Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by holmes01234
Joined: Dec 31, 2012
Last Post: Jan 1, 2013
Threads: 4
Posts: 12  
From: united states

Displayed posts: 16
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holmes01234   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I was accompanying the choir on the piano ; Common App/ Experience [5]

My Experience as a Student Accompanist
It was just one of those middle school choir concerts. In the packed gymnasium, I was accompanying the choir on the piano and feeling confident. The problem was that I was too confident - as a seventh grader, I lacked the experience that would have rendered me to be alert. My lack of focus led to spacing out in the middle of my songs, and during a particular piece I suddenly found myself on the wrong measure. I tried desperately to get back on track but failed, and the song fell into deeper dissonance. Frozen in fear, I stopped playing, the confused choir stopped singing, and the whole gymnasium fell into silence. I was humiliated. I was devastated by the fact that I had botched a whole quarter of hard work my choir had put in for that concert.

'How did that happen?' was the question that lingered on my mind for a long time. The answer was fairly obvious - I was unprepared and careless. I was cocky. In my tiny town, nobody my age could play piano, and I had thought of my musicianship as a big feat. I had been living in a box, a comfort zone thinking that even if I didn't apply myself, everything would turn out in my favor. What happened at the concert helped me bust out of that box. It hit me with the realization that without hard work, I could never move forward. It provided me with a motivation because I learned that a personal failure is never really 'personal' - it is bound to affect everyone around me. In our native Korean language my mother would always say to me, "Whatever you do, give it your best." It didn't matter if I was practicing piano or studying for an exam, what mattered was that I had to give my heart to it. In the next several years, I found myself working harder than ever. I stayed after school to practice my vocal solo. During ski practice, I gritted my teeth and sprinted up our infamous Bear Hill. When I came home, I practiced piano and studied my AP Chemistry book for hours. And along the way, I began to love everything that I truly gave my best to. I became fascinated by how molecules reacted together to form the world. I started enjoying the thrill of dashing through trails on my skis. My passion for music also grew exponentially. All my hard work paid off at the end, too. Hearing the applause after my piano performance, competing at State for both cross-country skiing and singing, and receiving a "5" on my AP Chemistry exam were some of the most rewarding moments of my life.

In retrospect, botching up that concert in seventh grade was essential in my growth as not only a musician, but as a person. It helped me become a well-round student with a desire to always better myself. Because I am aware of my need to improve, I am a hard worker. I am grateful for my unique experience that has enabled me to succeed in ways that continue to surprise myself and those around me.

I want to make i flow better especially in the middle paragaphs, but having a hard time WHat do you guys think??? THanks in advance
holmes01234   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / High quality education/ universal life experience; BROWN UNIVERSITY/ Why? [4]

to be honest, I feel like the admissions office is going to receive thousands of essays that look just like this. 1) I want to go to college to receive higher education. 2) I will grow up away from home. It seems a bit cliched. You can't change the whole thing now, why not try to implement an experience of your own to the essay to make it just a bit more unique??? You should read my common app essay too.
holmes01234   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I found myself averting from classical music; Common App [15]

"- until I met Lang Lang."
you never really 'met' him. you saw him at his concert. Get rid of "I first met Lang Lang at his piano concert with my aun'ts ticket." change it to something like " I first saw Lang Lang when my aunt took me to his concert."
holmes01234   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / It looked into my eyes and said, "Have faith"; NYU-What intrigues you? [5]

Such was the surrounding that as I leisurely followed the road, sometimes slowing to admire the sunset; it was at terrible contrast when I came to a sudden jerky stop. Terrible indeed, but I must deem it appropriate. Because in the middle of two beautiful houses, one cream based and the other gold, sat a tree. Smack center in the street.

get rid of "slowing to admire the sunset" as it is irrelevant with the passage. Also get rid of "terrible indeed, but I must deem it appropriate."

overall, very well written response. Can you please read mine???
holmes01234   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Produce Software; UVa Sup/ Engineering: what would you do? [5]

How does the computer inspire you? You have to be more specific.

"An operating system, by definition, should do two things: manage all of the resources (memory, processing power, etc.) and provide an environment for applications to run and use hardware. Building one is in no way an easy task, but given a few thousand hours and enough dedication, it can be done. It would be the perfect low-budget project as well, costing little more than enough for a few computers and some software. "

you talk about building an operating system, and what it does. Again, you need to be more specific. What would this operating system of yours do? Yea, I get that it will "manage all the resourses " but it's too general. What specific resources do you want it to manage??
holmes01234   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Make something/ love my job/ tell my kids about my life; "Why want to go to college?" [3]

Ok. Maybe it's not that funny. But I wanted to grab your attention. Here it goes :

