relate this school with my favorite apples, I began to love it.

On the inside front cover of the viewbook I read this sentence, "For Carleton College will be a cathedral, not of bricks and mortar, but of ideas, and with a spire so high, lighted by a beacon so bright, that it will be a guide through all the years of their lives to all who study here." I have constantly been touched by this quote from Laurence M. Gould. In the bottom of my heart, there always lies a strong desire to attend Carleton and to be one of the Carletonians. I, too, want to have a life, in which the cathedral of Carleton will always guide me through all the days of my life.

Thank you!

Undergraduate / 'words on the website' - Brown: Your interest and your reasons for applying [4]

Here is the prompt for a short essay:
Tell us about the academic areas that interest you and your reasons for applying to Brown.

Here is my answer:

I am interested in international relations and want to take a professional look at social studies. As I perused Brown's website, I discovered that international studies were much more than I had imagined. This course leads students to view the global society systematically, and I look forward to the learning process. Since my junior high years, I have been focusing much attention on current affairs, international relations and other information concerning modern politics. I hope that I will have a chance to study this area at Brown.

There are many reasons for me to apply to Brown. The moment I visited Brown's web site, I was completely captivated by the content and a desirous feeling flooded my heart. I could not help imagine, what will my life be if I can spend my future years in Brown? Setting myself in the virtual surroundings of Brown seems stimulating.

Brown's strong academics are important reasons for me to apply. GISP drew my attention at first; then I began to see the charms of the combined five-year program. The open curriculum also holds its attraction to me because of the freedom to explore under the absence of freshmen requirements.

Students' words on the website let me see diversity, openness, encouragement and support. Brown communities let students form life-long relationships. When Anya Rasulova '08 discribed her experience with the Brown community, I was deeply touched by it.

I am applying to Brown with all my enthusiam. This is the power of desires for perfection and courage to face challenges.

Thanks!!
:)

Undergraduate / Cornell: why hospitality management? [4]

Here's my prompt: What work and non-work experiences, academic interests, and career goals influenced your decision to study hospitality management? How will these contribute to your success at the School of Hotel Administration?

Below is my essay. Thank you!

I am pretty sure that I have fallen in love with this feeling since my fourth grade in elementary school -the feeling of wearing a headset and carrying a notepad, busily walking around assigning others tasks on the backstage, when all of us were focused on preparing a great New Year's Eve Show for the school. I could even remember my look that day: I was wearing a pink overcoat, blue jeans and a pair of little brown boots, with sweats shining on my face even though it was winter. The reason why that day was so vivid to me is that my heart was filled with happiness and satisfaction because I had the chance to do something that I actually loved. I got the opportunity to implement my ideas in the whole arrangement of the backstage, and I was thrilled. From that day on, I cannot stop imagining me one day being the administrator of a large cooperation and owning the full ability to manage and to organize.

Another event that can indicate my ability to plan and organize as a whole was the choreography in 2007. As the vice president of the League, I summoned 19 other classmates to participate in a dance show for the New Year's Party.

I was the organizer and the choreographer of this dance, consisting of 20 classmates, the theme of which is Unity. We used the song "We're all in this together" from "High School Musical Soundtrack" as our dancing music, and created a whole new series of movements. It was not easy at first. After writing a checklist of things we got to do, I found that finishing all of these was nearly impossible! After all, we only have one hour for practice everyday. The performing details included movements, costumes, lights, special make-ups, divisions of dancer groups, etc. All of us spent weeks arguing about the best plan and weeks rehearsing the whole dance. We spent so many hours repeating the complicated movements in the hope of achieving perfection that many of us got uncomfortable when hearing the music "We're all in this together". However we made it -we did not simply want a dance, we wanted a great hit.

On that big night, everybody was nervous and excited. Wearing red and white costumes, in darkness we posed on the stage. Then the spotlight slid in, and seconds later all the shining lights were on. We stood up in turn and started to dance. With the inspiring music we all became unleashed and tried to give our best to the audience. The audiences were obviously affected by our exhilarating atmosphere and we could hear the cheering and the acclaim. While we danced, I secretly peeked at other dancers, and I found the kind of looks that I had never seen on their faces before -the look that made them glow like someone brimming with hopes and wishes, and I could find the expressions in their eyes permeated with the expectations for the future. The lyrics of the song lit us up: We're all in this together. When we reach we can fly. Know inside we can make it. Once we see there's a chance that we have, and we take it.

After we took the curtain, we could see many audiences stood up and applauded for us. We went off the stage, and my heart was filled with the sensation, so new, so strange, that I found tears crowded in my eyes. All of us hugged and jumped. This was the final show after our four months of diligence, and we made it.

