Posts by Roluwa

Roluwa

Jan 3, 2012

Undergraduate / (don't know how to start) - SUMMER RESEARCH PROGRAM ESSAYS (completed) [3]

1. What are your educational, research and employment experience as it relates to your training in research?
*Ok. I am currently a student at SMU on the pre-med track. I am a chemistry and psychology major. The only research experience I have is during the summer where I worked for my genetics professor in his lab. I was thinking that I could start out with my typical day in the lab? (or is that too much) I don't want to bore the reader...

Try for an unconventional essay, it might be harder to pull off, but keep their attention as you're spouting off important details that show you're qualified. I would go for light humor in describing your day to day activities in the lab, but not overshadow your seriousness. Since its an internship they know they'll have to work with you, so they want someone serious, but not a complete robot. I wouldn't oversell the joking side, like this essay

c4vct.com/kym/humor/collessy.htm

Also tell how your initiative nature has benifitted you in the lab, and what you have to offer them based on both your star quality traits and your experience.

2. Describe the areas of particular interests and your reasons for these choices. Be as specific as possible.
* Sickle Cell Anemia- I carry the trait. Also, Cancer, Epilepsy, and genetics...
I would say how your personal connection--sickle cell anemia-- peaked your interest in being able to affect a possible research direction or even cure for the condition; describe how even though you're not expecting a nobel prize, your deeper experience when it comes to pain and disorders is part of what fuels your desire to be able to have a small impact on the progress being made. Afterall, if no one ever had any problems, then there would be no drive to try and fix them. then elaborate with any traits that conspire to research and a desire to help people. (like if you volunteered at to pick up trash to make a difference in the environment, that shows that you have initiative yet selfless qualities/traits, and appreciate being able to make a difference for yourself instead of waiting and complaining.)

3. What are your plans for future professional/grad. education and eventual plans for a career. How does research fit into these plans?
* I want to go to medical school but also still conduct research. I want to be able to experience what it feels like to be the one saving lives, but also to be the one finding a cure. I don't want to sound cliche...

I don't think it sounds cliche, its honest. Just Highlight your initiative traits in this part as well, and this can be pulled of to show how your initative is dynamic in all the choices you make. Tell them this research is an important step you want to make in not only your experience as a doctor, but underlying passion to have an effect on your environment

Websites about cliche avoidance

freewritinghelp.com
fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/edit2.html

btw, can you pls help me with mine?

Roluwa

Jan 3, 2012

Undergraduate / 'natural flair and love for art and fashion design' - GeorgetownU essay [3]

Hello, I'm applying to Georgetown U. Undergraduate McDonough School of Business, and I want to submit the essay below. I'm concerned about whether or not this gets enough of a view of my personal interests, while simultaneously expressing my seriousness about business, and having a proper essay flow. I'm also worried that the flow of the essay isn't very consistant, but i was hoping to make a connection between something I'm naturally talented at, and how that influenced my descisions on a career path and highlight how my seriousness is being backed by a passion. I felt the essay topic was a good opportunity to express a dynamic side about myself and catching the reader's interest, so that's why I included parts about my love for art and fashion. Does it work or is it random? how can I improve on it? Also, does my vocabulary seem pretentious? Should i get rid of the alliteration?

Here's the question:

APPLICANTS TO THE MCDONOUGH SCHOOL OF BUSINESS: Briefly describe the factors that have influenced your interest in studying business. Essays are to be approximately 1 page each. (No particular prompt, since I'm applying onlline.)

My Essay:

I've had a natural flair and love for art and fashion design since the sprouting year of 5th grade, when it became my dream to be a, "famous fashion designer". As I matured, I sought for a more attainable and professional career that I could integrate with this interest. Art is all about being free and dropping limitations from oneself, which I believe is the underpinning of creativity. In this decade, the world is growing more and more intertwined economically; innovation is a valuable skill to have when you want to beat the closing in global competition. I'm very open-minded when it comes to learning, and I believe I can apply the creative, innovative mindset that I have towards art and designing, to the basic traits a growing business person needs. I want to eventually open my own firm that represents fashion corporations, after which I can gain access to the type of the connections and funds needed to have my own line of designs out there one day.

I trust that Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business is ideal for me, in the sense that they prime students rigorously from the beginning; giving a school experience that demonstrates the global business world. Upon graduating from college, I want to become familiar with a wider business perspective, and have experienced real challenges that can equip me with the necessary tools needed in the growing, more interconnected, and relationship-based economy. I feel the school's way of getting its students prepared is very effective, because it's not limited to the abstract understanding you receive from a textbook. I'm very serious about my plans to major in business (Operations and Information Management) during undergraduate school and to obtain a law major in graduate school, since I'm pursuing the career of a corporate lawyer. In the same way I'm choosing not to take a pre-law major in undergraduate to acquire a more in-depth view of the business/economical aspect of corporate law, I want to attend college, not to get a theoretical view of the business world, but to see for myself and work as though I am really in the field, be challenged, and gain a more 3 dimensional perspective when learning. I believe this school matches my view point, and needs. The productive nature and more tangible experience Georgetown provides its students when it comes to learning global perspectives in business, would be very constructive towards my career.

Despite only being an undergraduate, I want to gain a high-quality experience in undergraduate school that would continue to be beneficial to me as I further my career paths in law. Unlike most schools, I feel I would graduate from Georgetown with a wider range of knowledge, and connections that would be favorable in getting internships and jobs with corporate practice groups that have networks abroad.

To me, this school behaves like a demo of the actual business world, down to the basics of the way they improve on the quality of their education. A college that thinks about the collective consciousness and novel nature of the career world, and then amends and appends to their curriculum to suffice, practically has the mindset of a business in marketing. The only difference is what Georgetown serves is an education that is geared upon marinating students with actual skills, bigger perspectives, and the familiarity I'd need once I enter into the real career world.

What I believe I can add to Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business, is an innovative, over-achieving mindset, a love for problem solving, and a persistence and focus that has made me successful in many of the goals that I have reached for.

Roluwa

Jan 3, 2012

Undergraduate / Story competition - (significant event in their eraly childhood) [3]

fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/edit2.html
c4vct.com/kym/humor/collessy.htm
collegeapps.about.com/od/essays/a/college-personal-essay-goth.htm

The introduction was a bit cliche... startiing off with the old, "When I was a girl..." Will send the judger's eye glazing over. I think you could add humor by giving it an overdramatic appearance about how that changed you life forever.

Example, instead of saying, "one time i did this", just jump into it like, "It was searing pain, and an unwanted curse of forbidden love; a tramatic day I won't ever forget."

and then..
"I was 10 years old when my mom arranged a visit to my uncle's house who used to live near the mountains which are called here in Brazil, Meruoca..." and go on from there. Make sure to keep the feeling consistent until the end when the reader finds out its actually a silly situation with dramatic hyperbole. Hope I help spur any ideas!

Roluwa

Jan 3, 2012

Undergraduate / My Struggle with Autism -- Common App [8]

You have a strong voice in the essay, and I can really visualize short clips of what u told, very good progression in the essay, especially the big paragraph. I agree you should section up the paragraphs smaller so it doesnt look like one big mass for the admissions staff to read. It felt like an autobiography, the good kind. the only thing i would ammend is the, "Indeed a meaningful one" Just write it straightforwardly ("..a meaningful opportunity for change , as my life's story will demonstrate...") b/c admittors dont like that kind of, ''beat around the bush'' type of writing. Other than that, brilliant!