Undergraduate / Music, a new way to communicate and relate - Commonapp essay [NEW]

Hope that members and moderators could critique my essay. Thanks in advance.

"Beautiful..." an evocative word whispered, soft yet audible, by one member of the audience in the centre block as the last chord of "Fei Tian" ebbed away into a moment of magical silence. Moments after, applause broke out from over a thousand audience for the combined orchestra made up of the Catholic High School Chinese Orchestra, and Tianjin Conservatory of Music Middle School Division Chinese Orchestra, performing in the Concert Hall of Tianjin for the Conservatory's annual concert and to commemorate the concert hall's long lasting history before being demolished and rebuilt days after. Through music, I finally found a common language and to intimately connect with people in a whole new way.

I started to learn music when I joined the Chinese Orchestra in Secondary One as my extra-curricular activity. I chose to join the orchestra partially due to my desire to take on the challenge of learning a new skill, and partially due to my longing to make more friends in my secondary school life since the Chinese Orchestra had a large number of members. My time in the orchestra has shaped my world view, and has instilled in me the importance of team work. I was determined not to be the weakest link in the team that would break under strain. Every morning, I would arrive at school one hour before the start of lessons to hone my percussion skills and practice the pieces that we would perform in the next concert. I understood that the pleasing and harmonious sounds we created were only possible because of the dedicated effort by every member of the orchestra. Music has also made me mellower person. I never gave up on causes I deem worthwhile, and always believed that no barrier is too difficult to overcome, because music has taught me perseverance.

We were invited to the Tianjin Conservatory of Music and perform in a joint concert as part of a student exchange program between the conservatory and the Catholic High School. We meet up with the Tianjin counterparts after hours of air travel, over a distance of over two thousand miles from the equator to forty degree North latitude. I had a lengthy discussion with Wan Yue, my Chinese host student. He was a sixteen year old top student in his class, specialized in percussion instruments, and an aspiring academia. What began as a question-and-answer session about life in Singapore soon turned into passionate exchange on ideologies, interests and aspirations. I was gratified to expand my horizons by listening to the perspective of someone with different background, areas of interest, and career goals.

On the afternoon of our performance, we came together and prayed for a successful concert, placing ourselves in the hands of the Almighty. There was a strong parallel between our purpose of visit and our performance piece "Fei Tian", a legendary tale of how people could soar freely, connecting the earth and the heaven. During our performance, I saw sprinkle of white lights in Erhu fading in circles, a flute solo fades blue to black, and the heavy drumbeats moving everyone sideways. We broke down walls and barricades and entered the universal world of music. Before ending the piece with a final strike on the bass drum, I took a glance at Wang Yue, who was standing in front of the xylophone, nodded, and played the last chord in synchrony. At that instant, there were palpable yet concealed waves that connected the audience with the performers.

With music, I found a new way to communicate and relate, and if the whole musical experience were to be summed in one word, it would be "beautiful".

Undergraduate / My research project Common APP 150 words extra-curricular commitment [2]

Please help me to critique. Thanks in advance. BTW, is it intuitive to a reader that the numbers show decrease in timing?

120...61...31...16 I heaved a sigh of relief as those timings appear on the computer screen. Our research project to parallelize H.264 Scalable Video Coding encoder proved to be a success. I joined the CenTaD student research in the 11th grade, feeling confident that my mathematical foundation and programming skills would enable me to work on a large project. I applied to a project in collaboration with the Agency for Science, Technology and Research (A*STAR) Institute of High Performance Computing due to my interests in software engineering and algorithms. As the leader of the group, I was responsible in spearheading research directions and maintaining a healthy working relationship with our project mentors. We spent countless of days and nights meeting deadlines and reading through algorithm textbooks and H.264 documentations. In the end, we made it, but more importantly, I learned to work together with people, and finding systematic solutions to problems.

