Hello, Cormac)
Very nice essay) I like it.
Some of my suggestions:
... at me slipping into sleep. The Those eyes belong to two...
butthese two busts hold more stories than my puny bookcase can hold. They hold their own stories that tell a tale of who I am . (combine together)
They weave a yarn about a boy , whose
This is their story, but also my memoir as well as mine.
and axons, and signaling neurotransmitters -- those are some of the actions processes that contribute to a reaction greater than the sum of its parts(what do you mean? runner's stride greater than all those neuro processes? )
my running has transcended atrivial and frivolous game (you mean running is a game? sounds kinda strange )
As a perpetual student , I have found my identity as both an athlete and a scholar
conquer his feat , while rigorously studying Neuroscience
... be a dichotomy , separating a student and an athlete
I dedicate my life to service to of helping others