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Posts by ThelionN [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 28, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 5  
From: Bulgaria

Displayed posts: 6
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ThelionN   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'It all started in my Physics class' - Common Application [10]

Would appreciate any constructive criticism :) Be harsh on me :( I know it sucks, but any help towards getting it better is appreciated ^_^
The topic is supposed to be : Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It all started in my Physics class. After class the teacher asked me and a few other classmates if we would like to participate in a contest. Obviously we all answered positively with excitement, because we knew it was going to be a very fun and new experience for us. A few weeks had passed, when the teacher reminded us about the contest we had forgotten about. She said it was to be held next month. Right away she noticed our frustration and proposed that we could go and visit the Observatory for some advice and help with the project. It was a place which I had known my whole life, but never bothered to visit. We held a meeting there and I met some very interesting people. After the opportunity to talk with those people our group was filled with enthusiasm and ideas about the project. We gathered at my house and started working immediately. We repeated this until the day of the contest; every day after school we would all go to my home and brainstorm over new ideas. It was great, not only that we were working together on the project, which was something new to me, but our teamwork was also better than when we started. Before we knew it the time had passed. It was "that day", already.

The contest itself was to be held at the Observatory. When we got there it was full of people. Eagerly we waited for them to announce the beginning and who is to present their project first. Good for us or at least for me, I did not want us to be first, we were the 3rd team to show our project. Before we knew it the first two teams had already been done, their projects were very good so I was a little intimidated. We got up on the stage and started presenting. It was my first time being in front of such a big crowd. When my time came to speak I was dumbfounded. I opened my mouth in an effort to speak, but nothing came out. This moment which surely lasted only a few seconds was like an eternity to me. My heart was pulsing and my head was about to explode, I could see them all looking at me. Then my classmate next to me pushed me and in an instant everything was back to normal. Other than my little hiccup during the presentation everything went smoothly. After a few hours when all of the teams presented their projects it was announced. We won. I did not believe it at first, I was sure that because of me we were not going to get 1st place, but luckily I think that the judges understood we were all nervous. Right after this contest one of the teachers in the observatory offered us to join a club in which we were to learn about Astronomy. It is as if a whole new world opened in front of me when I began visiting this club. I found out so many new and beautiful things in our universe that I was just astonished. Never would have I guessed that the space beyond our planet was hiding such secrets. That is how it all began. Since "that day" my life has changed. No longer am I afraid of speaking in front of crowds, but even more I found something new and very interesting to me.

For this I am thankful to my Physics teacher. If it was not for her I doubt I would have made so many new friends and more importantly find something new that had always been there.
ThelionN   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'It all started in my Physics class' - Common Application [10]

Harsh?Definitely. That is why I said I wanted harsh judgement :) Thank you very much I will try to re-do it.. This is really tough for me since I am really bad at writing essays >.< Thank you again !
ThelionN   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Getting an artistic pattern' - CommonApp Elaborate on an Extracurricular [5]

Some sentences are too long. Instead of using so many comas try dividing them.

"It looks like it should be so simple, just waving your hands around in a specific pattern, but once you start trying to conduct, it quickly becomes apparent how many minute details are involved in getting an artistic and readable pattern." - It looks like it should be so simple.J ust waving your hands around in a specific pattern, but once you start trying to conduct, it quickly becomes apparent how many minor details are involved in getting an artistic and readable pattern.
ThelionN   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Feminist Perspective'- Common App. Main essay [17]

As it was mentioned by a few people feminism is a subject with which you must be cautious. It all depends on the person who will be reading you essay of course. Other than that it really is written well and I can't really see any mistakes that have not been mentioned.
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