Undergraduate / Personal statement- what i would bring to diversity in the Rice community [3]

Any and all suggestions would be much appreciated

---Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.---

My cultural identity, personal background and overall perspective on life are not ones I share with many people, and they are ones I find unique among my peers. It is my childhood in Ethiopia, my mental and physical transition to the west, my consequently developed cross-cultural identity, and the Muslim faith and spirituality I have held on to that set me apart. This will collectively bring tremendous diversity to a college community and contribute to the creation of a more vibrant and diverse educational atmosphere.

I am the first born of a six member family, and was soon joined by a younger sister. Life in Addis Ababa, the crowded capital of Ethiopia, presented difficulties for my family. My parents tried to withhold from me the fact that we were struggling with money, while they attempted to keep us safe and, very importantly, in school. My dad was away for months at a time, driving trucks for the military during the Ethiopian-Eritrean War over mine infested grounds, just to support my family. I began to develop independence over time because my sister and I were usually left alone or in the care of a neighbor.

We all had to make many sacrifices. My mother started working a double shift to pay for my schooling, and I almost never got to see her. My parents could not even take me to school; they paid a man who drove about twenty of the neighborhood kids stuffed into a compact car. One morning as I ran out to the car, I fell and hit my head on the rocky ground. I could not get up afterwards. My mother was not home and the driver, afraid and not knowing what to do, stuffed me in with the rest and dropped me off at school. I walked in and collapsed on the floor with something warm trickling down my face; blood.

I was able to recover without falling behind in school, but soon after this catastrophe died down, another one surfaced. One day when my father was driving, he was hit by a hidden mine. Fortunately, he survived with only a few scratches, but the truck was blown in half by the explosion, leaving my father without work and unable to make a living. To add to the list of troubles, all of this occurred simultaneously with the arrival of a new brother. My parents realized they could no longer live in Ethiopia and educate their children while keeping them safe from the conflict that continued to rage on the border of Eritrea and Ethiopia.

We were lucky enough finally to win a visa to America, but we had to leave all of our loving family and friends who were our support system during the difficulties. Everyone was weeping at the airport. At first I did not understand the tears and was more interested in watching the airplanes take off, wondering how they stayed in the air. My excitement died when I saw my father crying for the first time in my life. I realized that I might never see the beloved people I had spent my whole life with ever again.

We arrived in the United States in February of 2000. I was enrolled in a Dallas public school as soon as possible, but the language and cultural barrier posed extreme difficulty for me and my family. Communication was a major issue because I did not know any English at the time, but I had learned how to read the English alphabet in Ethiopia. I began reading children's books every chance I had, often getting in trouble for reading during class. I always had a book on my person and quickly started to pick up the language. I became a translator for my parents and their connection to the new culture in which we found ourselves immersed. I found myself explaining American traditions and relating them to Ethiopian ones. In this way I developed a cross-cultural identity.

The adversities I have faced in adjusting to a new culture, breaking through a language barrier, and persevering through limiting economic disadvantages have borne in me a great determination to succeed. I was able to cope with and overcome these adversities through the support of my family. Despite being a first-generation student, the love of my devoted family has kept me focused on my future and kept my dreams alive.

My life experiences have endowed me with unending curiosity and insatiable passion for everything I do. I have developed an interest in mechanical engineering through my passion for math and science and my curiosity about how things operate. Rice University will help me research, develop, and test not only tools and machines, but also myself.

Undergraduate / Essay feedback - Issue of terrorism and its significance to me [2]

I need help with grammar, structure, and context.
Any and all suggestions would be appreciated
Thank you

---Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.---

The issue of terrorism hits close to home. It largely affects me, my family and our community as a whole.

I was in the 4th grade when the twin towers fell. I didn't know it then but my life changed that day. That single act of terrorism not only affected me, but my family, the whole of the Muslim community, as well as the world at large.

That tragic event, the many other acts of violence that followed, as well as the war in Iraq affects me in a different way than most because I am a Muslim. It gave Muslims a bad name throughout the United States and the world. For me, this meant being looked at differently, being made fun of and even being feared or hated.

The first time I heard the bombing was implemented by Muslim extremists, I could not believe it. How could any Muslim be capable of such an atrocious act of terrorism? How could anyone call themselves a Muslim, one who submits, after destroying the lives of innocent men and women and their families? I had to accept it was true. I felt sick; ashamed to make my religion known to anyone. I was young, 12 years old, but I knew many children and even other Muslims had been killed. It was indiscriminate killing. I knew that could never be justified. It rattled my faith for the the first time.

