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(I write poetry / Planting) - Two Extra-curricular Activities


crada 2 / 6  
Aug 8, 2012   #1
I can only use one and I want to know which one is the best one. I would appreciate reactions, improvements, grammar, punctuation. I realize they are different lengths but which one has more potential- and what is the appropriate length for this common app question. Thank You!

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Essay 1

POETRY
That's right I write poetry. Say what you will but poetry is manly. People disagree, but I am not embarrassed or ashamed of something that boys my age regard as taboo. I'm not afraid of the challenge, I'm not afraid of my emotions, and I'm not afraid of my creativity. It's natural for me to give into my emotions and effortlessly write- it's like divine inspiration. It's not cerebral or methodical it's instinctual and natural. It like the floodgates have been opened, my hand scribbles incessantly trying to write as fast as my brain interprets what my heart is pumping out of my soul. It has intensity unmatched by a football game, a soccer match or any other sport. I pour everything into my writing. Poetry is every part as interactive as a club or sport; it requires all of my feelings, my dreams, and skills. It requires me to lose myself in the stories and in the words. A poet is absorbed in his art that he loses his identity. He forms a creation story, generating a society upon thought, a genesis that likens him to a God. He is a sailor, weathering the high seas thoroughly explored by others but challenged to write novelly. You are a farmer cultivating reflections and spreading seeds of wit and anticipating the drought of writers block. You are a carpenter, crafting and constructing the abstract beauty into tangible stanzas. I don't know of an activity more manly than poetry.

V.S.
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Essay 2
Planting

When people observe a flower they see a plant, a beautiful plant, but still a plant. Gertrude Stein crudely wrote, "A rose, is a rose, is a rose." To me flowers and plants are not that simple. The people that know me would be surprised to hear about my affinity for such delicate and feminine plants. When I observe a flower I experience the aroma trailblazing and evoking sensations and stories. When I watch my flowers bloom I feel the responsibilities of a parent caring for his child. For many people it is hard to believe that I raise orchids in my basement and have built a green house to grow vegetables for my Church's food pantry. When I am with these plants I connect, I grow, and I feel. The beauty of these plants comes not only from their aesthetics but from the place they hold in my heart.
tracked89 1 / 11  
Aug 8, 2012   #2
I like the Poetry topic better (both are very good), because you sound strong and passionate. Here are some minor edits:

As for length I think the response has to be below 1000 characters (I'm not sure if spaces count). It's definitely no longer than your poetry response, which is around 1400 characters with spaces. I would try entering it into the common app and seeing if it gets cut off when you preview the entire application.
tracked89 1 / 11  
Aug 8, 2012   #3
Yes, I think it preserves what you had in the original draft.
Rechy 11 / 73  
Aug 8, 2012   #4
It is hard to choose the one that is better between the two essays because they are both passionately written .
Though, I like the second easy better, I would very much like to see one of your poems.
OP crada 2 / 6  
Aug 8, 2012   #5
Why do you think the second one is better?
Rechy 11 / 73  
Aug 8, 2012   #6
I assume caring for flowers is very delicate. So, the second one seems to naturally give me an idea of who you are.
That is just my opinion.
OP crada 2 / 6  
Aug 8, 2012   #7
Thanks Rebecca. It is going to be a difficult decision but you guys have definitely helped
Rechy 11 / 73  
Aug 8, 2012   #8
You are welcome. Could you please take a look at my essays and give me feedbacks on them?


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