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Posts by zunayed1983
Joined: Sep 7, 2011
Last Post: Sep 8, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 2
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zunayed1983   
Sep 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / Urbanization provides good platform for business, but isn't free of negativities [2]

Topic: some authors referred urbanization as a modern disease. write an essay with maximum 250 words describing your view about it.
_________________________________________________________________ _____ ___________________________________________

Urbanization, a common phenomenon in the world, refers to a concentrated socio economic development in a particular demographic area. As some authors believe that, this leads to an infrastructural inequality among different regions of a country, they referred it as a "modern disease". I, however, still oppose their remark.

Firsty, urbanization provides a good platform for business. Better communication system, infrastructure, readily available human resource, sophisticated customers in close location and security allow businessmen introduce improved products and services. As a result our lifestyle improves with variety of products. Furthermore this also raises the number of business firms, employees and other stakeholders which leads to an increase in Tax. Though, on the other hand, it deprives rural areas from economic development, the country as a whole enjoys a greater benefit.

Secondly, as industrialization always comes with a little environmental degradation, urbanization protects rural areas from environmental damage by mandating industries to operate in urban areas only. As a result, aesthetic views and healthy breeze in rural areas always attract tourists. As most of the industries are located in urban areas, it is easy for environmental watchdogs to monitor their impact on environment as well.

It is true that urbanization is not free of negativities like lose of family bonding, income inequality, various forms of discrimination etc. but the benefits of urbanization outweighs its negativity. Also, if there was no urbanization, we might not experience the today's modernization and would rather be busy in farming than debating on this issue.

Total Words: 249
zunayed1983   
Sep 8, 2011
Scholarship / "What does philanthropy mean to you" - application to an internship [3]

1) It was too informal. Though it is not an essay for english course, you still need to use formal words. your sentence structure and words are too colloquial.

e.g. pad pad pad 2. sommersaulted etc.

2) Every fields of study have some terminologies. Read some articles regarding philanthropy and pick some Jargon. It will make you look like someone who researched on what s/he is talking about. It will raise your possibility of being accepted.

3) If you check the dictionary, philanthropy actually means goodwill to fellow members of the human race; especially : active effort to promote human welfare. So it is all centered around human not wild life. But I must say your essay does prove that you have a kind heart and this is a good thing for your purpose. Now you just have to prove that you have similar attitude towards underprivileged people. (But If you are applying is an organization working on animal rights then its OK )

4) Your first paragraph did not give a sense. Elaborate a little bit. such as, I did not understand why would you have to open the door carefully to make sure the cat doesn't get into the house. I would rather close the door to ensure that. I am sure you have a good answer for that...so write that in your essay.

5) don't use "--"

6) I liked the pronoun you used for Figaro. Other people would use "it".

7) You should work in your grammar. especially Tense. You missed your tense in your third line of first paragraph.

8) Please write it again. and this time start with an introduction that begins with a story and ends with what you think philanthropy is. And make sure it is about human only. then write two paragraph explaining how generous you were in that story. And in conclusion mention what humanitarian work you want to do in future and how the organization you are applying can help you. BEST OF LUCK.
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