Undergraduate / 'this nauseating stench of fetid urine' - Transfer Essay [2]

Background Information: Hey there! I'm a currently a freshman at a university working on a transfer application to Binghamton University and New York University (Both CAS) for Fall 2012 entry. The essay I have below is really rough, and I just wrote it in one take. I'd like some input or feedback on improved flow, grammar mistakes, or any insight you may have. I'd just like to know if I'm on the right track. I'd appreciate anything and everything. I did edit out some location-specific stuff, just my preference. Thanks again, and I'll be sure to rate your essay as well.

Prompt: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Essay:

[Write on Track]

Urine. There was this nauseating stench of fetid urine around me in the Christopher Street subway station. I was sitting on a deteriorating wooden bench in this station back in January of 2011, doing a project for the High School Photography Group. A few minutes passed by, and I heard a deafening rumble which only meant that a train was incoming. I had one hand ready on my focus ring and the other grabbing my camera's body, finger on the shutter release; the conductor poked his head out of his window when the train came to a stop at the platform. I approached him, casually talked to him, and asked for a 'candid photo'. Much to my surprise, he actually posed for me and let me take a photo of him. I took the photograph, and the train and I had left the station.

The project that I was working on was entitled 'The Working Man', where I photographed and interviewed random people in the streets of New York City about their jobs and lives. This took me all around Manhattan, from a cab driver in the Financial District to street vendors in Chinatown. One of the street vendors I encountered actually spoke my native tongue of Bengali, and when we spoke, he had me absolutely enthralled with his story of how he immigrated to America.

The goal of the project, which was to shed light to others of the richness in many of these seemingly ordinary people's lives that we take for granted, really appealed to me. This was done through the photographs, and more importantly, pieces I had written based on our conversations that explained the subject's story. Based upon my classmates' reactions, I had grown a greater appreciation for writing and came to understand that writing is a rich tool and art, which can be used to convey emotions in people not brought by other ordinary means.

Upon my enrollment a few months later at University, I was very interested in Pre-Professional Medicine, and subsequently selected to study Biochemistry, believing that was solely where my interests had lied. However, after the completion of one semester, and choosing to explore other subjects that interested me such as writing and philosophy on top of the Pre-Medical prerequisites, I came to realize that I had a greater interest in creative writing rather than biochemistry. The freedom to explore, express, and share my ideas through words, in addition to learning ways to better my ability to do so really captivated me.

Unfortunately, University does not have a focused writing program with curriculum that specializes in creative writing. Your school that I am applying to really impressed me with the well-established and specialized programs in creative writing, and I'd love to work to be a part of it. The abundance of outside resources, such as writing organizations, which existed alongside with the program, along with esteemed faculty that taught the curriculum is something your school offers that really appeals to me. If accepted into your school, I am hoping to enrich my knowledge of writing, fine tune my craft, participate with other university writers in workshops, and hopefully write something one day that can be published.

Despite making some great friends, and meeting amazing professors, I am still choosing to transfer to follow my academic goals. However, I am also transferring because of University's reputation as a 'suitcase school', where a majority of students choose to commute home every weekend despite dorming on campus. This sudden absence of students every weekend makes me feel alienated and disjointed from the student body, and I feel is unhealthy for the ideal college experience. By transferring, I hope to be a part of a more established student body, and as such, be able to contribute more to fellow students and the school at large.

My college transcript will show that I have challenged myself at University by selecting a wide variety of classes; and I am certain that I can meet the academic challenges that await at your school. I am sure that I can enrich your school as much as it will enrich me in the coming years. Your creative writing program is a great fit for my current academic goals, and I hope to attend your school and pursue it this upcoming Fall 2012, thank you for reviewing my essay and application.

Undergraduate / (Global university / Designed to inspire / Wonder) - NYU [3]

Hey there, just wanted some input on these NYU Supplement responses. I really appreciate any and all input any of you have to say on my responses. Just to add, I will review back if you review me. Thanks a bunch.

The limit for each is 1500 characters.

PROMPT 1: Why NYU?
Much like how New York City's magnificence is composed of the many different cultures that inhabit it, NYU - a global network university - is defined by the contributions made by its internationally diverse student body. I want to be one of NYU's students since it's the ideas shared and created between such different kinds of people from so many different places which are usually the ideas that can change and help the world, a world growing smaller each and every day. NYU is an institution that offers a wealth of academic opportunity with a plethora of programs in many different fields of study, all taught by highly esteemed and very unique educators. To say that NYU had a 'high standard' of education would be a great understatement. Finally, NYU is located in New York City, something I find appropriate not just because of the name, but the fact that New York City is the 'capital of the world'. It's only right that NYU be located in such a lively city that promotes diversity, culture, and intelligence and a city that literally changes the world every single day. A rich and varied student body, extremely revered education, and location in the greatest city in the world makes NYU an absolutely amazing and unique place to study, and I hope to attend this fall. NYU is actually also the only campus I know of that sells dollar pizza and Japanese ramen on the same block, and that's just something great and magical beyond simple words.

PROMPT 2: Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Although I do wish to study Pre-Professional Medicine, I also wish to have a focus on creative writing, and NYU's minor in creative writing along with the program associated with it greatly appeals to me. My interest in writing was always with me, as I had indicated in my essay about my project 'The Working Man', but it was to an extent. It wasn't until I enrolled in a writing class in college where I fully discovered the point as to which writing would benefit my life and captivate me. The class asked to write an essay about a personal prompt - something that limited you. I chose to write about my personal . The writing was cathartic, where each personal pain and emotional scar healed as I wrote word after word, and the final essay may have been rather depressing, but it painted a vivid picture of a person silenced by his own mouth and its tone reflected the writer: optimistic. The positive reactions of my instructor to my work really motivated me to embrace writing as an academic goal and as an instrument for expression. I came to realize that Stony Brook University had no creative writing program, and then I researched NYU's program and how it's 'designed to inspire', which is what I truly wanted. If accepted to NYU, I would love to follow my goals of creative writing by immersing myself in the life of a writer, take advantage of writing events in and around Greenwich Village, and most of all, write things that could enrich at least one other person.

PROMPT 3: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

The Wonder Wheel ferris wheel will always intrigue me and inspire me. When my parents first immigrated to this country, they lived with a family in Coney Island; the Wonder Wheel served as a kind of Statue of Liberty to them. Shortly after I was born, my parents saved enough to move out to Queens to start pursuing the American Dream. Much later, around 2007, my family came to visit Coney Island Boardwalk for the first time and finally take a ride on the Wonder Wheel. My little brother seemed rather unimpressed as he was expecting something on the scale of Six Flags, but I liked the place; there was some sort of comfort being in the neighborhood of your birth. I remember the Wonder Wheel being rather unimpressive, but I looked up with actual wonder at the word 'Wonder'. The view from the top took my breath away. I could see almost all of Coney Island, all of the dilapidated low-income housing my parents used to live in, juxtaposed with new apartment complexes built because of gentrification. It's as though the old was being consumed by the new - the new was trying to make the neighborhood better, and that sight gave me a kind of better understanding for my life. To this day, the Wonder Wheel will always intrigue me as being a reminder of my parent's humble roots. However, the view of the ghetto disappearing from the top inspires me to appreciate where my parent's came from, and to work hard in life to make sure my family will never have to face those hurdles again.