Writing Feedback / 'Exercising indoors or outdoors?' -TOEFL essay review [2]

Good day sir,

I made an essay for the TOEFL practice on internet and I am interested to review it, and give me a feedback of what should I improve to my grammar and my future essays

Essay topic:
When exercising, some people prefer to exercise indoors at a gym or sports center, and others prefer to exercise outdoors. Compare these two choices. Which do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

My essay

In the world there exists millions of people who are practicing to increase their muscles. Because the population is so big, there are a lot of persons who prefer to practice indoor or outdoor. The choose is given by their mentalities. I think the people who prefer in indoor is because they want to see their self in a mirror when they are practicing. Also I think they prefer to be in a gym to see the other persons who practiced for a long period of time, and you can see them building their muscles. So they can know their performance and what they can really do if you will go to a gym. They can see others as a model and maybe they will be motivated more to do sports and to go with a frequency to a gym center.

To do outdoor for me means to make practice at your home, or in a yard. If you will not go to a gym center then you must not pay hundreds of dollars per month only to go and to make some muscles, because you can do at your home. I think the most important is the motivation to create a perfect body not where and with who you make muscles. I think a person who will try to do gym annually they spend about one or two thousands of dollars. For example I prefer to stay at home and to make gym by my self without any couch or trainer(because you must pay him) and I can train how much I can do in that day. I payed for a halter about 30 bucks, and I bought two of them, and I can practice in each day using it, trying to build a perfect body.

In conclusion the advantages if you will make an outdoor practice is that you will not pay o a lot of money for a couch and tools to make body building, because usually it is very expensive. You can do at any time you want, so you will not to be scheduled to a specific time, because maybe you are bussy in that time. A dissavantage is that you will not have a couch but this is not a problem because you can download and view different movies of well known trainers of body building on your computer. They explain exactly what you will need to do, and it is free. Using money saved in one year then you can buy a sophisticated tool to increase your body's muscles faster.

Writing Feedback / 'the factory will develop city' -essay about building a new factory in the community. [2]

Good day,

Essay topic: A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

My essay

A factory can influence an entire city not only economically, also architecturally and healthy. There are many kind of factories, and my ideology is that if the factory will not destroy natural habitats for animals, or for us is a good deal for the citizen from a city. Also they must calculate what is the pollution generated by that factory, because maybe it will be dangerous for citizen from that city also the neighbors cities in the next few decades.

A factory usually is a very big business. It can have many advantages for a city also a few important disadvantages. I think the most important advantage in my opinion is that a factory can employ Upton to 2 or 3 thousand people to work in that factory every day. Also another one is it pays the people hired to build the factory's building. So in this way, the factory will improve the economics of that city, because it earn money selling the goods in other cities, or countries and it build new things in my city or it pay huge salaries for the workers. In this way the community receives millions of dollars from the factory and it will develop other kind of business and so on.

Another thing that I consider an important advantage is that the goods create from the factory it will be very cheap in that city. The people can use the goods as a prime material to create other sophisticated items. For example if the factory is a wood factory the wood created it can be processed by the people to create houses, or furniture.

The architecture will have influence in that matter there will be a lot of statues create using that kind of material produced by the factory.

The Commonwealth will have also some disadvantage like pollution. Any kind of massive production has a cost: pollution. They will not breathe the same clear air. There are some kinds of factories like coal, steam, chemical factories which create every year a few tons of pollution and the community will suffer. Maybe there will be some mutations like in the Chernobyl case to the people.

In conclusion the factory will have my support if it will not produce massive pollution that will effect my health and other people's health. I think the most of people are with the same judge. Any kind of business is trying to produce money and involuntary the factory will develop that city.

Thank you and have a nice day