Undergraduate / "Why Carnegie Mellon University" [2]

I know that this essay isn't well written, but I've really ran out of ideas on how to make it better. The topic is really very difficult. Hope any kind souls can help me to improvise my essay.

My interest in Computer Science ignited after my dad introduced me to a mainframe computer at his work place when I was five. Since then, I have always wanted to learn the architecture of computers, and explore its functions. Carnegie Mellon University has a special place in my heart, for it represents the starting point where my dreams can be realized.

I had my first encounter with Carnegie Mellon when I signed up for a computing course on high school freshman year. The software used to teach introductory programming was Alice, an educational programming language developed and maintained by Carnegie Mellon University. Contrary to the popular belief that learning anything new is always dull and difficult, my first foray into computer programming was a splendid experience - I had not only a fun and enjoyable time in the class, but also a firm grasp of object-oriented programming concept. Although my experience was all but two years of programming the Lego Mindstorms and competing in robotic competitions, the switch to programming on computers and competing in software contests was made surprising easy with Alice. From Alice, I gradually acquired mastery in the Java and C++ programming languages, and participated in software competitions and research. Through Alice, I realized that I was deeply attracted to the challenges in computer science, and I had a passion for programming. I hope to study at the Carnegie Mellon University such that I may be able to be part of the Alice Team and add my knowledge for the benefit of the project.

I yearn to study under the interdisciplinary program offered by the School of Computer Science. Since childhood, I have developed interest not only in technology related fields such as robotics, multimedia, algorithms and database development, but also in other areas like music and sports. The School of Computer Science would certainly enable me to broaden my areas of interest, and deepen my existing interests. After watching "The Last Lecture", I was deeply inspired by Dr. Randy Pausch's, especially by his dedication towards interdisciplinary studies. I would like to spend my time in university under that atmosphere of diversity to expand my horizon. As we are entering a more globalized world, I firmly believe that having a range of specialties would be useful in my career.

An education in Carnegie Mellon University is the next step to realising my aspiration and passion. I hope to scale greater academic heights by studying in the School of Computer Science, and farther my passion in computer science by collaborating in projects that could make a difference to the world.

Undergraduate / 'living and schooling in different countries' - world you come from family, community [2]

Good evening Gloria and other proof readers here. The following is my tentative essay for UC prompt one: Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

After another landing and a short glide towards the boarding bridge, I sat still in the aircraft cabin, turning my head left to look at my father who nodded in assurance that everything was okay, and left to glance at my mother who comforted me, saying that we would be going to our new home soon. I spent much of my childhood this way - listening to the incessant roaring drones of airplane, and travelling between various continents and cities following my father's new job at the Atlas Copco Group. My childhood was spent in mixed cultures, even my name, which means "to live" in Swedish and "in knowledge" in Chinese, reflects that diversity.

My experience of living and schooling in different countries allowed me to view events from different angles. As I became acquainted with English, Chinese and German, I could put myself in multiple perspectives. When I initiated and headed a group of students in a community service project to create a patient management system for the Singapore Heart Foundation in grade eleven, I was able to interact effectively with patients and staffs from varied backgrounds. I also served as the coordinator in my group that participated in the Thinkquest International 2007. Although we came from different countries, we forged strong teamwork and clinched the Honorable Mention award. I am confident that in future I would be able to coordinate projects across borders to form synergy on a global scale.

I am fortunate to attend one of Singapore's top schools that not only emphasize on academic excellence, but also on heuristic learning. I was given the opportunity to lead a student research group and to collaborate with the Agency for Science, Technology and Research (A*STAR) Institute of High Performance Computing due to my interest in software engineering and algorithms. We succeeded in our project. Yet more importantly, I learned to work together with people and finding systematic solutions to problems. From that project, I aspired to be more involved in research and development, and to add to the knowledge in computing.

I am certain that I would be able to make a seamless transition to life in university, and that the diverse culture in the University of California, Berkeley would maximize my potential as a leader of the twenty-first century.