AnnaAmy
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'foreigners love to remark on Chinese education system' - Common app [10]
You relied on the thesaurus wayyyy too much; it makes your essay awkward. I used blue to mark all the words that you should replace with simpler ones.
I used green to mark other awkward, grammatically incorrect phrases.
As I finished the last derivative question of a weekly math test, my "boss" shouted "TIME UP!" and coerced us to submit our pieces. Then I walked to the front of the classroom, filed all students' answer sheets, sent them to my teacher's office and went home. That's a quintessential day of my life as a senior, also in every other Chinese student's .
Boring? Yeah, but that's merely ostensible .
When heard that there would be a sea of monotonous tests in our formidable last year at high school, dread and pressure occupied my mind just like everybody had. I experienced the first examination shortly after I began my final year, when I was a bit morose but didn't endeavor too hard with my preparation. However, things just went by contrary . Never had I expected that I would do such good work that I got the highest mark in my class and ranked 28th in the whole grade, for I didn't even strive whereas others spared no effort. Was it haphazard or owing to my potentials? My ludicrous confidence began to expand and I blindly supposed that I could get a content mark without much effort. Predictably, this wrong assumptionevaporated instantaneously . In my second monthly exam, my rank declined to 55th and my math was a complete mess. I became strained and took several academic measures promptly. I collected all my mistakes in a notebook for reference to shun similar mistakes. I spent extra time every night on doing math exercises and reviewing all the errors that I made before.
...sorry I give up. You should have a native speaker look this over. On a side note, this essay is boring. Is getting your grades up senior year the most exciting thing you did in life? Probably not.
You relied on the thesaurus wayyyy too much; it makes your essay awkward. I used blue to mark all the words that you should replace with simpler ones.
I used green to mark other awkward, grammatically incorrect phrases.
As I finished the last derivative question of a weekly math test, my "boss" shouted "TIME UP!" and coerced us to submit our pieces. Then I walked to the front of the classroom, filed all students' answer sheets, sent them to my teacher's office and went home. That's a quintessential day of my life as a senior, also in every other Chinese student's .
Boring? Yeah, but that's merely ostensible .
When heard that there would be a sea of monotonous tests in our formidable last year at high school, dread and pressure occupied my mind just like everybody had. I experienced the first examination shortly after I began my final year, when I was a bit morose but didn't endeavor too hard with my preparation. However, things just went by contrary . Never had I expected that I would do such good work that I got the highest mark in my class and ranked 28th in the whole grade, for I didn't even strive whereas others spared no effort. Was it haphazard or owing to my potentials? My ludicrous confidence began to expand and I blindly supposed that I could get a content mark without much effort. Predictably, this wrong assumptionevaporated instantaneously . In my second monthly exam, my rank declined to 55th and my math was a complete mess. I became strained and took several academic measures promptly. I collected all my mistakes in a notebook for reference to shun similar mistakes. I spent extra time every night on doing math exercises and reviewing all the errors that I made before.
...sorry I give up. You should have a native speaker look this over. On a side note, this essay is boring. Is getting your grades up senior year the most exciting thing you did in life? Probably not.