Writing Feedback / 'smoking makes people addict to it' - Toefl integrated task in Kaplan [3]

this is the integrated task in kaplan, practice test 2, Please grade me and have some feedback. Thanks in advance

In this set of materials, the reading passage (RP) and the listening passage (LP) are about smoking band. While the author points out many disadvantages of smoking band, the speaker states that smoking is harmful and should be diminished.

First, according to the RP, it takes at least 20 years for direct smoker and more than life time for inhaling second smoke to develop lung cancer. Therefore, the number of victims who died for cancer is not so large. However, the speaker refutes by saying that smoking not also trigger lung cancer but also create many other fatal sickness such as heart disease.

Second, the author states that smoking band influences the freedom and economic position of business owners and their employees. In contrast to the author, according to the LP, despite the fact that a lot of bars, restaurants have to close because of smoking band, there will be many others open and thrive. Furthermore, the number of nonsmokers outweighs the number of smokers; therefore, those service places should apply smoking band for more profits.

Finally, the RP posits that smoking band triggers the erosion of personal freedoms, which may also affect the taxes of the governments. The speaker opposes this by saying that smoking ban actually gives the smokers freedoms to protect the environment, chances to give up smoking. Moreover, the LP also states that smoking makes people addict to it, which is not a freedom at all.

Writing Feedback / Toefl: concentrate on the objectives - people attend schools for various reasons [4]

Topic: people attend college and university for many reasons. Why do you think people attend college and university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

From many centuries ago, universities have been playing an important role in ones' life. Different people attend university for different point of views. In my perspective, the three most reasons are increased knowledge, career preparation and new experiences.

First of all, for most people, university is an ideal place for them to develop their understanding. Truthfully, in this wonderful academic environment, everyone is provided with varieties and gigantic number of information by a lot of professors and well-trained teachers. Thus, people are able to strengthen their knowledge. Moreover, through the instructions of teachers, the sufficient infrastructure such as laboratory, library, students is capable of doing research on every academic aspect. Therefore, they can gain a deep sight into what are they studying.

Secondly, studying in university means that you have totally turned into a different page of your life, which included many new experiences. The number of individual who enroll in university are enormous, more than any school one person have studied. Thus, students are given such fantastic chance to create new and wide relationships with a lot of people from any corner of one nation, even from the whole world. For instance, my brother are studying in an international university with a mixed community include Vietnam, Brazil, Argentina, etc. And he told me that he is very excited for experiencing such new environment, which is one of his main purposes when attending university.

Last but not least, preparing for career is an essential function of university. Students not only do homework, assignment and attend class but also need to participate in volunteer work, internship and part time job. Thus, they can have some experiences in the outside world and discover what their life goals are. After all, they know where and what to put high emphasis on in order to achieve their objectives.

In summation, people may attend university for various reasons. Some want to enjoy new experiences, some are going to prepare for their future career, while others are eager to develop their understanding. Even though the purposes could be various, everybody who is studying in university should concentrate on the objectives and try their best.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: parents have brought to our lives [3]

Sorry for posting twice a day but i'm really in urgent. Please have some feedback. Thanks in advance.

Parents are the best teachers. Agree or disagree?

Since the first time we burst into tears, for most people, parents have played an essential role in our life. They touch us how to walk, they touch us how to talk, and they are also the first one to establish our foremost knowledge about the world. However, because of the time we stay with our parents, the infinity of knowledge all over the world, parents are not always the best teachers.

On the first hand, one person cannot live with his or her parents for the entire life. Commonly, people tend to leave their mom and dad after graduating from high school or university. For example, US teenagers, as soon as 18 years old, mostly want to learn how to live on their own and prefer not to stay with their family. Moreover, every individual have their own life. They strive to make a living, confront many challenges, form relationships with other people and have their own family with children, wives, husbands. Thus, it is obvious that we are unable to spend all our lifetime with parents. Meanwhile, everybody always have to keep their experiences and knowledge up-to-date day by day. In general, parents cannot be considered the best teachers.

On the other hand, knowledge is something cannot be measured by any number, which is endless. In addition, our parents understanding are also limited, as same as other people. Therefore, the eagerness, the need of discovering the world cannot be fulfilled only by our mother and father. Moreover, in the process of studying, working, playing, we can create many social relationships. Through friends, teachers, partners, clients and so on, the opportunities to learn new things are increased. As a result, our knowledge is also developed. Thus, we can figure out that most of our understanding comes from school, acquaintances, society and even from ourselves. Overall, parents are not the main sources of information

In conclusion, we cannot deny the importance, the early understanding that parents have brought to our lives. However, due to the short period spending with parents and the vast of knowledge, I think that parents may be not the best teachers.