iliketofu
Jan 30, 2012
Undergraduate / "too compassionate" - McMaster Health Science: What defines you as you? [3]
Hi, I am bad in English and I would really appreciate any help, editing, and suggestions.
The topic is "What in your opinion defines you as you?" (1500 characters maximum including space and punctuations)
Also, it does not have to be in an essay structure/format
Here is what I wrote:
In 1998, at the age of four, a girl woke up to the sounds of a construction site. Excited, she ran down the flights of stairs to observe the hardworking construction workers. The girl noticed the worker's weariness. So alone, she climbed up ten flights of stairs, back and forth, to bring down as many stools from home as possible for the workers to rest on. Of course, when the girl brought back all the muddy chairs to home, she was scolded harshly by her grandmother for her stupidity.
On a summer day of 2008, the thirteen-year-old girl was walking elegantly in her pearl white chiffon. She was excited since it was her first time attending a wedding. While making every effort to maintain a clean dress since the wedding was about to begin, she saw a limping pigeon. Its right wing and foot were so tightly coiled with string that it caused deformation and wounds. Without hesitation, she kneeled on the grass and began her procedure in treating the bird. Having been lectured countless of times in the past, she was scolded once again by her grandmother.
Today, the girl knows she is scolded not because she is stupid, but "too compassionate", as that is what her grandmother told her. Although outcomes are unfavourable at times, the girl is happy and believes that compassion is a quality one sufficiently need in order to be a successful learner. Knowledge would be useless unless it is learned and used to help others. That compassionate girl is me, and my compassion brings me the passion to contribute to the world through helping others with the knowledge I gain.
Please help! Thanks so much.
Hi, I am bad in English and I would really appreciate any help, editing, and suggestions.
The topic is "What in your opinion defines you as you?" (1500 characters maximum including space and punctuations)
Also, it does not have to be in an essay structure/format
Here is what I wrote:
In 1998, at the age of four, a girl woke up to the sounds of a construction site. Excited, she ran down the flights of stairs to observe the hardworking construction workers. The girl noticed the worker's weariness. So alone, she climbed up ten flights of stairs, back and forth, to bring down as many stools from home as possible for the workers to rest on. Of course, when the girl brought back all the muddy chairs to home, she was scolded harshly by her grandmother for her stupidity.
On a summer day of 2008, the thirteen-year-old girl was walking elegantly in her pearl white chiffon. She was excited since it was her first time attending a wedding. While making every effort to maintain a clean dress since the wedding was about to begin, she saw a limping pigeon. Its right wing and foot were so tightly coiled with string that it caused deformation and wounds. Without hesitation, she kneeled on the grass and began her procedure in treating the bird. Having been lectured countless of times in the past, she was scolded once again by her grandmother.
Today, the girl knows she is scolded not because she is stupid, but "too compassionate", as that is what her grandmother told her. Although outcomes are unfavourable at times, the girl is happy and believes that compassion is a quality one sufficiently need in order to be a successful learner. Knowledge would be useless unless it is learned and used to help others. That compassionate girl is me, and my compassion brings me the passion to contribute to the world through helping others with the knowledge I gain.
Please help! Thanks so much.