Undergraduate / essay on international relations and personal experience- UPenn supplement [5]

Hey! this is my essay on the UPenn supplement! I have really been struggling with this piece so all honest feedback and comments would be appreciated! thanks in advance

Prompt: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique as[ects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?

When my brother returned from his first summer program at the University of Pennsylvania, I received the impression that Penn was a place where students found joy and meaning in their academic pursuits. It seemed like the university that would support each individual's educational explorations and encourage them to delve into various interests, rather than restricting them to limited curricula. Strictly speaking, it appeared to be the university where I would not only be challenged in a flexible, interdisciplinary curriculum but also be given the opportunity to strive amid a diverse and devoted student body.

My doubts were cleared when I visited the campus my junior year. The students I chatted with were not only engaging but were interested in what I had to say as well. After listening to my exposures to adversity in Russia and my goals to improve the affairs among countries, a Russian student informed me of the programs for cultural awareness in which she had been participating at Penn. Another Korean undergrad shared my support of the South Korea-United States Free Trade Agreement and the benefits it would bring to our families. Although I grew up in seven different countries, I had never felt so at home as I did at Penn.

The role of international relations in the developments of countries fascinates me. Exposed to globalization at a young age, I have seen an impoverished nation emerge into an economic powerhouse because of its international ties with helping countries; in the same way, I hope to use my studies in cultural relations to ameliorate foreign and domestic struggles. For example, after my apartment home in Russia burned to the ground because some beggars had started a fire to keep warm, I have thought of introducing foreign business ventures for affordable heat supplies in Moscow. I would like to present theoretical solutions to international problems in the SIR Journal of International Relations and provide different perspectives supported by personal experience.

At Penn, I plan to introduce the concept of the Living Library, a club a friend and I established which serves as a student-run neural network of tutors, journalists, and other individuals. Penn's Living Library will be much like the IR Undergraduate Student Association (IRUSA), one of the few organizations for the international relations undergraduates, but it will add to the student participation on which clubs depend their success.

Since Penn offers programs that support real-world applications from classroom learning, I want to take advantage of opportunities like PiAf and contribute to the futures of emerging countries like South Africa. In the class, courses like "Transnational Issues and Global Politics," will show me in a historical and political context how intercontinental issues like foreign trade have determined cultural norms such as the changing dining habits in my own family. These studies will help me see where the world is heading, and hopefully one day, may lead me to guide the futures of my many homes.

To achieve these goals, I would be required to have knowledge in economics and business, subjects in which I am interested but have little experience. Fortunately, student organizations such as Awareness of International Markets (AIM) and Undergraduate Economics Society (UES) at Penn not only allow but encourage its students to find education outside their comfortable area of study. I regret not having enough opportunities to pursue my interests in economics or business, but through Penn's vast selection of clubs and extracurricular activities, I hope to learn from people whose interests are similar and different to mine.

Penn already feels like home. The intercultural community is where I can make my voice be heard, and each challenge I face will be another step towards achieving my dreams. I am prepared to take on those challenges and that, I know to be true.

my thoughts: too long.. anywhere I can cut words? do i sound like I want to go to UPenn?

Undergraduate / UChicago prompt about meditation- between living and dreaming there is a third thing [2]

Hi! this is my essay for the University of Chicago and I need really honest feedback on this piece please. It's about how I found meditation and I know it is very abstract but please take a look. I will help you out as well. Thanks in advance.

Essay Option 3: Spanish poet Antonio Machado wrote, "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it." Give us your guess.

---->"Focus on the space between your fingers," Doc G, my philosophy teacher told me. I closed my eyes, straightened my back, and held my hands forward. When I placed my mind on those gaps as I was told, a compelling force nudged against my skin, and I felt as if I had been absorbed into a ball between my hands. "Whoa! That was cool!" I exclaimed. Doc G nodded and applauded, "Welcome to a new world."

---->Although I had initially gone to the gym seeking refuge from stress, it was serendipity that I had found even a hint of this new world, the graceful art of qigong. Ever since, I have fostered this skill of focusing my mind on anything and becoming immersed in it. The energy (or chi) in my body rushes into my head, clashing with the idealistic fantasies and stressful realities of life, and merges the two antipodal entities together. When this happens, my muscles let go of all tension, my mind becomes light as a feather, and I am able to drift into my imaginations or think crystal clearly if I wish.

---->During my first successful attempt to enter this junction between imagination and reality, I re-discovered myself in Slovenia lazing under a tree. I opened my eyes to face an endless expanse of green, the sunlight filtering through the leaves and illuminating the emerald beauty of the land. "Nothing could feel better than this." I thought. The dream-like escape was ecstatic. Yet I was still conscious of this dream, controlling the medium which I was in.

--->However, when the busyness and stress creeps in, I take a deep breath- it's as if the stress and tension of the day binds to the oxygen molecules like a substrate binds to its enzyme. And when I breathe out, the stress disperses and my mind vaporizes to become light and empty as mist. This is when I do some of my best thinking; AP Biology terms teem brightly in my head before a test and Physics formulas bounce around before my eyes. I owe the equilibrium in my life and the peace that I have found to this simple concept of relaxing and letting the life-force flow into my head.

---->Through meditation, I can freely enter and exit these states in which I am neither living nor dreaming, conscious nor unconscious. It's wonderful to be able to dream whenever I wish and then return to reality. I believe this is the third thing between dreaming and living: meditation and using my chi to envision anything and trail into that vision. It is the relaxed state of mind, the surrendering of everything that lets me drift into the void between consciousness and unconsciousness.