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Posts by bxlnt
Joined: Nov 23, 2011
Last Post: Nov 25, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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bxlnt   
Nov 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / Paper about if public schools should require uniforms [3]

According to bbc.co.uk (Survey Finds Support for Veil Ban) a study shows that 53% of Britons would support a ban on Muslim women wearing veils in school.

^ I wouldn't include the URL (link), doesn't seem to flow. Just use the title, I would say.
bxlnt   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "design entrepreneurship" - Common App [3]

I started the first two paragraphs of the essay.. but now I'm stuck on how to continue. Length-wise, it is 500 words max. About halfway there.

Things I'm concerned about:
- Grammar
- Fluidity
- Content
- How it transitions from the first to second paragraph seems funky
- How to effectively continue - the main purpose is supposed to be the challenges of being an entrepreneur at 16

Any help greatly appreciated!!

Ever since my childhood, I have always been passionate about all of the versatile and varying forms of art. At the age of five, I spent days persistently striving to teach myself how to braid hair so that I could practice creative hairstyles on my supportive grandmother. Later, I devoted countless hours to designing birthday cards for my friends in elementary school.

This artistic passion of mine had grown immensely at such a young age. However, like most young children, I dreamt of becoming something extraordinary, like an astronaut, an archaeologist, or an FBI agent. It wasn't until the dawning of my teenage years that I finally grasped hold of a rather bittersweet realization. The only thing that had been with me throughout my entire life was art. Amidst all of my peaks and valleys, it had always been in the tangible forefront. Based on this epiphany, I decided to pursue a future in the arts.

By the time I was twelve years old, I found my true calling, my niche in the art world: graphic design. It was the impeccable combination of my love for all mediums of art and my evolving appreciation for computers and the digital age. During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I combined my omnipresent passion for art, my inordinate thirst for knowledge, and my intensifying curiosity of the real world. I became an entrepreneur at the age of sixteen.

The year that I turned sixteen was a monumental time in my life. It was a time when I had accomplished some of my most significant achievements. At sixteen, I learned how to drive and gained the independence that I had been longing for. At sixteen, I was elected the position of editor for my high school's yearbook and had the opportunity to inspire younger minds while creating something worthwhile. At sixteen, I turned the challenge of starting my own graphic and web design business, Beauxlent, into an opportunity.
bxlnt   
Nov 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "design entrepreneurship" - Common App [3]

Thanks so much for the tip!!

I added a bit more. The ____'s are places where I am still trying to come up with something to say.
I'm still concerned about these things:
- Grammar
- Fluidity
- Content
- How it transitions from the first to second paragraph seems funky
- How to effectively continue - the main purpose is supposed to be the challenges of being an entrepreneur at 16
and just my transitions in general...
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