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Posts by pinkfloyd
Joined: Dec 2, 2012
Last Post: Dec 23, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: Bangladesh

Displayed posts: 7
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pinkfloyd   
Dec 2, 2012
Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate" - I don't fear audience anymore! [2]

Break the first line into two or more parts.

"Needless to say, I struggled through most of the speech and recall spouting? uttering? more "um's" and "uh's" than substantive words, but that day, I could sigh from relief." Again, this sentence could have two good short sentences

"I have the drive and the desire" Using "and" makes it sound better, and is a safer option if the reader is tired.

I don't really like the last line. It could be better.

Overall, it is good.
pinkfloyd   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Amherst Supplement: Rigor and Insight / "Another chapter in Amherst" [3]

Prompt is: 1. "Rigorous reasoning is crucial in mathematics, and insight plays an important secondary role these days. In the natural sciences, I would say that the order of these two virtues is reversed. Rigor is, of course, very important. But the most important value is insight--insight into the workings of the world. It may be because there is another guarantor of correctness in the sciences, namely, the empirical evidence from observation and experiments."

I just stood there, the wry smile belying the confusion raging inside the timid body of the teacher that I possessed. Why is beard - la barbe- feminine? Searching eyes looked up for an insight from their venerated- I hoped- teacher. I ran my fingers through the mess I called a beard, wondering how centuries of rigorous reasoning failed to answer this question. A few snickers ran wild in the classroom, and flustered, I cursed Descartes and his fellow vagabond thinkers for failing to find the answer to a question that must have plagued mankind for centuries. Alas, reasoning had found another victim, one that now wore a puzzlingly feminine mark of masculinity.

Ever since this astonishing disruption in my unequivocal belief in rigorous reasoning, I have come across several instances where the shortcomings of rigorous reasoning are all too evident. I played along many a song to a friend who needed an emotional kick, padding my songs with the happiest C and G chords. As the glares of my friends piled up, I quickly grasped how I lacked the appropriate insight. My once appalling reaction to insight's power in the science of the human mind slowly began to grow into an affectionate tryst.

Today, a sad little pumpkin would find me handing out dark, brown, and downright murky bars of food. However, wise as I am today, I have realized that chocolate's power transcended our well-thought out infatuations with bright colors. The bitterness, which I thought would be a dagger to the well-being of the well-meaning children living in desolate slums, was, in fact, theobromine, a stimulant. Insight. Alas, this insight prevented several awkward rendezvouses with my battered guitar, and rather turned my work in my youth organization into something worth smiling about.

The frequent failures of rigorous reasoning in the sciences have made my fixation with the working of the physical world all the bore exciting. It is this need for insight that has become my joie de vivre. Seldom could I refuse to squirm in wonder at how perfect darkness could be achieved inside a mirror ball. Nor could the peculiar workings of the PN-diode taunt me any further! My quest for insight has, unfortunately, become not only my raison d'etre, but my inspiration to persevere as well.

Slowly but surely perhaps my quest is now journeying eastwards, with newly-borne hope and determination, heading across the Pacific towards another chapter in Amherst, Massachusetts. I smile; maybe someday, my tryst with peculiar insights would lead me to the answer to the question that bummed me every time I pick up my razor.

Also, could you tell me which parts might be weak, and where I can improve?
pinkfloyd   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "How will you engage academically at Penn?" Short Answer University of Pennsylvania [3]

At the University of Pennsylvania, I am applying to the Huntsman Program for International Studies and Business. I have always found other cultures to be incredibly exciting because they show a point of view like what? and way of life that is much different from my own. On the other hand, I am also interested in business because it can have so many applications in a variety of careerswhat application, what kind of careers? what are your specific ideas about your career?. Due to my interest in both of these areas of study what interest? how much? did you demonstrate interest before through some ECAs?, I was excited to find that Penn had a specific program that would allow me to pursue each one. I love how the Huntsman Program is able to offer an intense and immersive level of study that would enable me to really get to know a certain culturesuch as?, instead of just skimming the surface. Since I have studied Spanish for five years, I am eager to advance my language skills but also my knowledge of Hispanic culture. I know that the Huntsman Program at Penn would be able to give me the skills to not only connect with a particular area of the world, but also give me the business sense to do so as part of an international company.

Even if I were not accepted into the Huntsman Program, I am still interested in Penn because although there are separate schools, it seems like the university is not divided along those lines. No matter what I studied, I would still have access to the same level of education. I know that I would still be able to pursue my interests in other cultures by studying International Relations at the College of Arts and Sciences, my single-degree program of choice.

The last paragraph is a little weak. Be a little more upbeat or excited about Penn. Penn people love that!

If you expand on the questions I pointed out here and there, this could be much better, in my opinion.

Good luck.
pinkfloyd   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / I belong to all 3 classes depending on circumstances; UPenn ;"All mankind.." [9]

I don't think there is any need for the first line.

to see things I didn't sawsee before,

I feel as though this essay should show more than tell. You should expand on exactly why you feel that you belong in a certain group at a certain time. Your essay should not only be about what you think, but also about what you already did.

I'm sure the final draft would be great though.
pinkfloyd   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Why Yale? Candidness in teaching - Yale Supp [5]

"the thing that struck out was the candidness in teaching, without sacrificing rigor of the subject."
the part after the comma should be changed. You should modify the entire sentence.

"makes Yale a perfect place for me pursue creativity."
you could write "makes Yale the perfect creative haven for me", or something along those lines.
"prompt: If you could witness one moment in history, what would it be and why? (175 characters)
The settlement of Humans as a society as this was the moment which defined our very way of living . Understanding the roots can help us solve present social turmoil problems."

I really think you should be more specific here.

"You cannot live alone.Earlier,I tended to avoid people, tried to be on my own,but I cannot live without having people around me and sharing my thoughts and feelings with them."

I'm not exactly sure why, but I feel this is not on par with the rest of your answers. Maybe you should try to phrase it better somehow, try evoking emotion. The phrasing here is too rigid, I think.

I need some help with my Amherst supplement.
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