Writing Feedback / Equality in workplace for women [3]

This is an IELTS essay. Please suggest some corrections and alternative sentence structure which can help me to score Band 7 or higher. Thank you.
Now more and more workplaces are hiring an equal number of women and men.
Do you think it is a positive and negative development?
It appears nowadays that women are recruited as many as men for job. Many people, especially the feminists, totally support this phenomenon and illustrate plenty of benefit for our society brought by it. Meanwhile others firmly insist that women are making troubles for men in workplaces. However, I find myself in complete agreement with the former one.

It's certainly true that there are some obvious bad results triggered by employing more women than past. It's a case in point that children from nuclear families are raised up by grandparents, for their parents are busy working. Being spoiled, the kids have no idea about caring for others, which is worse for them to get along with each other. Besides, taking care of baby and doing housework is easier than some physical work, which is beyond women's capability.

On the contrary, another point to be considered is that as many women are admitted to job, the job will be accomplished efficiently. Politicians regard it as a way to show the equality women own as their counterparts. Career women are more confident and ambitious than housewives. There are some chairwomen attracting public attention, and these independent women for the new Era are examples to women, even some men in society today. Furthermore working dads and moms provide their families with better finance in terms of increasing pressure from our society. In addition, as a consequence of men and women working together, their characteristics (men's persistence and women's patience) constitute strong workforce.

To sum up, even though recruiting more women means losing housewives and it has some drawbacks, from my own perspective, it's a rational trend in regard to satisfying the economy development.

Writing Feedback / Reasons for the increasing anti-social behavior and the lack of respect to others [2]

i'm preparing for IELTS exam. please!!! help me check it..

There are an increasing number of anti-social behaviors in recent years; People generally believe that the society is to blame. What do you think the causes are and who is responsible for this?

The increasing anti-social behavior and the lack of respect to others have triggered a serious impact on our society in recent years. The following content represents my view on why the case is and how to tackle it.

There are many reasons which are correlated with this problem. Chief among the causes is that people nowadays are vulnerable and can be easily influenced by negative effects, such as suffering from career frustration, encountering injustice. When facing challenges, they do not know how to cope with them. Another contributing factor is that media are exaggerating personal achievement rather than good individual qualities. So people are eager to succeed and be rich and they classify people according to their wealth. It is horrible to see that they show no respect to the old but treat the rich in the way servants treat their owner. However, unfortunately, it is almost impossible for young generation to succeed instantly they set a foot in the society. It is frustrated for them to see that gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly wide due to some poor policies. Then the enormous domestic financial burden makes them desperate and motivates them to perpetrate some anti-social behavior.

It is significant for us to stop the anti-social behavior and find the respect to others. Some feasible solutions can be outlined as follows. One to be taken is that we should teach them how to be a qualified person, instead of a wealthy one. Another one could be adopted is that the government should take some measures to improve citizen's life level and decrease the gap. In addition, as an individual, we must have a big heart and respect to everyone, regardless of his class.