Writing Feedback / THEN THERE WAS ME [3]

For most of my life, being alone was something that was normal to me. My mom barely had time for me, and my dad was always here and there.

My mom was always busy taking care of my brother and sister because of medical issues they had. My dad was a complete stranger to me. I felt nonexistent to my family. When I wanted someone to talk to, I had nobody. I felt more at home at school. At least there were people I could reach out to.

During my previous school years, I have never been a Straight "A" student. My worse fear was not living up to what everyone expected me to become: bright and intelligent. When I would try, I felt like it wasn't good enough.

I was always ready to learn at school, but when things got challenging I couldn't learn at the same pace as other students. My mind and the way I learned, was as slow as a snail. Some of my teachers had some concerns about me. In 2006, I was diagnosed by the school phychiatrist with a learning disability.

I got placed in Special Ed classes in fourth grade through middle school. During class, I would always sit in the back row. Unmotivated to understand what the teacher was talking about. One day I was so lost and frustrated that I started breaking down into tears.

As days went by, I started to cope and get use to being in Special Ed. I progressed more and stayed focus by moving to the front row. When it came closer to the end of middle school, with impressive grades, I was given the option of taking Special Ed in high school or being in regular classes again. I decided to go mainstream because I wanted to be around more students.

During freshman year, I wanted to have some involvement somewhere. I was on the path of finding myself. I wanted to explore different fields such as Music, Drama and Art. As the year went by, my grades were good enough to make it to the tenth grade. However, frustration took over my sophmore year. Learning new malterial everyday and staying focused, were two main issues I had. It was getting alot harder for me to recieve, process and store information. It was like my mind was blurred. I felt like I wasn't cut out for high school. I started struggling with classes such as Civics and Algerbra 1.

My toughtest year of all, was junior year. Things got even more challenging. I had difficulties studying for all of my tests. I tried reading and re-reading the same malterial over and over again but, no matter how hard I studied, I still had problems remembering things. I got frustrated again so, I decided to change my classes and go back into Special Ed. But, when I needed my guidance counselor, he wasn't around. Spending class periods everyday waiting for him near his office wasn't worth my time anymore.

From that point on, I started to give up on life and myself. Still, not getting the love or support from my mom made me feel weak as a person. I didn't care about anything in the world anymore. I started isolating myself from everybody.

Entering my seinor year, I started hearing other students in my class talking about college. It made me wonder: new people, new life, new atomosphere. It was exactly what I wanted. I panicked though. Would my rough junior year affect my chances of getting in college? I knew I had to work even harder to prove myself and giving up was not an option. I decided to make a change.

While in classes, I raised my hand and asked alot of questions. I even sat in the front row. My teachers would work with me after school and help me learn new note-taking strategies and studying skills. I also got tutored for math at my after school program called "Future 5." With the support I started to have I felt encouraged saying, "You can do it Shirley!" From there on, I was more focused and motivated than I ever was in my entire life.

Other than being in school, I stayed positive and did things that I enjoyed, like skateboarding, songwriting and community service.

Through my struggle, I've learned it's okay to be different. After all, there are famous people like Walt Disney, Whoopi Goldberg and Tommy Hilfiger that had learning disabilities. Reguardless, they still turned out to be very sucessful in life. As I look back I've notice how much I've changed now, then before. I realized that the people who started caring about me, helped me to love myself.

Undergraduate / WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR (a girl not content with herself) [2]

when I look in the mirror, besides seeing my reflection I would see this girl, who was not content with herself. She never knew the meaning of love or the importance of family. For most of her life, being alone was something that was normal to her. She loved being in school though. She felt as if it was more like her home. There were always people she could talk to.

I start seeing the obstale she goes through. She was suspected of being mentally slow due to a diagnosis of a learning disability. Her fear was not living up to what everyone expected her to become: bright and intelligent. She was taken out of regular classes and put into Special Ed.

She would sit in the back row unfocused to understand what the teacher was talking about. But, as days went by she started to adjust and show improvement. She stayed focused by sitting in the front row. With impressive grades, she was taken out of Special Ed for good. Entering high school she felt ecstatic. As a freshman, she was on the path of finding herself. She explored different fields such as Drama, Music and Art.

While looking in the mirror, I noticed how weak she became. Her sophmore and junior year was riddled with stress, frustration and poor achievement. Experiencing a multitude of failures, she then developed low self-esteem. From that point on, she started giving up on life and herself.

When I see this girl, I begin to see a different person unfold. Entering her last year of high school, for an easy grade she picked one sucessful person to write about. She chose Whoopi Goldberg. Researching about her life, she learned that Whoopi goldberg had a learning disability. She realized if Whoopi can get through it, then she can too. Giving up was no longer an option to her. She decided to make a change.

She started setting goals for herself and creating a game plan to make them happen. One of them were getting better at writing. She stayed after school with her english teacher most days so can get evaluated on her strengths and weaknesses in writing. With help, patience and diligence her writing became creative and distinctive. She was able to manage her disability. While in her classes, she alwayed asked questions if she didn't understand something. She saw challenges as a detour rather than a roadblock.

As far as being around people, she joined a program called "Future 5." She interacted with other students and all of the coaches who were one-hundred percent supportive of her future.With the support she started to have, she felt fortunate and encouraged saying, "You can fight this Shirley!" From there on, she was more motivated than she ever was in her entire life.

Outside of school, she also did community service. She wanted to be able to provide others with what she never had: love, compassion and strength.

Through her struggle, she learned it's okay to be different. She realized it wasn't her condition that was the problem, she was to weak to fight through it alone. With Whoopi Goldberg as her inspiration, she felt blissful that she wasn't the only one born with it. Seeing how much this girl grows, made me realize how much were both alike. When I look in the mirror, I see this girl, I recognize this girl, I am this girl, and she was me.