Undergraduate / Life has taught me to be happy with few; Common App / Diversity [3]

scrooge

Maybe start your essay with the war or a bomb--something explosive and shocking that really exemplifies how you were exposed to something like this so young.

I think the point i got from your essay was that you've seen what people can become when they're ignorant and close-minded. you've seen the effects on a country and in your family. Talk about what you've done to address that. It doesn't have to be big or political. Show that you're positive rather than telling us. Leave us with the impression that you're charged with an energy to keep spirits high and prejudice down because of your experiences. That, I think, would make you a very valuable asset to a college campus.

Undergraduate / "Happiness is a choice"; Stanford Supp - Letter to Roommate [9]

maybe also add a little example of a time where you made that choice. other than that it seems really genuine!

Undergraduate / A firefighter is as much of a super hero as superman or batman; SUPER HERO [3]

As far as super heroes are concerned, I don't believe that one needs to have super powers. A firefighter is as much of a super hero as superman or batman, even more so in his own right.

^^Why include that if that's not what you talk about in your essay?

For my chosen super power, becoming a super villain seems much easier to do. Go back in time a little and mess with the present. However, according to popular belief, the universe protects itself, leaving my devious plans to rewrite history in the dust.

^^This is a little confusing. Are you saying you would rise to the occasion only because the universe would thwart your plans of evil? That doesn't seem like something you want to share about your character...

I love your last sentence--very witty.

Grammar, Usage / When to use comma before and? [6]

Two situations:

a list with more than three things (I like chocolate, cheese, and pizza. I enjoy walking, running, eating, and sleeping.)
or
if you're connecting two independent clauses (michael has been running for ten years, and today he won his first race.)

Grammar, Usage / When to use comma before and? [6]

here is a better example:

Michael has been running for ten years, and today he is the fastest man in town.

Grammar, Usage / When to use comma before and? [6]

[Hurricane Sandy caused many tree limbs to fall on power lines], and [many people were without electricity for days].