Nevertheless, I was mercilessly put down and made fun of by my peers, who, driven by fear, shunned me for being different. Eventually the desire to know the truth and to defend myself led me to research. I confirmed Islam does not preach terrorism. I also discovered there are groups within every religion that are terrorists.

9/11 put the spot light on Muslims. People questioned me about Islam and what it was all about. The result was me questioning my own religion. This led me to learn about Islam in depth and discover satisfactory answers to my own and other people's query.

In a twist of fate, the effects of terrorism led me to learn more about my religion, developing a stronger faith, and resulted in personal growth. Terrorism made me face discrimination and hate but ironically has strengthened me and my faith. Consequently, I work to correct misconceptions about Islam every opportunity I have.

Undergraduate / Mohammed Ibn Abdullah has made an impact on my life [3]

I need help with grammar, structure, and context.
Any and all suggestions would be much appreciated
Thank you!

---Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.---

It is difficult to gauge the impact that all the people in my life have had on me, but one person that has had a profound influence, in the way I go about my affairs every single day, lived over 1400 years ago. Nevertheless, I feel a personal kinship with him. His teachings play a role in all aspects of my life. His legacy is my reference of how to behave, how to be a constructive citizen, good child, and how to seek knowledge and truth. These are values expressed most clearly to me in the story of Mohammed, Prophet of Islam.

Mohammed Ibn Abdullah, born 570 in the city of Mecca, entered a brutal world defined by hunger, violence and tribal warfare to face an absolutely despairing situation. There was virtually a whole continent of people killing one another in an endless, hopeless vendetta, going down a chute of violence and warfare, feeling society was coming to an end. Mohammed, in a period of 23 years, single handedly gave them hope.

Mohammed came from very humble origins. He was orphaned at the age of six and was illiterate. Despite this, he united a people separated by deep rooted tribal disputes. He is considered by some, the most influential single figure in human history because of his successful on both the religious and secular levels. I was also reared in modest surroundings in the capital city of Ethiopia and I look to Mohammed as the ultimate role model to help me shape my goals in the right direction and keep me focused. One of Mohammed's main principles was "If you want to serve god, serve people." I would like to gain a college education through the Texas A&M experience, with the academic opportunities to help me become the best I can be at the engineering career of my choice, and the perfect social atmosphere, harmony, friendliness and kindness, to help me accomplish my goals. So that I may one day be able to return to Ethiopia and work to successfully make life better for people.

Through the stories of Mohammed I am able to make connections. As I strive to follow his teachings, all of a sudden ,I feel I can relate to things that happened 1400 years ago and the issues are universal. Mohammed, a model as a political leader and individual, thought the values of knowledge, diligence, honesty, and tolerance. He made great accomplishments in his time and didn't let success overpower him or his ego get the best of him. His works combine political, military, social, religious, intellectual dimensions of life in ways that are important for me in the 21st century trying to put together a complete and accomplished life as well. This especially applies to me at this point in my life as I prepare to make a crucial decision and experience a transition to college.

I live my life through his example, a living example of behavior. Of righteousness, honesty and integrity, as well as compassion, justice and equity. How I walk, how I speak, how I carry myself, how I treat my mother and father; how I behave as a son, a brother, a student, a friend, a neighbor, and a human being-that is all Mohammed in action. Mohammed died in 632 and left behind him a people united

Today Mohammed remains, more than anything else, a great role model.

Undergraduate / Frontiers of Flight Museum + math, science - USC short answer questions [4]

Do these answer the questions properly? Is there any way I could improve the answers?
Are there any grammar or structural errors?
I would appreciate any feedback!
Thank you!!

Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why.
My time spent volunteering at the Frontiers of Flight Museum this past summer was a very meaningful and enlightening experience. I have since developed a profound appreciation for aviation, from space flight to hot air balloons. I first spent the majority of my volunteering time shadowing the more experienced tour guides to learn as much as possible. Many of these volunteers were veterans who themselves were pilots during World War II. We would sit together in the break room on slow days, five or six of us, and I heard many stories of their past experiences, from war stories to college to past careers, and life in general. I also spent a lot of my time reading the literature displayed on exhibits all over the museum. Every week I helped clean and polish air crafts, such as the Lear Jet, and restored airplane engines and parts on display. The model shop was a favorite of mine, as I learned to build delicate model planes that tested my patience.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC.
I am passionate about math, science, research and discovery; as well as comparative religion and religious studies. I'm always curious about how things operate and how they could become better. Through my years at the Science and Engineering Magnet I have developed an interest in Engineering and I plan to diligently pursue this at USC. I also plan on participation in research that would satisfy my passion and curiosity. I am confident the means and resources to fulfill my goals and interests lie at USC.