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Posts by smtz88
Joined: Dec 16, 2011		 Last Post: Dec 20, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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smtz88   
Dec 18, 2011
Scholarship / 'a forensic field, or something similar' - NSF - My Education and Career Goals [6]

I have to write a 300 word essay on "My Education and Career Goals" for a National Science Foundation Scholarhip for Biology Majors.
I think I have a few grammar mistakes and I want to know if it the essay sounds significant and interesting. Thank you!

Here it goes:

My name is Sandra and I am currently a sophomore, attending both Laredo Community College and Texas A & M International University. I am pursuing a major in Biology with the intent of earning a Bachelor's of Arts in said area with a minor in Forensics. My goal is to attain a career where I can do my part to better my community and perhaps express my passion in solving abstract problems and investigating the natural world. There are many ideas and adventures in which I eagerly await to pursue, all of which connect to my interest in biology and science.

For my college career, I decided to pursue a Bachelor's of Arts in Biology, as opposed to a Bachelor of Science, because as much as I enjoy learning biology, I have a keen interest in some areas like forensic science, English, mathematics and philosophy. A Bachelor's of Arts will surely help me gain the necessary knowledge to help me obtain a career in the scientific field, but still help me explore other areas that will surely make me a more well-rounded individual.

As I continue to work on my Bachelor's in Biology, I plan to apply to internship programs that will give me hands on experience in the scientific field. One of the internship programs that I will be applying to will include the Hispanic Association of Colleges and Universities (HACU) National Internship Program. Hopefully, getting into that program will provide me with the opportunity to gain experience in the federal government by allowing me to participate in Federal Sponsorships like the Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, or the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

After college, I would like to find a career as either a Laboratory technician, in a forensic field, or something similar. Then, I would like to perhaps pursue a Master's Degree to get into an institute like the National Biocontainment Laboratory in Galveston, Texas. The knowledge and experience I gain from my college career shall benefit me in finding a profession that will stimulate my enthusiasm for investigating and researching things around me.
smtz88   
Dec 18, 2011
Book Reports / Research paper on The Great Gatsby (scenes of weddings, funerals, parties, and other) [5]

Try to research what was going on during the time the novel was written. I needed to read that story in High School and then watch the movie. The parts that are most memorable are the eyes watching from above. You say "select a novel or play that includes such a scene...," so do you have to write about the Great Gatsby and another novel?
smtz88   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'it was unique and had more to offer' -Why did you choose Swarthmore? [3]

In the second paragraph, you talk a lot about the man who made you interested in the college. If you could somehow re-word it where you don't talk much about him (like when you began various sentences with "according to him" or "he continued") it will seem more personal and it won't seem like you were persuaded/convinced to join it.

Perhaps just talk about him in two sentences only on how he played a roll in your influence of wanting to learn more about Swarthmore, and then finding all the things about that college that made you seek to join it.
smtz88   
Dec 18, 2011
Book Reports / Paper about Drew Barrymore and hectic life [3]

Trying to gain support from parents is like getting permission to do something. Barrymore's family tree consisted of members in the show-business. Drew's great-grandfather, Maurice and his wife Georgiana were famous comedians of the nineteenth century. Drew's Uncle called John Barrymore Sr., starred in several plays.

I think the first sentence should be omitted. Then change the last sentence to:
Drew's uncle, John Barrymore Sr., starred in several plays during _____.

By eleven months old, the friends of Drew's mom told her that her daughter should audition for commercials, but the mom didn't want her daughter to be an actress like the rest of the family.

This sentence could be better written. Also, "the friends of Drew's mom" should be changed to "the Friends of Drew's mother suggested that her daughter should audition for television commercials."
smtz88   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Choreography allows me to purse dance' - Johns Hopkins- Tell us about yourself [2]

Every few months at Cypress Academy I get to teach my routines to a group of girls whose family's struggle financially and can't afford dance classes. Having been in the same shoes as them, I became their dance teacher and gave them the chance to dance as performers and help them forget about the worries at home. As a young girl, I did not have the same opportunities to pursue my desires, and the girls I choreograph are true talents because they don't letdo not allow their struggles to stand in the way of their pursuits.

Dance unites us all together because movement is universal.

I'm not sure what you want to convey by your first sentence, but perhaps if you add it at the conclusion, it will put everything together and fit with the rest of the essay.
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