I started the first two paragraphs of the essay.. but now I'm stuck on how to continue. Length-wise, it is 500 words max. About halfway there.
Things I'm concerned about:
- Grammar
- Fluidity
- Content
- How it transitions from the first to second paragraph seems funky
- How to effectively continue - the main purpose is supposed to be the challenges of being an entrepreneur at 16
Any help greatly appreciated!!
Ever since my childhood, I have always been passionate about all of the versatile and varying forms of art. At the age of five, I spent days persistently striving to teach myself how to braid hair so that I could practice creative hairstyles on my supportive grandmother. Later, I devoted countless hours to designing birthday cards for my friends in elementary school.
This artistic passion of mine had grown immensely at such a young age. However, like most young children, I dreamt of becoming something extraordinary, like an astronaut, an archaeologist, or an FBI agent. It wasn't until the dawning of my teenage years that I finally grasped hold of a rather bittersweet realization. The only thing that had been with me throughout my entire life was art. Amidst all of my peaks and valleys, it had always been in the tangible forefront. Based on this epiphany, I decided to pursue a future in the arts.
By the time I was twelve years old, I found my true calling, my niche in the art world: graphic design. It was the impeccable combination of my love for all mediums of art and my evolving appreciation for computers and the digital age. During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I combined my omnipresent passion for art, my inordinate thirst for knowledge, and my intensifying curiosity of the real world. I became an entrepreneur at the age of sixteen.
The year that I turned sixteen was a monumental time in my life. It was a time when I had accomplished some of my most significant achievements. At sixteen, I learned how to drive and gained the independence that I had been longing for. At sixteen, I was elected the position of editor for my high school's yearbook and had the opportunity to inspire younger minds while creating something worthwhile. At sixteen, I turned the challenge of starting my own graphic and web design business, Beauxlent, into an opportunity.
Hi Zainab,
I am quite impressed by the content of the essay. The uniqueness of the essay is what will determine whether the admission team will forever remember your essay or not. The art of learning how to braid hair is quite interesting. What about you explain how you would plait your grandmother hair and she would be mad at you since they were badly made. You never gave up and continued with the struggle to learn something new using the grass at the field imagining it is hair. What about, telling us how you managed to become good in that work and later at the age of 16 would go round the village or town, door by door, home by home doing your customers hair to different occasion. The money earned you can say you used it to fund for your shopping to school or buy school equipments like calculators. I believe that is great entrepreneurship and then at the end you can say that you learn t that you were really great at this sector. You were great in marketing your product and you aim to be a great investor in the future. This is just a prompt.
To make the story captivating, you can start with a dialogue or a funny statement..just to captivate the reader. Like for example, a dialogue between you and your grandmother where she is shouting at your nagging nature...
You can ask me any questions.
Regards,
