Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by shereen85
Joined: Jan 8, 2012
Last Post: Jan 8, 2012
Threads: -
Posts: 3  
From: new york

Displayed posts: 3
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shereen85   
Jan 8, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a bridal shop' - Most Significant Experience -LIM College [4]

I feel as if this part is a bit redundant:

On my first day of work Mrs. Ramirez told me I would be working as her personal assistant. The job proved to be harder than I thought it would . Keeping up with Mrs. Ramirez was a challenge. She had so many different jobs and tasks for me to do, and I always seemed to be a step behind. At the end of the day I was exhausted and dispirited. Working at a bridal shop would be harder than I thought .

right dont you think?
and this part too!
Working in the stockroom turned out to be a dream come true. I was also in charge of bringing gowns from the stockroom and putting them on display in the showroom. My responsibilities included opening clothing shipments and organizing them in the stockroom. Working in the stockroom also gave me the opportunity to work closely with wedding dresses. I learned so much about the construction of wedding gowns and learned about new designers that I never heard of. Working in the stockroom really sparked my interest in wedding gowns.

Working at a bridal shop proved to be a great experience for me. I learned how hard is can to not only run a bridal shop, but to work at one. It also taught me about responsibility and sparked my interest in bridal wear.

perhaps you should rephrase it or omit it completely?
shereen85   
Jan 8, 2012
Undergraduate / Gay Brother - COMMON APP/ Significant Experience [12]

I really like your essay!
it shows how you are open minded and shows the readers who you are and how you think!
you have definitely come a long way from your first draft!!

Grammar check mine?
plz ^_^
shereen85   
Jan 8, 2012
Undergraduate / 'a law to The Ministry of Magic' - Tufts Supplement [4]

As a fellow Harry Potter fan, I LOVE your essay!
its extremely unique would definitely stand out but i agree with the guys up there ^
you should put something about how you feel or how this impacted you?!
something like that.
but seriously give yourself a pat on the back i adore this essay!
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