Undergraduate / "got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer [29]

Seriously, seriously awful. I'm sorry. No one else will be "candor" with you, so here it is. NOTHING you have written speaks to your academic or intellectual abilities in ANY way, shape, or form. The "essay" and most of the answers you provided for the questions are glib and trite and have nothing to do with anything. Your essay leaves the reader confused and, worst of all, absolutely does not make the admissions committee say, "wow, we really need someone like Rebecca at Yale." Unless you can really reshape that essay into a polished gem that proves how you have what NO other applicant does, your whole application will be tossed in the circular file. You should never rely on some sob story as a clever tactic to woo the adcoms.

Undergraduate / "Cosiness" - Why Yale [8]

"Cosiness. The state of warm confort between the students, the professors and the roommates is the most important factor for me. I feel that being an international student at Yale I will not be thousands of kilometers far from home, but I will actually find a second home. The fame of Yale is not only for being one of the best universities in the world, but also for providing the best learning and housing environment for its students and employees."

You didn't even TELL us anything from this. Every school has roommates and professors. And the part about Yale being the best? Anyone can read that on their website. Yale knows they're the "best." You need to seriously rethink your answer. Going to Yale because you think it's "cosy" is ludicrous.

I do not understand why every kid thinks they're being so novel when they basically restate what the universities' write on their own webpages.

Scholarship / 'My grandparents' - Persons who has influenced me--national merit scholarship essay [3]

"I do have half of their DNA, after all"

Cheesy. Delete.

Undergraduate / 'The field of dentistry' - UVA career possibility relation to course of study [5]

THIS is your whole dental school essay? Are you an undergrad now, applying to another undergrad institution? This is extremely short and not at all unique. In no way do I feel the passion for dentistry that you claim to have (or, at least, the work ethic required to get there).

Stop using metaphors and inspiring little quotes. This is dentistry, not a creative writing program.

Many of your sentences don't even make sense. They're either incomplete, run-ons, or have improperly placed modifiers. This needs serious revision because, at present, it's a joke. Exactly what makes kids think they belong in some field just because of their "obsession," I have no clue.

Undergraduate / "whatever decision I make with my co-members" - extracurricular activities or work [21]

I think it's a riot that I was the only one who gave you honest feedback about one of your essays--but you called it sabotage. My critiques are obviously far from sabotage. Sabotage would be what the rest of the people on here are doing--letting you submit such a trite work.

Your little essay here doesn't even say what this extracurricular activity is. Is your dad a pimp? Maybe. Do you help him run his prostitution ring? I mean seriously--why isn't your essay more concrete? The first essay you posted makes NO sense.

Alternatively, I could ask why "being on top" is what you really want. So: you're implying that extracurriculars are worthless to you unless you can be the president? And just what does "being on top" have to do with knowing that you're making the right decisions? HA! Yet again, complete fluff is thrown in to make your essay look really substantial. ANY adcom, especially Yale, will see right through this little maneuver.