Writing Feedback / Writing ielts task 1_ Diagram: The water cycle [4]

Hi everyone, this is my first post, I hope i will have some feedback from you. It will help me a lot in my ielts test.

Thank you so much :D
This is link of diagram.

Water Cycle

This diagram below represents the continuous movement of water. A hydrologic cycle has seven steps before start one new cycle.
At first stage, water from ocean vaporizes and goes into air. It turns into gas and becomes tiny water vapor that can not be seen. Water vapor is lighter than air, so it takes the vapor up into the atmosphere. With the help of wind, these tiny vapor can go everywhere in global.

At second stage in the cycle, condensation will happen. Water vapor in the air gets cold and changes back into liquid, forming clouds. More and more water has condensed that the air cannot hold it anymore. The clouds get heavy and water falls back to the earth in the form of rain.

At the last stage, when water drops in surface, it carried downstream by rivers. Naturally, rivers flow into the sea, so water returns where it begin and one more new cycle starts again.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels [3]

Question:The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent, do you agree or not?

Essay:

New Energy and Fossil Fuel Replacement

The development of economy requires a larger of energy (especially fossil fuels) to operate factories, machines, vehicles. However, the unpleasant effects of using fossil fuels are influencing directly on ecosystem and our health. Hence, I strongly believe that these fuels should be replaced by other safe energy.

There are two reasons I mentions to explain the necessary of replacing fossil fuels. The first reason is the damage of using fossil fuels to ecosystem. People burn coal and oil, a lot of harmful gas are created such as nitrogen oxides, sulfur dioxide, volatile organic compounds and heavy metals. These gases not only directly affect to our health, but also cause greenhouse gas emission which causes the climate change. Recently, the number of natural disaster is increasing with more powerful by the effects of climate change such as tsunami in Japan, earthquake in Haiti, and so on. We have to act for our natural environment before too late.

Another reason is our natural resources are becoming exhausted, and coal mines and oil fields too. Oil and its products are currently the most popular energy sources in the world, however, the volumes of it is limited. Thus, if we use it too much, there will be nothing for our next generations. In addition, the price of fossil fuels is very high (about 100$/gallon), so if new cheaper energy is created, factory will reduce productivity cost, consumer will pay less money for petrol and other products. New cheaper energy can help the economy develop and come over the economic crisis now.

On the other hand, I do not admit the importance of fossil fuel. Thought out twentieth century, fossil fuel was one of the main factors contribute to the growth of technology and economy. However, pollution from fossil fuels is regarded as a negative externality. Therefore, if we want to have a sustainable economic growth, we need to develop alternative energy which include hydroelectric, solar, wind, and geothermal.

I n conclusion, although the supplies of fossil fuels are still enough in many countries, I believe that using safe alternatives to fossil fuels can insure the protection of our environment and rescue our next generations.