Essays / "entry test is not the sole critarien for the students salection" - debate? [4]

Hi thenilse,
A few questions before i can help

Is this an entrance essay for an application to college for business degree?

It sounds like you were employed in a administrative/secretarial role and have experience. Things you will need to include in your essay might be regarding how fast you can type, what your duties included, how is your performance at work do you show up on time, work later to get work done, do your assigned duties at work get done promptly. what kind of employee are you and what kinds of duties have you improved on and learned while working at this type of job. what are your expectations of college. Let me know if this is helpful

rdepree

Undergraduate / Turning Points Essay! Needs better grammatical and sentence structure [2]

Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing. It's the rhythm of your life. It's the expression in time and movement, in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."- Jaques D'Amboise. Ever( no y at the end of ever) since I was a little demon, I would be astonished and mesmerized by how a dancer could captivate your attention on(remove on put with) their movements. One simple technique could keep you wondering all night. Questions you would ask yourself would be; how did he do that or how much practice did it take him/her just to perfect that one single move? I've had this urge, ever since I was 7 years old, to be able to entertain thousands of millions (get rid of of millions) of people on a stage. I've always thought that life is about leaving your mark in this world. I feel that through dance I could transmit my life story and leave my mark. I know that I will get to the top by practicing and putting one hundred twenty percent(just say one hundred percent here) of dedication and passion into my performance. My life has gone in a completely different direction after ambition that I've found.(I don't like the previous sentence here, you may want to just omit it) I have been practicing and learning many different styles of dance (Jerking, Bonebreaking, Turfing, Popping, Matrix) along my pilgrimage. "You do a certain movement and tons of people in the crowd go "Oooh" , and you didn't even need to say nothing, tell a joke, sing lyrics because you were just moving to the beat. That always gets them" -Alonzo Jones (you may need to cite where you got the quotes from in this paper if it is a scholarly paper.) Let me know if this was helpful and I will finish the rest. redepree