Undergraduate / 'the Boy Scout Law' Common App (too wordy and cheesy introduction?) [3]

This is my Common App essay that I am planning on submitting to Dartmouth, Northwestern, and Penn State. Other than being unsure of whether I should even use this subject matter, I am concerned it may have a cheesy introduction and that I may be going in too many directions with my content. It is also about 70 words too long. "Concise" is not included in the Scout Law. Help me out!

"A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent." Beginning in the early stages of adolescence, the Boy Scout Law has been engrained in my subconscious. The painstaking process of learning the Scout laws and oaths was certainly an ordeal. The progression became harder still as the number of schoolmates I had remaining in Cub Scouts met a sharp decline as our class graduated to Boy Scouts. Rather than go through the process of visiting and choosing a Boy Scout Troop, the majority of my friends elected to pursue activities more applicable to middle school such as football or clarinet.

This left me entering Boy Scouts with many kids that I knew, but few whose company I actually enjoyed. I decided against joining the Scouting machine that was Troop 217 and joined the smaller, lesser-known Troop 183. Our Scoutmasters found ways to keep young scouts engaged; often through methods frowned upon by the authoritarian leaders of Troop 217. With a strong belief in a scout-run Troop, our scoutmasters allowed us certain freedoms that other troops did not. While on some occasions this resulted in angry visits from the summer camp director, perhaps concerning a pavilion filled with canoes or the waterfront littered with picnic tables, on many more occasions it resulted in great learning opportunities and troop bonding. As an Eagle Scout, I can honestly say I feel more like a big brother to the upcoming Tenderfoots rather than an authority figure.

Despite all of these wonderful Scouting experiences, I still felt as though they occurred in a separate world, never translating to real life. The only time I ever was called upon to use my Scouting skills among my school friends was when a fire was in need of being lit. Only recently have I seen the correlation between scouting ideals and my social life. It is easiest to remember to be "helpful", "friendly", "courteous", and "kind." Mothers are constantly trying to instill these qualities in their children, Boy Scout or not. But it took longer for me to develop as a "trustworthy", "loyal", and "obedient" individual. These are the few that I have recently vowed to apply to my life and my reputation. And now I have discovered that the hardest of these ideals to embody are "bravery" and "reverence." Neither of which I believe a person will ever be finished pursuing.

A scoutmaster's conference is held every time a Scout earns a new rank. It is a small part of earning a new rank to which I had never paid much attention. Now, as I prepare for my conference after earning the rank of Eagle, I realize that I have not been utilizing these conferences to the fullest. As I reflect on my experiences from my current point of view, I can see that my scouting skills and lessons no longer dwell in a realm of their own. Now that I have honed and refined them, I can finally introduce them into my everyday life. I believe George Costanza put it best when he so delicately exclaimed, "Worlds are colliding, Jerry!"

The road to becoming an Eagle Scout was certainly a long one, and often times a meticulous and tedious one. However, it has taught me irreplaceable principles that I now can use and carry with me for the rest of my life.

Undergraduate / "Across Iowa" - Common App Personal [3]

This is a draft of my Common App Personal Essay that I will be sending to Northwestern, Dartmouth, and also my Penn State application. I think I have an interesting topic but I'm a little concerned with my content and structure. Any advice/criticisms you have will be much appreciated!

Topographically, Iowa is considered one of the flattest states in the America. However, from the vantage point of an out-of-date 10 speed bicycle, it is easy to make mountains out of molehills. As a resident of Pennsylvania, I can't honestly say that riding a bike across the state of Iowa was at the top of my summer to-do list; but for some reason my family never seems to define "vacation" as a chance to relax, but more frequently as an opportunity for adventure. Naturally, when the Des Moines Register published the route for Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa (RAGBRAI), my impossibly nostalgic father jumped on the possibility of us making a pilgrimage to back to his home state. He had twice participated in RAGBRAI as a high school student, when the event was still in its infancy.

During the abysmal July road trip to the border of Nebraska and Iowa, I could think of nothing besides how much time I would spend seated on my ancient Fuji bicycle and began apologizing in advance to certain parts of my body. On the eve of departure, it is ceremonious for all riders to dip the back wheel of their bicycles in the Missouri River. As I walked my bike down the rocky riverbank with 15,000 of my best friends, I had already fallen victim to the belief that the 442 miles that lay between my current location and the eastern border of Iowa were comprised entirely of flat roads. However after the first two days of riding 52 and 64 miles respectively, I came to the realization of what a grueling experience the remainder of RAGBRAI was going to be. RAGBRAI patrons always warn novices about the Four H's: heat, humidity, hills, and headwinds. The first 48 hours of my RAGBRAI experience was a sickening mixture of all four. While lying in a soggy tent with my brother and cousins, I considered the literal and figurative road that lay ahead. It was that deciding moment that I made a commitment to myself. I don't know why this activity suddenly became so important to me. It would be easy to take a day away from my bike and travel to the next town in my family's air-conditioned Suburban. There was no reward for punishing myself in the brutalities of a Midwestern summer. But now that the thought of resignation had crossed my mind, I knew that I would hate myself if I succumbed to it.

Discounting the exhausting hours cycling, the next five days were an enjoyable mixture of homemade pies and Midwestern hospitality. When I finally dipped my front tire in waters of the Mississippi, I didn't feel an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment, but mainly hunger. However on the rare occasion when this anecdote is relevant to a conversation, I love to see the intrigued and bewildered expressions when I recount how I have ridden a bicycle the entire way across Iowa.