tparisi
Nov 25, 2011
Graduate / 'discovered computers at school' -Personal Statement for a MSC in Computing in the UK [4]
Really solid essay so far, just a few adjustments to certain sentences:
"I am now feeling the need to get to the next level and I think the [MASTER] is the key for achieving it." -> "I find myself ready for the next challenge from which to advance my career and I believe a Masters is the key to fulfilling my goals"
"I believe both my professional and academic experiences make me an ideal candidate for your program ."
Your intro paragraph really grabbed my attention, and I think it's important to describe that this has been a lifelong passion for you. I just rearranged and reworded a few things to make it into more of a story: since it is the story of the beginning of your career!
"I was 12 when I first discovered computers . Absolutely fascinated, I immediately wanted to know what was behind the screen. Being a good user wasn't enough for me, and I had an urge to learn how they worked and be able to fix a computer on my own. It was from this desire that I came to discover the enriching and fulfilling world of programming. By this time I was 15 and had started to teach myself the C language as a hobby, and within a few months I had programmed a Sokoban."
I would go back and work on your closing paragraph though. I like the idea of incorporating your interests into the essay, but I feel like you would have a stronger conclusion if you went back and reworked it to talk about what you want to do and accomplish with the degree.
Good Luck!!! I hope this helped you!
Really solid essay so far, just a few adjustments to certain sentences:
"I am now feeling the need to get to the next level and I think the [MASTER] is the key for achieving it." -> "I find myself ready for the next challenge from which to advance my career and I believe a Masters is the key to fulfilling my goals"
"I believe both my professional and academic experiences make me an ideal candidate for your program ."
Your intro paragraph really grabbed my attention, and I think it's important to describe that this has been a lifelong passion for you. I just rearranged and reworded a few things to make it into more of a story: since it is the story of the beginning of your career!
"I was 12 when I first discovered computers . Absolutely fascinated, I immediately wanted to know what was behind the screen. Being a good user wasn't enough for me, and I had an urge to learn how they worked and be able to fix a computer on my own. It was from this desire that I came to discover the enriching and fulfilling world of programming. By this time I was 15 and had started to teach myself the C language as a hobby, and within a few months I had programmed a Sokoban."
I would go back and work on your closing paragraph though. I like the idea of incorporating your interests into the essay, but I feel like you would have a stronger conclusion if you went back and reworked it to talk about what you want to do and accomplish with the degree.
Good Luck!!! I hope this helped you!