Undergraduate / 'together like a huge family' - Admissions ubc [6]

I need some help with my essay,iam not sure about my grammar and the connection between two sentences...Could someone help me to make it better,need some feedback about my essay too.i really appreciated .

Question : tell us about experience ,in school or out ,that caused you to rethink or change your perspective what impact has this on you? Maximum 200 words

I still remember the excitement and nervousness of my first visit to suburban orphanage in moon festival as clearly as if it happened yesterday, but it was exactly three years from now. At 8 o'clock in that morning, I and my friends with a lot of presents such as: clothes , moon cakes, especially lantern which were bought by our saving money, gathered at meeting place ready for the trip . From the moment,we got there, all the teachers and children were waiting in the front yard to welcome us. Subsequently, we divided all the gifts into smaller pieces for each kid,I and some friends had the responsibility of dressing children with our new clothes . After making good appearance for kids, however, it was almost time so everyone joined hand to place the meaningful cake in order to celebrate the special festival in time. When the full moon rose ,we all got together like a huge family to enjoy the beauty of the moon ,the flavor of moon cake,the kids were chasing around and singing typical song with brilliant lantern in their hand . At that period, I had for the first time found what true sympathy is.

About 200 words

Writing Feedback / the largest percentage was presented in teacher; Ilets task 1 pie charts [3]

I need some helps with my ielt writting task 1 ,pls suggest me sth strategy that can help me improve my skill

The three pie charts illustrate the figure of annual expenditure of accurate bristish school in 1981 ,1991, 2001.

According to the information shown by the graphs ,the largest percentage was presented in teacher' salaries over 3 years ,while the least amount of budget was allocated to insurance . Initially,there was a gradual increase of 6% in insurance in comparison with the steady decline in the percentage of other worker ' salaries from 28% to 15% . In the first 10years ,the cost of resources rose moderately by 5% was followed by the dramatic decrease about 11% in 2001 . In the term of furniture and equipment the school reduced the expense of 10% from 1981 to 1991 ,before surging steeply by 18% In 2001 .Subsequently,in the first decade ,there was a soar between 40% and 50% ,and then dropping to 45% in next tenth years.

Overall, we can be aware of the different types of expense in UK school throughout 3 years.