Letters / a reference letter for my staff who is going to apply for MBA [NEW]

Hi! everyone, this is my reference letter for my co-worker who is going to apply for MBA. I need your help to check language and accuracy in terms of academic writing.

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June 18, 2012

To Whom it May Concern:
I highly recommend Hen as a candidate for your program. He has been employed by Banque Pour Le Commerce Exterieur Lao Public (BCEL) since 26 November 2007 to the present. However, I met him in 2010 when BCEL established my office as the Marketing Division. He has worked with me in marketing. Hen has played important roles in my office. For instance, his responsibilities are negotiations, meeting with clients, promoting products, monitoring the performances of advertising contracts, SWOT analysis of competitors and coordinating internal and external organization. All of these roles are very significant for enlarging indirectly and directly raising profits of BCEL.

Hen is a remarkable marketing talent and has particularly excellent communication and leadership skills. He is dependable and cheerful, so he is highly respected by his co-workers for his willingness to assist anyone anytime he can. Furthermore, Hen has always taken his role seriously and is passionate about his results. Beyond his passion on driving performance, he is a natural leader, and fights hard for his beliefs. He is at his best in a group environment, and is conscientiously proactive at getting full involvement of all other team members to derive the excellent results possible. He has a very effective personal style and will be looked to for continued executive leadership with BCEL.

I have the deepest personal and professional respect for him and I sincerely believe he will bring his unique energy, optimism, passion, and tireless creativity to your program. He has my highest endorsement. If you have any questions about this recommendation or my high endorsement of him, please do not hesitate to contact me, and I will gladly try to help.

Sincerely,

Writing Feedback / 'action on environmental conservation' Re-write paragraph in suitably academic style [3]

Hi everyone, I am now practicing to paraphrase a paragraph.
Please help me to check my paraphrase in terms of the academic style.

Original paragraph:
If we do nothing about the problem, we will certainly make our land and water worse. In my opinion, we can do at least three things to solve the problem. Firstly, we should minimize the amount of fuel burnt everyday by stopping using cars when it is not necessary, trying to find more kinds of energy and then we can reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the air. Secondly, we should stop cutting down the trees and grow more trees on the planet. We should save our trees. The reason for doing this is that trees can change carbon dioxide into oxygen so our planet will have more oxygen. The third thing we could do is force people to stop dumping things into the land because that will cause the land and water to be polluted.

My paraphrase:
Without action on environmental conservation, land and water will be degraded. There are three main solutions to deal with the problem. The first solution is reducing petroleum usages everyday in order to decline the amount of carbon dioxide in the air. For example, vehicles should be used when it is necessary only and also petroleum power ought to be attempted to replace with other kinds of energy. The second solution is that deforestation should be banned, and trees should be grown. This is because trees are able to produce clean air by changing carbon dioxide into oxygen. The last solution is that because damaging into the land is a main cause of the land and water pollution, so the policy to preserve the surface of land should be made.

Letters / 'well-organized and reliable officer' - A letter to recommend my friend for study [3]

Hi everyone, this is my letter to recommend my old friend, who used to work with me, for study.
please, help me to check it. THANK YOU for your kindness.
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June 21, 2102

To: Whom it May Concern:
Subject: Recommend Mr. Thongphet Synamvong as a candidate for your program.

Mr. Thongphet used to work for me from 2007 to 2010 when I was head of Research and Strategic Planning Centre at Banque Pour Le Commerce Exterieur Lao Public (BCEL). In the meantime, he was a market researcher with main responsibilities included meeting clients to discuss and survey their needs and requirements; coordinating media firms to develop and launch marketing campaigns in each period; collecting and analyzing quarterly sales statistics; setting up training plans; and review SWOT analysis.

Mr. Thongphet is a well-organized and reliable officer. With his goal-oriented working habit he is quite concentrated on work assignment and consistently follows up the implementation of department's working plans. Moreover, he is flexible and willing to work in team with strong leadership and cooperative skills.

By considering his working experience and his distinguish character, I am personally confident that he has the ability to pursue higher education. He will be one of the key personnel for undertaking BCEL's development in the future. I therefore highly recommend Mr. Thongphet as a candidate for your program.

If you have any question regarding him or this recommendation, please contact me.

Faithfully yours,

My name:
Position:
address: