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Posts by flash king
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Last Post: Dec 29, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

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flash king   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "Who am I? I am...." Boston University Admissions Essay [6]

Here's the prompt: It is three weeks before the start of your freshman year at BU, and you are talking to your new roommate for the first time. Since you are trying to get to know each other, what are a few things you would want to share about who you are?

As I lay in bed tossing a ball in the air, I hear a knock on the door to my new dorm room. Sitting up as the door opens, I see a teen slightly older than I walk in while pulling a stack of luggage behind him. Standing up to greet the individual, I am surprised to see him walk straight to one of the desks in the room and signal me to follow. Tentative, I make my way over to the empty seat across from what appears to be my roommate and dare to inquire "Ok, so what's all this about?" Looking me in the eyes, the teen replies, "Sorry for the rude entrance, but before I start unpacking, I would like to get to know the person whom I may be rooming with for the next year. So tell me, who are you?" Pondering this interesting question, I sit back. After a few moments of thinking, I smile at my roommate to be and say, "I have an answer for you. I could go into a long speech right now, listing off all the things that make me, well myself. But I think you'll learn most of that along the way. Instead I'm going to hit the highlights, what I think are the most important things to know about me.

"First and foremost I am someone who loves God. The most important thing about me is that with everything I do, I try my best to please God. I'm thankful to Him for everything I have, including my life, and am determined to live it at His standard. Nothing else is more important. After being...a Christian (I am not too fond of that word) the next thing you should know about me is that I am a nerd and a jock combined, and I am proud. I read manga (japanese comic books), play video games, and have a passion for science fiction as well as playing sports, working out, and watching Sportscenter. I could spend hours talking to you about Dragon Ball Z, Mario, and the Lord of the Rings as much as I could about the baseball, interval training at the gym, and the Miami Heat. Sort of a wide range of interests right? See the thing is, aside from loving God, the most important thing you could remember to describe me as is open minded. I am completely open to all thoughts, tastes, and interests. I'd like to think that I'm easily approachable by anyone with any thoughts or questions. I'm just that kind of guy, curious to encounter anything new and interesting.

"You were curious to know who it is you will be rooming with. And now you basically know. I'm a Christian with an open mind. Now you tell me: Am I someone you're interested in rooming with here at Boston University?"

I tried to write the response as a narrative, my preferred style of writing. However I felt like I lost the drive to write it and it didnt come out to well. I'd appreciate any comments.
flash king   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / search for career paths - Intellectual vitality essay Stanford Supplement [3]

I like the answer you gave to this question, you definitely went into an idea/experience that has been important to your intellectual development. I found a few grammatical errors, like the comma in the last sentence of your paragraph doesn't need to be there but should go after the word "fortunately" and "Muhammad" in your second to last sentence in the same paragraph. Really I would say just check your comma placement. Other than that, I like it.
flash king   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / BU Essays - ROOMMATE / DIALOGUE [6]

I really liked this. The way you told us about you, before you even met your roommate as you roam around B&N is unique.

In this sentence: "Hopefully my roommate knows that that I like to work in a quiet, orderly, and clean environment. " I'd reword it, keeping in mind that you haven't met your roommate yet, so she wouldn't know anything about you.

Here: "We can go back to my home state, New York and eat at Red Lobster, Chipotle or Crumbs. IchiUmi is also a great choice, if she likes sushi." I'd combine the two sentences. Going with what Chopeful said, drop one or two of the three restaurants in the first sentence (love Red Lobster by the way) and then use "or" for IchiUmi. Keep what you said about her liking sushi, i like it. Also add a comma after New York.

honestly, I like the idea of telling us about yourself, while you wait to tell your roommate about yourself. I'd just work it a bit more. Other than that, great job!
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