Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular Short Answer - Rowing [6]

It took me a while to realize what your first stanza was even about. I thought someone was getting beaten up for a while, especially when you mentioned things like dark winter's night and unfamiliar figure--both things that connotate darkness. You might want to try making it more clear that the prospect was you starting Crew.


its*, but if you're mentioning a particular person of a gender, you should probably use he or she.


eyebrows


The whole sentence feels like a run-on. You might want to say something about how there were grins of contempt on the members' faces as they looked at you or something because it feels awkward.


Take out the period, it's unnecessary. You should refer to what you're starting, specifically. Just because you mention Boat Club once does not mean people will know what "starting" is going to actually take action as.


Punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.

Undergraduate / A Story of Rejection (NYU Supplement - What are your academic interests?) [4]

Cute and different!

But you might want to check on your grammar, especially if you're going to point out your excellence in it. Commas in dialogues go inside quotation marks, for one. You should only be using one tense in paragraphs for another. You tend to switch back and forth from present and past. Up your vocabulary as well--if you're going to comment on your excellence, then display it. It only makes sense to do so.

Also, don't forget that two sentences combined by a compound should have a comma before the compound. For example, this should be:


And you're slightly inconsistent with capitalizing your subjects. You'll capitalize "Geometry" but not "algebra." It's not necessary to capitalize them if they're not counted as "people"--just make sure you do it to all of them.

And my major thing is, if you're aiming for Tisch, and you can't even differentiate between "theatre" and "theater," it might not look too good. Theatre is the art, theater is the place it's performed. Just make sure to get it right.

Undergraduate / Teen Smoking - Extra-Curricular Common App Essay [7]


This is a fragment. If you read it aloud, you might be able to see that more clearly, but "creating" and "entering" are gerunds, which are verbs acting as nouns. You have a subject, but you don't have a predicate to follow it.


A comma would probably be better since a semi-colon usually means a major break in your sentence.


What is putting you into the shoes? Or are you putting yourself into the shoes? If you are, you should make yourself the subject and not the predicate noun that "putting" is affecting.


widespread*


Use a comma, not a semi-colon.


Try reading your essay aloud with small pauses at commas, longer pauses at semi-colons, and huge pauses at your periods. You might notice your error with fragments more easily. Also, you might want to try adding more personality and "show" instead of "tell." Even the short answer can make a big difference in your application.

Undergraduate / "Our motto is Ut Prosim" - Virginia Tech Application Essays [4]


The beginning of the sentence is slightly awkward. Also, you might want to think of your word choice with the word "late;" it sounds kind of redundant. And maybe you don't want to say that you didn't have the connections to get work ahead of time, but something more along the lines of being behind everyone trying to catch up? Just a thought.

For your Ut Prosim, try talking about one particular experience or something that would make you really stand out. Just saying you're great at it will make you sound like every other candidate.