Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by anstjswls
Joined: Mar 7, 2012
Last Post: Mar 7, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: Korea, Republic of

Displayed posts: 4
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anstjswls   
Mar 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I pay close attention to the nature' - Transfer- introduce yourself to Penn [6]

short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.

It is 2:00 AM. I stand in the sentinel's outpost looking out for any suspicious movements beneath the dim light of stars. The bleak winter of Korea makes me shiver even though I am wearing layers of clothing under my uniform. In this solemn mountain, all I can hear is the sound of leaves fluttering through the wind and the sporadic cries of wild animals deep in the forest. In this moment, quiet, still, soft, I reflect on my life, and let the untamed spirits of the wild speak to me in the silence. They refresh my exhausted mind and fill me up with new energy.

I am a person who pays close attention to the nature and know how to listen to my inner voice. As I move forward while overcoming difficulties with self-reflection, I am confident and ready to meet challenges because I know how to stay alive throughout my adventure.

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My friend looked at the first paragraph... but I need someone to check the second paragraph...
Please, help me out

Thanks
anstjswls   
Mar 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL--- 'learning facts were more important than the ideas' [3]

Regarding TOEFL, you must sound more professional rather than colloquial.
So, get ride of "we", "know". but try use other words that sound more sophisticated.
You need to work on with some grammars as well. "To sum up with, however unde----- , however, " -> the grammar is wrong.

Other than that,
I like the way you used the examples and try to make it organize. well done
anstjswls   
Mar 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'we need sometimes to compromise' - TOEFL preparation [3]

Sometimes people should do things that they do not enjoy doing. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Doing thingFulfilling daily assignment is the main activity of our live. This is how we liveThis is the life . Always doing things we like or dislike.

Sometimes we have to do things we do not like, but they are essential and important to us. So we must complete themhave them done . It is important to us to do it no matter do we like it or not, in case we are supposed do to . Otherwise we risk to disappoint people we love or to fail in job or competition for example . There is always opportunity to loose something or somebody just because we don't like doing something. That is why we need to push ourselves somehow and execute those that bring boredomdo all that bored us . But there is always award back to us. All we do is reward.

For example there is so many people who do not like their jobs. It is matter of surviving and they keep going. Just because what could they do if they are jobless. They could not have any level of living as other do. What about family ship. There is always some mother in lawlow that do not like her daughter's husband. The poor man has to stand this all his lifelive . But is there any opportunity for him?,The answer is no. He has to find thea way to coop with.

On the other hand we have so many people that do things do not enjoy. It is kind of person that believe they do right things just to achieve their gools.

They never complain themselves. That kind of people are strict and self confident, do things right and get to the point. The most important is they end up happy in most cases. I will tell you why, just because they do not care about enjoying of doing things, but care about what get in the end.

As conclusion I would say we need sometimes to compromise. Than we are supposed to do things right and be happier with what we have done no matter we like or dislike. The outcome is the essential of doing thins.

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Not bad... but try to use some different vocabs, and you will have greater score!
anstjswls   
Mar 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Keep moving forward' - Transfer: Introduce your self to Penn [3]

short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.

Keep moving forward - this motto has shaped my identity. When my peers settled at one place, I moved with my family to the unpopulated Korean mountains and learned the survival skills in the wild. I gained the adventurer's spirits during my childhood. When I turned 15, I went to the United States purely motivated by curiosity. And I enjoyed the challenges, thrills, and excitement that I would get while living with the daily farmers in northern Michigan and another year with a middle-class American family in Vermont.

After my freshman year in college, I chose to fulfill the military service. Throughout the dynamic, rollercoaster-like experiences in the military society, I matured. I learned how to control myself. Now is the time to return to the school, and I greatly desire to immerge myself into the academics and prepare for the more challenging adventure: the real world. My new journey will continue.

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I would greatly appreciate if you can make some corrections and give me some ideas regarding the flow and contents.
Thanks everyone
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