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Posts by buddybuddy1
Joined: Oct 9, 2011
Last Post: Oct 9, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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buddybuddy1   
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'personality, responsibility, and hard work ethic' - My UF essay on character [2]

Promt: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

I firmly believe I am ready to become a Gator not only because of my excellent scholarship but because of my character. It takes a special type of person, one with certain characteristics to achieve excellence in school and in life. This characteristic can be seen in people that TRY to achieve what they really want in life and do not give up. Try is the key word here because most people have dreams but then they do not take any actions. I see people all the time with great potential but no initiative whatsoever. Unfortunately, my friend is an example. He is a great athlete that in his spare time enters his fantasy world by playing football games on the Xbox every day and only wishes that he could be as good as the main characters in the game. Imagine how much more athletic and how much closer to his dream he would be if he practiced his sport instead of wasting his time on video games. This is not me, in my free time I focus my energy into learning more about what I really enjoy, which is science. My basic biology and chemistry courses were a breeze for me during my first two years of high school so last year I challenged myself with AP Biology and this year with AP Chemistry. The passion I have for science definitely eased the stress levels that I would have otherwise encountered. This may sound like I do not like to have fun, which is not the case. I do enjoy going out with friends and love spending quality time with family. A person's social life is crucial in determining character. My persona is well-rounded not only because I enjoy competing in a variety of sports including: soccer, basketball, and Eight Step Praying Mantis Kung Fu but because I am also intelligent, bilingual, active in my community and public minded.

Most alumni at UF are most likely, in pursuit of a goal because they care for their future and joining the Gator Nation is a step they took towards their dream. My goal is to become a well-known surgeon and I have already mapped out what I have to do to achieve it. All that is left to do now is take necessary and proper action. I truly believe that with my determination to succeed in life, my personality, responsibility, and my hard work ethic I will fit in perfectly with the University of Florida community mentally and most importantly academically.

*Please criticise and find any grammatical errors or any errors at all. Thank you for your time and feedback.
buddybuddy1   
Oct 9, 2011
Undergraduate / A community filled with spirit, dedication and passion. - UNIV OF FL Freshman Essay [2]

Hi, ive been reading alot of essays and I actually just finished writing one myself! Now i want to help you out with your essay

Your essay does not state what you are taking to the UF community. Also the second paragraph needs restructuring. You can just say "On my twelfth birthday" or just insert the date.- On Nov. 12, 2005...

About 80% of your essay is describing your family trip to UF and the football game and then you only dedicated a couple of sentences to showing what you learned and what you are going to take to UF. I suggest you focus more on what actions you are taking to join the Gator nation and how you will apply your new knowledge than just describing the event.

Hope I helped :)
buddybuddy1   
Oct 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / About my first day in america and my longest and happiest day of life [4]

You need to check spelling. You should also check your grammar usage.
Definietly go over this sentence- agarry in our way to restraints I note's defart kind care every body obeys the lows and I like the someal in every one I meet

First two words I learned in English was hlow and bye bye was easy fun day
I would help you but I do not know what you are trying to say.
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