Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ktzluke10
Joined: Nov 23, 2011
Last Post: Nov 24, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: China

Displayed posts: 5
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ktzluke10   
Nov 23, 2011
Undergraduate / "my family's first computer" - UC Prompt #1 How has your world shaped you? [6]

Here's my essay. Your comments and suggestions would be very much appreciated!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

What world do I live in? My parents have always said that I live in a matrix world. While this seemed completely nonsensical at first, I now realize that this is ultimately true. Technology, computers, and the internet have pervaded into every aspect of my life and without it I would be utterly lost.

The moment when my parents brought back my family's first computer, my small interest had blossomed into a full blown love. Playing around and experimenting with this new technology, I soaked in as much knowledge as I possibly could while harmlessly learning how to integrate this technology into my daily life.

However, dark times lurked, and the more time I spent on computers, the less time I wanted to spend in the real world. The trap of addictive computer games hovered dangerously close - a trap that I did not manage to escape. Call of Duty commanded hours of my time in a day and my trigger finger itched whenever there was no gaming mouse around. I no doubt would still be lost in those virtual maps had it not been for my parents' firm hand and my discovery of web programming.

Everything changed in high school, where I was determined to make something good come from my overpowering computer addiction. Based on the recommendations of my teachers and peers, I enrolled in the electives Data Design, an informatics and database course, and Web Authoring. Soon, my interests in games dwindled as I became genuinely invested in the knowledge presented by the courses I would soon take; so much so that I taught myself web programming and coded my own website even before Web Authoring started. Thus, by the end of tenth grade, not only had I developed a passion for web design, but I had also earned a computer award that now stood in place of the computer game cases my bookshelf.

In my upperclassmen years, having successfully overcome the pull of gaming, I looked for opportunities outside of class to expand my computer experience. For two summers, I interned at Beijing United Family Hospital's technology department, where I helped coworkers to troubleshoot problems, set up computers, and even help code a PHP-based database website which logged all the hospital's devices. It was an enlightening experience for me, as I not only was exposed to the integration of technology with the working environment, but also acquired many practical skills that would definitely help me in the future. Moreover, I became the technology officer for my school's largest charity organization, Habitat for Humanity, where I created, out of scratch, a fully functional website, and managed all their electronic documents.

Living in a world interconnected by computers, wireless devices, and social media, has played a crucial part in shaping the person I am today. My love for technology has taught me how to solve problems, given me the motivation, and most of all, inspired to become a true innovator of the 21st century.
ktzluke10   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I reinforced my values' - The world I come from - UC essay [3]

Ok, your story has nothing to do really with the rest of the essay, and it seems like you're just boasting about ur achievements rather than learning anything or facing challenges. I would suggest rewriting and thinking of a better story (if you have time). Also, grammer needs lots of work... Finally, nice to see another Chinese cohort! (im an American Chinese in Beijing), and good luck to ur essay.
ktzluke10   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "First time ditched class" - UC transfer personal statement prompt 2 [4]

Make sure you say what u learned from it and make that the most important part of your essay. Also i stopped reading to let you fix the grammer errors yourself. The mother part in the last paragraph was a bit random. In the whole essay sounds like you were complaining rather than doing anything. I suggest write about a better topic, something that you are proud of rather than this. GL HF! And help me edit mine too!
ktzluke10   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'understanding economic and social laws' - Rice university [3]

Ok, good try, but can be much better. You should include some of your own experiences and make your essay more PERSONAL! i mean i can put my name in front of your essay and it would apply to me. Tell them why you want to study social science, and such. Needs to be rewritten if you have the time. But grammer is good :D

Also edit mine!
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