Undergraduate / "I cannot help but feel left behind." UT AUSTIN Statement of Purpose [3]

So I'm not sure if it has good direction or flow, and I'm sure there's a couple sentences I could rephrase and tighten up a bit and i could use some help with imagery. I haven't come up with a conclusion either. haha

I cannot help but feel left behind. I have no blame. I do feel anxious, though, and stuck sometimes. It's just, the most of my friends graduated college--I haven't.

Nearing the end of high school, I had plans of going to a university in the States. Sent out applications, received a couple "We regret to inform you..."'s and a few "Congratulations, you've been accepted"'s, I was excited. My Dad took me out to lunch, one day. He brought up schools. Said he could afford two years of tuition and the rest I would have to pay. I understood that; I had a job since I was 14. I knew the value of money. I was ok with it. Then he started saying your mom is really going to miss you and your six-year old sister won't really get to know you. I knew what he was implying--it would be easier if I stayed. It would be easier if I just went to classes they have on Base. I felt pressured. I was so ready to leave and my Dad was asking me to stay. And I did. I graduated high school in Heidelberg, Germany, my friends left for college in the States, as planned, and then I moved to Okinawa, unexpectedly.

Since moving to Okinawa, I made a plan to stay on track with school so I could transfer later. The plan has been to take classes and receive my AA in General Studies while doing well in elective classes, pertaining to sciences. Check. These subjects were chosen because of their concurrence with the classes your pre-nursing students study. Part two of my plan was to simultaneously work and save money for tuition while I attend classes for my AA. Check. This is where my skills of organization and multi-tasking have greatly improved, and where I learned the value of punctuality. Having the ability to juggle a 10-page essay, study for a mid-term and make it to work on time after class is advantageous and a trait that would help me thrive while attending a larger university. And part three was to volunteer at the local Red Cross as a CPR/AED instructor. Check. I get a sense of accomplishment from volunteering. Knowing that I taught life saving method to others is satisfying, even though I have never had to use CPR or an AED to save anyone. I do not volunteer as much as I want to, with work interfering with the volunteering

schedule, but I improvise.

At UT, I plan to do the same study with focus, work and hopefully, continue to volunteer. I'm choosing pre-nursing as my major because I know I want to work in the medical field, but I'm not entirely sure what I want to do in it. I have spoke with many people whose career is medicine and found out many nurses go on to earn their R.N., while others work primarily as paramedics or become physician assistants. Some study longer and earn their M.D. They can transfer to the administration side of hospital work or become commissioned officers in U.S. Military. I'm hoping to use the tools your university offers to found which path I want to take.

*I don't have a conclusion yet, but I was thinkin about something like "Transfering to a major university: In progress." Kinda progressing the plan and check list motif.

Undergraduate / Spearfishing-Help with narrative-UCF essay [4]

I'm wondering if I could fit it into the UCF essay guidelines. I really like the narrative I've written so far. It is not done yet, maybe with some help I could get the needed direction for that. Or should I just give up using this for UCF?

1.If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
2.How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?
3.Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
4.What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that will allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

But any help with imagery, grammer, tightening of sentences, or however would appreciatated!

I came to the surface of the water, my lungs burning. Floating in the sea, maybe 700 meters from the beach, I blew the water from my snorkel like a gyser and took a breath. I was on the hunt. I saw my prey, three bicolor parrotfish poking at the coral, looking food. I took a rapid breath, descented slowly and made my way towards the fish. I was determined and patient, but in a couple of hours, my stomach would start growling.

Quietly, stalking the fish, I pulled back my polespear-waiting. The less movement you make in the water, the less vibrations surrounding fish sense, the closer you can approach your target. I could casually swim within 10 meters of the parrotfish before exciting it. You have to know your fish and your enviroment, though. Parrotfish, in this area, do not meet too many spearfisherman. Spearfisherman's favorite fish are the curious ones that like to get close.

So I began to use my free hand to crawl across the ocean floor causing some sand to cloud my presence. I was two meters away, one meter away, a half meter and the little guy was just nodding away at the coral. I let go of my polespear and the sling shot it at the fish. I paralyzed it. I took out my knife for the Iki jime--kill strike. You do not want any unwelcomed sharks smelling your catch and I was nearing the drop off. I strung the fish through the gills onto my stringer where his two new frineds were waiting, and I went back to the surface for air.

The Okinawan sun was warm and welcomed my accomplishment. I looked around for my friend. I had not seen him for twenty minutes. Water spouted up from the water 50 meters to my left. It was my friend, Alex. I shouted I was headed back to the beach. I took the easy way back letting the waves carry me towards land.