Posts by sunsetblossom

sunsetblossom

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / 'combining technicalities' - Johns Hopkins supplementary essay (ED) [2]

1. Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Besides my love for math, I also have a passion for art. Just as language is an art form, so is putting numbers and formulas together to create a whole new language. That is why i am interested in computers: because they allow that combination. I hope to fuse tastefulness and technique in any Java software that I create, or fashion beautiful images from complex, but seemingly simple to the untrained eye, computer graphics. In my mind, that means realizing the bigger picture and applying myself as a cog within it.

My Calculus teacher taught me a bit about combining technicalities with the bigger picture. It was not just about the numbers; there is an art to applying the correct calculations onto the correct situation. We would write papers and have discussions regarding the deeper meanings of numbers. For example, there is no possible way to count to infinity. Or is there? Aren't there an infinite number of numbers between "0" and "1"? This was an idea that intrigued me, and these are the little nuances that make math and computers fun. We all work toward a goal of greater knowledge in hopes that one day, we will hit the feel-good epiphany and realize that we actually can count from infinity and back.

Thank you for editing, and I will do my best to help you out too!
Word count: 213

sunsetblossom

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Tutored English writing' - Admissions Tutors interest essay [4]

Hi there,
So I'll just look at the grammar first:
1. "my only leisure activity" -- leisure is generally used as a noun, meaning "free time". Maybe something like, "the only activity I did at my leisure"?

2. "reading The New York Times daily" -- You should probably quote "The New York Times".
3. "send it to The Korea Times" -- same as #2.
4. "Since March, 2010," -- This is slightly awkward because of the commas. To make it more fluid, you could probably just switch out the comma for "of" : "Since March of 2010..."

5. You abbreviate HKU. I will make an assumption in that you would probably want to type out the entire name of the university. Generally that is the safer route to take. :)

6. "will not only strengthen my writing skill, but will expose me" -- I would recommend you add the world "also" before "expose me", because it is the second thing that "HKU's strong journalism program" will give you. um, Does that make sense? "It will not only strengthen my writing skills, but will also expose me to..."

7. "to work hand by hand with the world's renowned journalists" -- the "Hand by hand" part is awkward. Maybe what you meant was "side by side"?

8. "wide array of professors is actual journalists and major researchers" -- change the "is" to "are".
9. Finally, please watch out for contractions: "I've". I know for a fact that many, many readers do not like them.

As a little P.S., I felt like the final paragraph regarding yourself is a little disconnected from the rest of the essay. If it is possible, try to connect the two, because that final paragraph seems to have little to do with journalism besides the fact that you show interest in language/linguistics. Maybe draw FROM those experiences why you want to study journalism even more!