Undergraduate / NJIT essay - evaluate and edit if needed! 'application and integration of technology in most fields' [2]

How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?

I am a very curious individual, always wanting to know the why and how of things. I had varied interests and my curiosity was not limited to just mechanical things.

I have vivid memories of my childhood activities; for e.g. when I was only 12, I brought together my colony friends with the idea of making our own car that would run on Steam. We drafted designs. Then we visited various people who knew about the functioning of cars. AA Book of the Car' proved to be quite helpful. The drafts and drawings are still a constant reminder of my innovative spirit.

In school, I always showed a deeper interest in Science part-1, which covered more of Physics and in the Mathematics section, Geometry is what I always excelled in. School encouraged us to take part in various Olympiads and also organised several workshops.

Besides academics, I captained my school cricket team. Apart from sports I participated in wildlife exploration camps and science festivals.

One of the most defining moments in my life was my participation in the 2008 INTERNATIONAL SPACE SETTLEMENT DESIGN CONTEST sponsored by NASA Ames Research Center. The most unique feature of my project was the creation of an artificial radiation shield for the settlement that works on the principle of earth's magnetosphere by means of a furnace. I just had four days to make the project. It was the most challenging experience ever and I managed to bag an Honourable mention.

I once read the biography of India's ex-President-Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam- 'Wings of Fire'. Although eventually he became a rocket scientist, during his course he had to work on various highly diverse projects ranging from hovercrafts to sounding rockets, ballistic missiles to a PSLV to nuclear tests. I comprehended that engineering was the career course that I wanted to pursue not only because of the wide range of choices it opens up, but also because of the --opportunity it provides to use one's creativity to its fullest.

Space has always mystified me. I wish to work on the development of space exploration technologies like the spacecrafts and rovers and dream of solving the mysteries of space and time and about the existence of extra terrestrial life. I aspire to become an expert in aerospace design.

What attracts me to NJIT is your application and integration of technology in almost all fields suitably to make the work simpler and interesting. The metropolitan setting of the university is best suited for internships. Getting hands-on experience rather than just theoretical knowledge is definitely what I would prefer. Reading prof. Harry Kountaras' interview on NJIT's web site, I was excited to know the various projects that your students work on; thus effectively applying the fundamentals learnt in the class in real world. I am eager to be a part of NJIT's engineering program and contribute to the world of science for a better future of mankind.

Keyur Jain

Undergraduate / 'Optimism and project preparation' - Essay to univ. of illinois- [2]

please help me with grammatical stuff..and some word replacements too

NOTE: i'm mentioning my participation in an annual international contest as an extra curricular Activity!

In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it

One of the most defining and memorable moments in my life was my participation in the 2008 INTERNATIONAL SPACE SETTLEMENT DESIGN CONTEST sponsored by NASA. I had to propose a design for a space settlement by working on various aspects ranging from structure, operation, life support systems, transport and business development of the settlement. At the same time it had to be made accessible to a common man and not just scientists and astronauts.

I do believe that man has the desire to grow and expand; space is definitely what we can view as our next home. Another reason for my participation was, that the idea of a space settlement captivated me and I knew that I could use my creativity abilities along with my skills and passion about space as the fuel to outperform.

Though I came across this competition on the Internet just five days prior to its submission deadline of 31st March 2008, I never thought about it pessimistically and gave in my best for the project.

I worked all day and night not sparing time to do anything else but my project. It was the most challenging experience ever. On the day I posted this project I had a feeling immense satisfaction and fulfilment. I managed to bag an Honourable mention.

I learned a lot during the course of project preparation. Most importantly-the significance of optimism. I had to do a lot of research to prepare the project, during the course of which I learnt about survival in space, space technology and transport. I was amazed by the various ideas suggested for transport-one of them being the 'space elevator'. I comprehended that engineering is a field that enables one to use his creativity to its fullest.

Undergraduate / Florida Institute of technology essay ending paragraph [3]

Kindly Suggest a few sentences to fill into those blanks i have made.
Also suggest any changes to be made.

ESSAY QUESTION:
What led you to apply to FIT?

