Undergraduate / work habits and time management - Common Application Extra Curricular [2]

Any suggestions,critiques and comments are welcome! ^_^. If theres anything I should add or take away, please let me know. Thank you!! =D

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer).

I was relieved as the rat was rewarded another pellet for going into the goal region. My research project was to determine the relationship landmarks had on the goal-choice location made by rats. I participated in a research laboratory at SUNY Downstate, working with Dr. Kubie. I thought that working with rats and conducting trials would be fairly easy - little did I know I got more than I bargained for. I had to discuss research ideas with my mentor many times, endure the hostility of the rats, and deal with setbacks. I spent most of my free time reading through textbooks, interpreting data, handling rats, and teaching others proper lab techniques. In the end, not only was I delighted to take part in this project, most importantly I learned how to organize my work habits and time management - something I could use for the rest of my life.

Undergraduate / Macaulay admission essay proofreading [2]

Pick a place or activity that is important to you. Tell us a story about your experience at that place or with that activity that reveals something about you.

One of the activities that I pursue is learning Chinese at New York Chinese School (NYCS). At NYCS, not only am I a student, but I am also a part of the New York Chinese School Patrol (NYCSP). The NYCSP is a non-profit student organization dedicated to ensuring a safe and productive learning environment for all fellow classmates and teachers. As I was growing up, my older sister sowed the seeds of kindness in me, since she used to be a volunteer for the Red Cross and the local church, BAC. At first, I thought that this could be a quick and convenient way of obtaining my required community service hours. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, and leave as soon as possible. However, I grew out of my selfish ways, and I began to see that volunteering has many mutual benefits. Now I am reluctant to leave every time I volunteer there. Volunteering at NYCSP has slowly changed my view of life.

Now, I am currently a supervisor at NYCSP who has been working there since September 2006. I started out at the rank of patrolman, which is a low-ranking position, and involves a lot of work. One of the major difficulties was understanding people. The reason why it was so difficult was because they spoke in a different dialect. Over a short period of time I was able to understand their dialect at a proficient level. I was able to demonstrate my newfound proficiency after working there for quite a long time.

The day began languorously, as another typical Sunday afternoon. One of the tasks that NYCSP is responsible for is to make sure that kids are dismissed safely to their parents. We were finishing up with dismissal, and I went to the door to close it as the last parents trickled in to pick up their kids. As I was walking towards the door, I told my teammates, that they were dismissed and I would lock up afterwards. However just as I was about to lock the door, a frantic parent came up the door and started banging on it furiously. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. She began speaking rapidly in what seemed as an undecipherable dialect of Chinese; however I told her to calm down and tell me again. She told me what happened slowly, and I realized that she was speaking the dialect that I was studying. She told me that she had a daughter named Mei, who was a student, and she was supposed to pick her up. I asked the main office if they had any kids waiting for their parent, and much to my dismay there were no kids left. When I told her of this, she panicked and begged for me to look for her daughter. Since there were no superior officers present that day, I was left with the task to find her lost daughter.

I had 30 patrolmen and 2 team leaders that day; I divided everyone up into groups of 3, and told all of them to look for Mei. For 2 hours we found nothing, but I told everyone to continue searching. We found Mei being lead by a man into the park, and we immediately told the man to stop, but he ran away leaving Mei behind. I was able to return an abducted child to a parent, who thanked me for helping her.

I joined with the intent of just getting my service credit and leaving. Volunteering at NYCSP has changed me, from turning my selfish attitude into a person who will not rest until the job is done. I learned many things that a textbook cannot teach such as leadership, organization, and communication skills, and I hope that I that my efforts at NYCSP will take me further in other areas of my life.

Scholarship / Essay about leadership experience based on initiative [2]

(did i fully answer the question right and what is your critique of the essay?)

The topic is:
Think about a situation in which you were a leader, either by your initiative, creativity, or courage. How did you display your leadership skills? In what particular way or ways were you successful? What, if anything, might you have done better? What did you learn from the experience?

One of the activities that I currently pursue is learning Chinese at New York Chinese School (NYCS). At NYCS, I am not only a student, but I am also a part of the New York Chinese School Patrol (NYCSP). The NYCSP is a non-profit organization dedicated to ensuring a safe and productive learning environment for all fellow classmates and teachers. As I was growing up, my older sister was a big influence on me, since she used to be a volunteer of the New York Methodist Hospital and our local church, Brooklyn Alliance Church. At first, I thought that this could be a quick and convenient way of obtaining my required community service hours. I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, and leave as soon as possible. However, I grew out of my selfish ways, and I began to see that volunteering has many mutual benefits. Now I am reluctant to leave every time I volunteer there. Volunteering at NYCSP has slowly changed my view of life.

Now, I am currently a coordinator at NYCSP who has been working there since September 2006. I started out at the rank of patrolman, which is a low-ranking position that involves a lot of work. The other positions I have held are team leader and supervisor. One of the major difficulties was communicating with the people from the community. The reason why it was so difficult was because they spoke in a different dialect of Chinese, Mandarin. Over time I was able to understand their dialect at a more proficient level. I was able to demonstrate my newfound proficiency in a situation that occurred at the New York Chinese School.

The day started as another typical Sunday afternoon. At the time, I was a team leader. One of the tasks that NYCSP is responsible for is to make sure that during dismissal the children are dismissed safely to their parents. We were finishing up with dismissal, and I went to the door to close it as the last parents trickled in to pick up their kids. As I was walking towards the door, I told my patrolmen that they were dismissed and I would lock up afterwards. However just as I was about to lock the door, a frantic parent came up to the door and started banging on it furiously. I opened the door and asked what was wrong. She began speaking rapidly in what seemed as an unknown dialect of Chinese; however I told her to calm down and tell me again. She told me what happened slowly, and I realized that she was speaking the dialect that I was studying. She told me that she had a daughter named Mei, who was a student, and she was supposed to pick her up. I asked the main office if they had any kids waiting for their parent, and much to my dismay there were no kids left. When I told her of this, she panicked and begged for me to look for her daughter. Since there was no superior officers present that day, I was left with the daunting task to find her lost daughter.

At first, I did not know what to do. All the patrolmen and the other team leaders heard about the situation and were running all over the place trying to look for the little girl. I realized that we couldn't get any results, unless the search is conducted in an orderly and organized manner. Despite not knowing what to do, I had to trust in myself and my other team members to ensure that Mei will be found. There were twenty patrolmen and two other team leaders that day; I divided everyone into groups of four, and told all of them to look for a small girl named Mei. For fifteen minutes we found nothing, but I told everyone to continue searching around the area of the school. The entire team was losing confidence as time went on. We found Mei being lead by a man into Columbus park, and we immediately told the man to stop, but he ran away leaving Mei behind. With the combined efforts of the entire team, we were able to return an abducted child to a parent, who thanked us for helping her.

I joined with the intent of just getting my service credit and leaving. Volunteering at NYCSP has changed me, from turning my selfish attitude into a person who will not rest until the job is done. Even though the challenge seemed to be overwhelming, nothing is impossible until you try. I learned many things that a textbook cannot teach such as leadership, organization, and communication skills, and I hope that I that my efforts at NYCSP will take me further in other areas of my life.