Undergraduate / "Two Busts To My Left" - choice of your own college essay [3]

Basically this is a choice of your own college essay and I wanted to see if it was good or not. I typically have trouble with grammar and punctuation but I try to make up with creativity. So I really want to see my mistakes and your reaction to several parts thanks so much

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The Two Busts to My Left

I lay outstretched on my bed. I am not alone. There are watchful eyes staring at me slipping into sleep. The eyes belong to two busts to my left sitting atop my bookshelf, but these two busts hold more stories than my puny bookcase can hold. They hold their own stories that tell a tale of who I am. They weave a yarn about a boy whose two loves of running and neuroscience are intertwined. This is their story, but also my memoir.

The 100 billion neurons in the brain firing action potentials, traveling through dendrites and axons, and signaling neurotransmitters are some of the actions that contribute to a reaction greater than the sum of its parts: a runner's stride. The first bust is a picture of my sports idol Roger Bannister. Roger Bannister is famous for breaking four minutes in the mile- at the time a biological impossibility. Under his example, my running has transcended a trivial and frivolous game into a science, a philosophy, and a lifestyle. Through my years of running I have traded physical and emotional pain for knowledge of myself. The edifying process of running has helped develop my identity and character. As a perpetual student I have found my identity as an athlete and a scholar. Sir Bannister was able to conquer his feat while rigorously studying Neuroscience at Oxford University. He exemplified that there doesn't have to be a dichotomy separating a student and an athlete- you can excel at both. Yet while I have dedicated my life to my studies and my sport, I have chosen to enrich my character by devoting myself to civil service. I dedicate my life to service to help others, this charge has led me to the rank of Eagle scout and starting two charities. My next service venture will be to dedicate my life to helping those with neurodegenerative disease: an unparalleled passion revealed by my second bust.

William Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, Sherlock Holmes, and I share a grotesque companion: a skull. While theirs were more than likely pulled off of a barely cold cadaver, my plastic Sancho Panza was daringly snatched from a High School Halloween dance. He sits covered by my amateur anatomical dissections dotted along every fissure and lobe. This skull expresses my love for Neuroscience- the study of a three-pound grey mass that uses less energy than a refrigerator light bulb, but can produce symphonies, savants, innovations, and emotions. The beautiful balance between science and intangible expression creates a harmony that allures me. I read everything about neuroscience. I wake to read. I sleep to wake. My curiosity for knowledge is insatiable and neuroscience feeds the addiction better than any subject I have been taught. That is why on the precipice of a new chapter I've chosen to indulge these two busts. The empty skull or Bannister's picture, means more than just a homely decoration. These two busts are a part of me.

Undergraduate / (I write poetry / Planting) - Two Extra-curricular Activities [8]

I can only use one and I want to know which one is the best one. I would appreciate reactions, improvements, grammar, punctuation. I realize they are different lengths but which one has more potential- and what is the appropriate length for this common app question. Thank You!

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Essay 1

POETRY
That's right I write poetry. Say what you will but poetry is manly. People disagree, but I am not embarrassed or ashamed of something that boys my age regard as taboo. I'm not afraid of the challenge, I'm not afraid of my emotions, and I'm not afraid of my creativity. It's natural for me to give into my emotions and effortlessly write- it's like divine inspiration. It's not cerebral or methodical it's instinctual and natural. It like the floodgates have been opened, my hand scribbles incessantly trying to write as fast as my brain interprets what my heart is pumping out of my soul. It has intensity unmatched by a football game, a soccer match or any other sport. I pour everything into my writing. Poetry is every part as interactive as a club or sport; it requires all of my feelings, my dreams, and skills. It requires me to lose myself in the stories and in the words. A poet is absorbed in his art that he loses his identity. He forms a creation story, generating a society upon thought, a genesis that likens him to a God. He is a sailor, weathering the high seas thoroughly explored by others but challenged to write novelly. You are a farmer cultivating reflections and spreading seeds of wit and anticipating the drought of writers block. You are a carpenter, crafting and constructing the abstract beauty into tangible stanzas. I don't know of an activity more manly than poetry.

V.S.
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Essay 2
Planting

When people observe a flower they see a plant, a beautiful plant, but still a plant. Gertrude Stein crudely wrote, "A rose, is a rose, is a rose." To me flowers and plants are not that simple. The people that know me would be surprised to hear about my affinity for such delicate and feminine plants. When I observe a flower I experience the aroma trailblazing and evoking sensations and stories. When I watch my flowers bloom I feel the responsibilities of a parent caring for his child. For many people it is hard to believe that I raise orchids in my basement and have built a green house to grow vegetables for my Church's food pantry. When I am with these plants I connect, I grow, and I feel. The beauty of these plants comes not only from their aesthetics but from the place they hold in my heart.