Writing Feedback / IELTS writing-international organisations should provide poor countries [6]

Topic:International organisations should provide poor countries with technology and practical advice rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely common that international organisations offer more and more aids to poor countries in different forms of technological, educational advice as well as direct financial support. These efforts come up with a question: which types of aids should be provided by the international organizations to help the poor country better? In my opinion, a instant financial support is more immediate and efficient to solve this problem.

Numerous evidents has been proved that those who suffer from the poverty, starvation and illness would definetely need money to improve their poor living conditions. To start with, it is so hard to image those starving children can acquire knowledge in the classroom happily or those living around the horrible sanitation environment can learn new technology willingly. So, the continual direct financial aids are very essential, like the blood of our body, to the poor countries. In addition, besides the direct fortune support, the supplement of food and medicine are also fundamental to those countries in poverty.

Admittedly, it is well known that science and technology are the cornerstones concerning the sustainable development of any countries. Since the knowledge is the power, the introduction of technologies and talents into poor countries is dispensable only if their citizens are able to live on a basic level. In addition, international organizations should help the teachers in poor countries to improve their teaching skills since the education is close related to the future of the country .Probably the most importantly ,the technology of environmental protection should also be taught to the government of the poor countries because the environment condition is of great significant to the ecological soundness of the country.

To sum up, the poor countries need urgently the finical aids of the international organizations. However, once their citizens can remain a basic living, the technology and practical aids should be necessaries.

I try to add some examples or do some sentence transformation, but it seems difficult to me
Also, the use of connective ...Please give me some revising advice,welcome any comments

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Public libraries should not spend their limited resources on computer software [5]

Topic:The main purpose of public libraries should be to provide books. Public libraries should not spend their limited resources on computer software, videos or DVDs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With a expansion of the information technology, there has appeared a widely debate about whether the public libraries should keep its traditional function like providing books or replenish other multimedia resources.In my opinion, the public libraries should give the priority to introducing more computer sofewares,videos,e-books,etc.

It has been widely proved that various types of information have great impact on the individuals.To start with,it is the era of information explosion that ask for us to acquire different skills of learning knowledge.Based on that, public library could provide abundant resources and practical training for us .In addtion,the electronic type of information is a clearly space-saving option for the public library. Specifically, the library spend a great deal of manpower and material resources in terms of maintenance of numerous books.And probably the most importantly, the multimedia resources are filled with animations and sounds,which is more stimulating and inspring than monotonous books especially for children.

Admittedly, books, traditional way of gaining knowledge, has some irreplaceable characters in a sense. Firstly, those who love reading the books regard the smell of the paper and the feeling of holding books in hands as treasures.Also,for those who live in poverty have no applications to play the software or videos, the only way they can learn knowledge is books.So the libraries are an essential part of this process, providing the only access for those who do not have the resources to purchase books on their own.

For my part, after considering the arguments above, i feel that the books and the multiple types of information are not mutually exclusive.Considering the limited resources of the public libraries, they should dedicate more money and energy to the newly variety of information containing computer sofeware,audio-video tapes,as well as e-books.

Please give me some revising advice and maybe an estimation of score band.
I also wonder how many words is appropriate for IELTS Task2?
I got a lot of help here, thanks a lot.

lu