Have you seen the remakes of the American Pie series? The god-awful straight-to DVD renditions, the ones without the original cast or humor, completely devoid of any developing plot or character intimacy? Take this one scene from American Pie Beta House : Some fraternity guys chilling on the balcony talking about girls - they never talk about studying. I mean, come on, who goes to college to study? - when they see a beautiful blonde walking across campus. Dramatic military music starts playing in the background, and the shirtless jock stands up and announces, "All right, boys, two clicks north." His buddies aim their launcher and shoots, and the water balloon lands right on the girl, who, of course, is wearing a white shirt without a bra. Upon this scene my best friend turned to me and said, "Dude, I can't wait until college," in which I replied, "me neither." This, of course, was back in my freshman year. Surprisingly, this is how a lot of my friends still view college. Even my little sister says she wants to go to college to party. I just don't have the time for this immaturity anymore. I have already spent eighteen years of my life, close to a third which I wasted away sleeping and watching crappy comedies. I learned a lot in high school, sure. I learned which chemical reactions took place to heat my school. I learned which Native American finally got pissed off and said, "We've had enough. We want our land back," and started a bloody war. Heck, I even learned how to ask for directions if I ever got lost in Mexico. But college promises more. Not just new material from text books, but experience away from Mom, chance to meet new people, and an education that I can't get anywhere else. I want to be successful, to be able to send my hard working parents on a vacation for once. I want to make something out of myself, to love my job, to be able to proudly tell my kids about my life. College will make this possible. That's why, more than anything, I want to go to college.

This was thrown together in a really short time, so feel free to tear it to pieces.
holmes01234   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Worthless; Stupid; Failure, these words shackled every aspect of my life [5]

Gradually, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me. So, I decided to take control.

First sentence is kind of awkward. How about, "naturally, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me, which led me to take control of this situation." or something like that.

overall, very good written essay.
holmes01234   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Subject combination/ professors/Swimming coach ; Why Rochester?/Meliora experience [4]

Why Rochester? - The University of Rochester is one of two universities listed by The Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching as arts-and-science focused, medium-sized, and highly residential, with comprehensive PhD programs, medical schools, and very high research activity. Both offer undergraduates an unusual degree of freedom in their curriculum. Which of these characteristics (or others) are leading you to apply to Rochester?

I am drawn to Rochester because this school offers what no other school does. My love for music, math, and science has made me try to find ways to somehow combine them in my career. Amidst my research I came across an article in which students and professors at Rochester developed a computer program that allowed a computer to 'learn' an instrument. It fascinated me that after recording a clarinet player, the computer could play out the sounds of that particular instrument - with perfect note precision, dynamics, and even emotion. After reading this article, I knew there had to be more amazing opportunities for me at Rochester. With more research I discovered Rochester's new audio & music engineering major, a major that combines engineering and music for students that have a passion for both. This is why I want to go to Rochester - if I am accepted, I would be able to participate in this amazing opportunity that I would not get anywhere else.

Meliora: ''Ever better'' - The University's motto directs our focus toward continual improvement through learning, discovery, creativity, and enterprising collaborations among people with different points of view. Describe a ''Meliora'' experience from your life.

"Let go of me," I begged the bawling seven year old that clung onto my hair for dear life. "No!" She screamed right into my ears. "But your feet can touch the bottom here!" I argued back, only to be buried in the kid's wailing. This was how my swim lessons usually started. Most kids were terrified at even the mention of water, and getting them off their paranoid mothers - or me- proved a demanding task. However, I was not alone. My boss, who is an instructor himself, was in every step of the way to help me. He taught me how to hold the kids so they feel safe. He told me what to say to the kids to encourage them and make them laugh. It was a difficult process, and I worked very hard. At the end, it was more than worth it. Watching those kids finally swim by themselves, knowing that I had created in them confidence and the love for water, I was overcome with satisfaction and happiness. Working as a water safety instructor has helped me become patient and encouraging. It has taught me to be understanding, as I imagined myself in the kids' shoes and realized that I, too, would have been terrified. Being a swimming teacher has proven to be an indispensable experience that shaped who I am today.

The second one is too long, I need to cut about 200 characters. What do you guys think??
holmes01234   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / WATCHING GLEE; UVA / Like, but pretend I dont [3]

"Dude, I can't believe you are watching Glee," I would say to my little brother. Then I would continue peeking at the TV to finish listening to their song. To be completely honest, I fell in love with their music when I first heard it. My iPod is secretly full of Glee Cast song. I love their take on mix of a capella and instrumentals. I was ecstatic when my show choir decided to perform the Glee Cast version of "Don't Stop Believing," and was even more excited when my choir director gave me the male lead. So why do I pretend I don't like Glee? When I first watched Glee with my brother, there was just something about the show - the absurd representation of high school, or maybe even the gay (literally) drama - that the 'man' side of me raised the flag against. So I announced that the show was not worth my time, and turned my back. I wish I hadn't, but I can't go back on my word. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if I started watching the show now, my credibility as a big brother would be hopelessly lost. I can't risk losing the respect from my brother. So for now, I resort to downloading their music from iTunes and secretly watching short clips of their songs on Youtube.

couple of hours left. WHat do you guys think
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