Undergraduate / 'my question asking habit' - Boston University Roommate [5]

Hi there! Right now, I'm in need of someone to revise my essay, since I don't have much time left. In return, I will help you guys look over your essays, just tell me!

Any constructive criticism and comments will be greatly appreciated!

Hello future Roommate,
First of all, I really appreciate the email you sent me. I felt as if I met you in person. In return I'm sending an email about myself. I'll start off with an anecdote. When I was about six years old, my mother and I went to a local supermarket in California to buy groceries. After two extensive hours of searching for the items on the checklist, we were finally done. Relieved, I hummed "Twinkle twinkle little star" under my breath. However, at that moment my eyes fell upon the candy aisle. In a flash, I was on the floor crying, begging for candy. Persistent to not lose the battle, I mustered all the strength I could and screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping my wish would be fulfilled. Yet, it was no use. I was the loser and my mom, the winner. On the way back home, I contemplated my actions. Deep in thought, I realized that I was really foolish to have cried. Looking at my mom in the car mirror, I could see her disappointment in me. So I did what I felt was right; I apologized. Once the words, "I'm sorry" flew out of my mouth, my mom's frown turned into an upward curve. Happy to see my mom smile, I started humming Twinkle Twinkle Little Star again. From this anecdote, most people would think of me as a stubborn person. However, this isn't what I'm trying to convey. Instead, I'm trying to say that I love making people feel happy and cheerful whenever I can. To be more specific, I want to promote world peace. Even though people might say this dream is unattainable, I would say it is possible. I want to show people that it can be achieved by doing small acts of kindness. This might sound very clichéd to you, but I assure you this makes people's days brighter.

Another interesting fact I would like to tell you is my curiosity for the world. On a regular basis, I would probably ask about three questions a day, that means twenty one questions a week. But I assure you, you will get used to my question asking habit in no time. So please don't be alarmed by this irregular habit of mine. Other times I just sit back and listen to conversations that I happen to come across. Not a peep of sound would erupt out of my mouth. Instead, my mind would start contemplating the conversation and try to unravel what people are talking about. You would probably think I'm a stalker, but I can't help it. I love knowing things that I've never thought about before. If you want to, call me Curious George and I wouldn't mind at all. However, if you really can't stand me, just take a pair of sound proof headphones and blast music into them to cover up my incessant talking.

Well, that's about it. I hope this email gave you some insight of what I'm like. If you have questions for me, I will be happy to tell you more of myself when you arrive at the dorm. I hope you have a safe flight!

Undergraduate / 'Angie's optimism' - Pepperdine essay: Community service experience [NEW]

Hi guys,
I'm submitting this today!!! I really need help on this essay, any constructive criticism or advice on grammar is appreciated! I will help look over your essays in return.

Staring into the evening lights, I called out "Zai jian!" meaning good bye in Chinese as my tutor kid skipped towards her mom's waiting car. With a bright smile on her face, she turned around and replied, "Thank you, I love English!" Looking after my tutor kid's disappearing figure, a mixture of disbelief and happiness filled me. I was happy that my tutor kid loved English now, but I couldn't believe that the service was over. As I contemplated my thoughts, my thoughts went back to the first day of the program.

Our homeroom teacher was passing out some sort of signup sheet. Without giving the paper a glance, I threw it in the recycle bin. However I picked it up again. Looking at the crumpled paper, I saw the words Night Angel Program, in which we visit a local Taiwanese school to teach children English. I had little faith in myself for tutoring kids. Hesitant whether I should give go, my friend did her best to persuade me to go. In the end, I did go. In a flash, a car was driving me towards my destination: Jiushe Elementary School.

As the car came to a complete stop, I looked around as the coordinator of the program led us to a classroom. Upon seeing the empty room, my fear renewed and my faith in myself wavered. What if the children never listen to me? Would the kids like me? Suddenly, a high shrill was heard. The kids appeared and filed into the classroom. Then, the coordinator assigned a kid for us to work with. I ended up with a girl named Angie. Giving her a smile, I asked how her day was and asked if she liked English. As expected, she said no. Yet, I decided to give it my all to make English fun for her. Time passed, and Angie began to open up and ask questions. "How about this word?" she asked in Chinese. In response, I answered, "lollipop". Upon hearing the word, she emitted an angel's laughter; she was enjoying English. Realizing what just happened, I saw my faith in myself gradually coming back.

By the end of the first day, my fear diminished and I enjoyed talking to Angie. As my time with Angie was over for the first day, she came up to me and gave me a wide smile and big bear hug. Surprised by her sudden actions, I chuckled under my breath. Staring into those bright eyes, I saw Angie's optimism making me wanting to continue helping kids like Angie.

Because of this community service, my faith in myself and passion in helping others grew stronger. No matter if it is tutoring kids or helping the needy around the world, my passion for provide service will never cease. Keeping this notion in mind, I believe that Pepperdine is a university that can aid me to spread my contributions to the community and the world.