(NOTE: this is just the end paragraph of my essay)

What attracts me to Florida Institute of Technology is your application and integration of technology in almost all fields suitably to make the work simpler and interesting.

But the main feature of FIT that appeals to me is the importance laid on practical application of theoretical knowledge.
The involvement of your students in a wide range of research activities enables them to understand the fundamentals taught in the class more efficiently and perform more competently in his/her choice of vocation in future.

Getting hands-on experience is definitely what I would prefer;
I was excited to know about the various projects that your students work on, thus effectively applying the theories learnt in the class in real world situations.

At the same time, participation in various competitive engineering designing contests ranging from rockets to land vehicles boosts the learning process.
The location of FIT at the site of NASA's Kennedy Space Center and the engagement of your Department of Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering for various research projects for leading space research agency NASA _________.

The highly appreciated faculty which has a respected reputation for excellence in research___
I am eager to be a part Florida Institute of Technology's of engineering program and contribute to the world of science for a better future of mankind and the universe.

Undergraduate / Talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteering, cultural experiences - Rutgers contribution [NEW]

Rutgers essay

kindly help me edit out a few lines to decrease the length of my essay.

Essay:

I am a very curious individual, always wanting to know the why and how of things. I have varied interests and my curiosity was not limited to just mechanical toys or objects; insects and reptiles also fascinate me.

I have vivid memories of my childhood activities; for example when I was only 12; I brought together my colony friends with the idea of making our own car that would run on Steam. We drafted designs. Then we visited various local car mechanics and questioned them about how a car functions. 'AA Book of the Car' proved to be quite helpful. The drafts and drawings are still a constant reminder of my innovative spirit.

In school, I always showed a deeper interest in Science part-1, which covered more of Physics and some Chemistry. In Math, Geometry is what I always excelled in. Participating in various Olympiads and workshops immensely helped me in developing different skills.

Besides academics, I captained my school cricket team and being a pace bowler I had to have immense focus on the field which manifested positively in my academic activities.

My team won the first prize at Mig-29 aero modelling inter school contest. I have leaded my school team at many other project based inter-school science competitions. I have also participated in various wildlife exploration camps and courses on photography to nurture my passion for it and develop my skills. My membership in the debate club immensely helped me in developing conversational skills.

One of the most defining moments in my life was my participation in the 2008 INTERNATIONAL SPACE SETTLEMENT DESIGN CONTEST sponsored by NASA. The most unique feature of my project was the creation of an artificial radiation shield for the settlement working on the principle of earth's magnetosphere. I came across this competition on the Internet, just five days prior to its submission deadline I never thought about it pessimistically. I worked day and night and managed to bag an Honorable mention. It was a challenging experience.

I once happened to read the biography of India's ex-President-Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam- 'Wings of Fire'. Although He eventually became a rocket scientist, during his course he had to work on various highly diverse projects ranging from hovercrafts to sounding rockets, ballistic missiles to the jet engine of a fighter plane and a PSLV to nuclear tests. I comprehended that engineering was the career course that I wanted to pursue not only because of the wide range of choices it opens up, but also because of the opportunity it provides to use one's creativity to its fullest.

Space has always mystified me, particularly the question of the existence of extraterrestrial life. I wish to work on the development of space exploration technologies like the spacecrafts and rovers and dream of solving the mysteries of space and time and about the existence of extra terrestrial life. I aspire to become an expert in aerospace design.

Rutgers is considered as one of the most diverse National University and the city of New Jersey itself claims to have the widest array of nationalities and socioeconomic backgrounds. Studying in such a diverse environment would help me increase my understanding of other cultures and appreciate their way of life. I myself coming from a very varied communal background like in India will be able to contribute a lot to this already diverse environment.

The metropolitan setting of the university is best suited for internships; Getting hands-on experience rather than just theoretical knowledge is definitely what I would prefer.

I read about the Senior Design Projects at the 2008 - Mechanical and Aerospace Senior Design Project Exhibition at Rutgers and was energized looking at the list of various projects assigned; especially- the space elevator; and I'm eager to be a part of the engineering program and undertake such exciting tasks.