In retrospect, this dance has made me into a completely different person. I organized this dance, I was responsible for it. From the moment we decided to do this, I had been carrying a burden which had made me laugh and cry. Whenever a problem occurred, I was the first to step out and solve it. If someone in my team had a quarrel, I had to be the fence-straddler and try to form a harmonious atmosphere. What's more, feedbacks came straight to me, whether they were constructive propositions or destructive slander. Trust me: this dance was soaked with my sweats and tears, although the tears only came out secretly at late night.

Nevertheless, everything I did was worthwhile. The four months have been a personal grow. I have gained invaluable experiences that cannot be obtained elsewhere. Laughter still dominated the whole process. I got to know people around me and I could feel that we were truly on the same boat, chasing a mutual goal of achieving excellence. While working with all these friendly classmates, I discovered some really great personalities in them that I had never found before, and learning the merits of them made me a better person. These are all amazing people -the friendships I have formed during that four months proved to be the most valuable relationships in my school days. We would make fun of one another yet we were there for each one the whole time: one person got moody, and the whole team would surround him and encourage him until a smile showed up on his face. And whenever I encountered a problem that concerned our whole team, my teammates would all support me to face the problem, or think of solutions to help me out. Each of us could feel a strong bond fixed among persons, and it was this strength that tied us together to overcome any difficulties. We communicated in a way like never before, and ideas sparkled through our constant arguments.

Another significant thing I have learned were the art of leadership, the art of dealing with different types of people, hardships and the art of looking on the bright side. Forty people could form a big team on a stage and it was obvious tough to manage. Forty people meant forty minds and forty mouths; putting them in unity required a strong centripetal force. At first I came across a dilemma: I had to choreograph the dance while some dancers were dissatisfied because they had little to do; and their discontent quickly spread over the dancing group. I ended up suggesting that they all should participate in the decision making process and unexpectedly created a friendly, democratic atmosphere. Different situations came up and they really challenged me to be a leader, solve the problem and make everybody love me. It was easy sometimes and tough at other times, but I survived and succeeded. Now, I could feel the feeling of confidence inside my heart. Admittedly, I would not have been the same without this dance -the fruit of contemplation, cooperation and hard work.

"We're all in this together" is now the favorite of many dancers. This song constantly reminds me of all the happy hours we spent together and of the important things I gained from this experience. That memory may not sound so significant to the whole world, but it sure is one of the most significant stories of my life.

Therefore I believe it is my inborn nature and inquired interests that lead me to apply to the school of hotel administration in Cornell.

Undergraduate / Wesleyan "How to contribute to the country" [6]

Hi, my prompt is Please tell us how you would use your Wesleyan education to make a contribution to your home country. (Approximately 400 words.)

Here's my essay...
My major academic interest at Wesleyan University is sociology. From the web site I saw that a full and systematic sociology course includes introduction, sociology analysis, gender and development and other social politics. I have been interested in sociology since high school, and this course at Wesleyan offers a multidisciplinary program for students. Learning sociology would always seem to be an exploring experience, especially when the professional knowledge is applied with the usage of interdisciplinary understandings. Studying how different systems work in the world can offer me new perspectives to examine the system in my own country.

As we know it, People's Republic of China was founded in October 1st, 1949. Being isolated from the capitalized world, China created its own, new theories of socialism and after many daring attempts and some historical mistakes, successfully combined the theories of socialism and capitalism to develop the country. Since 1978, China has been going through vast changes and developments. Now, though as one of the most economically and politically powerful country in the world, China is encountering more and more problems that have never occurred before. The gap between rich and poor is getting larger every day; injustice is ubiquitous in education, medical and social security systems; the environment is polluted for the acceleration of industrialization; the lack of knowledge and awareness among the general public is common yet vexing...Similar problems have occurred in different countries, but never has one single country encountered so many questions. People call it the "bottleneck effect" in the primary stage of socialism. Indeed, Chinese people have no references to consult; perfection of one social system needs hard work and innovative ideas.

For me, it will be vital that I can use my Wesleyan education to contribute to China. Sociology provides students with opportunities to explore, to discover, to understand, and to create. This would be a perfect approach to develop systematic understanding of society structures and how they correlate with the development of economy, politics, etc. At Wesleyan, I would make the best of every opportunity to broaden my horizons, to develop mental maturity and to earn experiences that will never be gained elsewhere. I want my four years at Wesleyan to be fulfilling and exciting, and what I learn in the sociology program will always mean something throughout my life. There will certainly be more and more people learning sociology so as to make contributions to their home countries. For me, I have been trying really hard, and I have never regretted about it.