Background Information: Hey there! I'm a currently a freshman at a university working on a transfer application to Binghamton University and New York University (Both CAS) for Fall 2012 entry. The essay I have below is really rough, and I just wrote it in one take. I'd like some input or feedback on improved flow, grammar mistakes, or any insight you may have. I'd just like to know if I'm on the right track. I'd appreciate anything and everything. I did edit out some location-specific stuff, just my preference. Thanks again, and I'll be sure to rate your essay as well.
Prompt: Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Essay:
[Write on Track]
Urine. There was this nauseating stench of fetid urine around me in the Christopher Street subway station. I was sitting on a deteriorating wooden bench in this station back in January of 2011, doing a project for the High School Photography Group. A few minutes passed by, and I heard a deafening rumble which only meant that a train was incoming. I had one hand ready on my focus ring and the other grabbing my camera's body, finger on the shutter release; the conductor poked his head out of his window when the train came to a stop at the platform. I approached him, casually talked to him, and asked for a 'candid photo'. Much to my surprise, he actually posed for me and let me take a photo of him. I took the photograph, and the train and I had left the station.
The project that I was working on was entitled 'The Working Man', where I photographed and interviewed random people in the streets of New York City about their jobs and lives. This took me all around Manhattan, from a cab driver in the Financial District to street vendors in Chinatown. One of the street vendors I encountered actually spoke my native tongue of Bengali, and when we spoke, he had me absolutely enthralled with his story of how he immigrated to America.
The goal of the project, which was to shed light to others of the richness in many of these seemingly ordinary people's lives that we take for granted, really appealed to me. This was done through the photographs, and more importantly, pieces I had written based on our conversations that explained the subject's story. Based upon my classmates' reactions, I had grown a greater appreciation for writing and came to understand that writing is a rich tool and art, which can be used to convey emotions in people not brought by other ordinary means.
Upon my enrollment a few months later at University, I was very interested in Pre-Professional Medicine, and subsequently selected to study Biochemistry, believing that was solely where my interests had lied. However, after the completion of one semester, and choosing to explore other subjects that interested me such as writing and philosophy on top of the Pre-Medical prerequisites, I came to realize that I had a greater interest in creative writing rather than biochemistry. The freedom to explore, express, and share my ideas through words, in addition to learning ways to better my ability to do so really captivated me.
Unfortunately, University does not have a focused writing program with curriculum that specializes in creative writing. Your school that I am applying to really impressed me with the well-established and specialized programs in creative writing, and I'd love to work to be a part of it. The abundance of outside resources, such as writing organizations, which existed alongside with the program, along with esteemed faculty that taught the curriculum is something your school offers that really appeals to me. If accepted into your school, I am hoping to enrich my knowledge of writing, fine tune my craft, participate with other university writers in workshops, and hopefully write something one day that can be published.
Despite making some great friends, and meeting amazing professors, I am still choosing to transfer to follow my academic goals. However, I am also transferring because of University's reputation as a 'suitcase school', where a majority of students choose to commute home every weekend despite dorming on campus. This sudden absence of students every weekend makes me feel alienated and disjointed from the student body, and I feel is unhealthy for the ideal college experience. By transferring, I hope to be a part of a more established student body, and as such, be able to contribute more to fellow students and the school at large.
My college transcript will show that I have challenged myself at University by selecting a wide variety of classes; and I am certain that I can meet the academic challenges that await at your school. I am sure that I can enrich your school as much as it will enrich me in the coming years. Your creative writing program is a great fit for my current academic goals, and I hope to attend your school and pursue it this upcoming Fall 2012, thank you for reviewing my essay and application.
