Undergraduate / Photographs never cease to amaze me; NYU - Personal Statement B [5]

photographs offer me comfort for the future

Hi everyone I know this is a little rough but I'd really appreciate some feedback on one of my NYU supplements! Here's the prompt: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

I lift the lid off of an old, deteriorating cardboard box. I peer inside, into a mass of faces and places. I reach in, and pull out a single photograph, the edges slightly worn and yellowed from age and constant handling. I gaze at it, into the content faces of my mother, my father, my sister, and my younger self. I pull out another photograph, and another, and another, until my lap is blanketed by the resulting pile of pictures, each one a glimpse into the past, a piece of an experience that has come and gone, a reminder of those long since forgotten. As I sort through them, I laugh at a photograph of my four-year-old self, parading around in a Pocahontas costume, while I am nearly drawn to tears by a photograph of my uncle who passed away of cancer. For this reason, photographs never cease to amaze me. They capture instances in time, freezing and preserving everything that occurs within that moment for years to come. Whether the moments they embody are seemingly priceless or common, each time I look at a photograph, it invokes emotion in me. The photograph helps me reminisce on older, and often simpler, times. No matter how many years pass, or how much the people or circumstances around me may age or change, my boxes are kept away from the rest of the world, allowing the pictures within them to remain untouched and therefore, to me, that much more beautiful. Through my reminiscence, photographs offer me not only a window into the past, but also comfort for the future.

Undergraduate / Victim of cyber-bullying; BOSTON/ Heard or experienced for the first time [5]

I know this isn't very good, but I appreciate any constructive criticism!
In his novel, Let the Great World Spin, Colum McCann writes:

"We seldom know what we're hearing when we hear something for the first time, but one thing is certain: we hear it as we will never hear it again. We return to the moment to experience it, I suppose, but we can never really find it, only its memory, the faintest imprint of what it really was, what it meant."

Tell us about something you heard or experienced for the first time and how the years since have affected your perception of that moment.

It was official. At fifteen, I had become a victim of cyber-bullying. I attempted to shrug the words off, but I could not keep myself from turning them over in my head, again and again. "ur fat. and ugly. and mean. you can probably change the first one but the latter two stay with you." I could feel the thoughts I had been trying so desperately to hide, creep towards the surface. My eyes watered, and I could feel my cheeks warm. Even after being called fat and ugly countless times, the sting never seemed to fade. Each time people decided to point out my insecurities so explicitly, they never failed to hurt me. To make matters worse, the completely foreign concept that I was mean simply worsened the pain. I was going to be mean and ugly for the rest of my life. In a desperate and perhaps, pathetic attempt to mend my deteriorating self-image, I posted the insult on my Tumblr page, and agreed with the anonymous person who had insulted me, hoping he or she would apologize. Whoever it was, he or she never did.

What happened next, was nothing like what I expected. Loving and encouraging words for me, as well as retaliating words for the "bully," poured into my inbox. While I sat in bed with tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes, I read about fifteen messages, ranging from "you're beautiful" to "I realize that maybe nothing I say will convince you, but I will still try. you are beautiful, seeing you makes me smile every time. how does so much life fit into one girl, so much amazingness? be happy." In that moment, all of the insults, the taunts, the cruelty I had increasingly been receiving, seemed to dissipate. I was not ugly or fat or mean or two-faced as I had been told so many times; no, on the contrary, I was beautiful. I was amazing. I was sweet, worthy, and perfect.

Today, I look back on that day and see what others may: a sad, lonely, self-despising girl who faced a different form of bullying for the first time. However, the similarities end there. Beyond that, I also see a girl who, for the first time, felt love and edification that were strong and powerful enough to change her life. The words of both friends and strangers, who jumped to my defense without a second thought, turned me around.

Undergraduate / Singing/Caring for grandma; GEORGETOWN - Me & Experience [4]

As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.

The audience chatters in the darkness. The guitarist strums his strings, checking that they are in tune. The drummer hits the kick drum, testing out the pedal. The bassist plucks at a string, adjusting the volume. The singer steps forward and into the spotlight, as the audience and cacophony of sounds quiet down to a deep silence. The singer flicks on the microphone.

Though I have been singing for as long as I can remember, my first public performance did not occur until seventh grade, when I was asked to sing for my church's worship band. After weeks of preparation and practice, I was pronounced ready, but as soon as I stepped onto stage, my heart dropped. Looking anxiously at the leader, who gave me a quick nod of encouragement, I uttered the first note. An extreme ecstasy swelled up inside of me. The fact that I could experience and express my passion for singing at the same time simply rocked me to my core. It brought about a surge of unexpected and renewed passion.

Starting with piano lessons at the age of four, cello lessons at the age of nine, and guitar lessons at the age of twelve, music has remained a constant presence throughout my life. Through these three instruments, I learned musical theories and techniques and was imbued with a sense of responsibility, patience, and dedication through the process of refining and mastering new pieces and songs. Singing, however, led to me to connect my passion for music with others.

Despite my outgoing exterior and others' perceptions of me as a strong and confident girl, in the past, I was bothered by the nagging belief that I did not conform to others' expectations of me and that I was not pushing myself hard enough to meet those expectations. Through singing, however, I found an outlet through which I could create moments to free myself from the restrictions placed on me by my parents and peers. These moments shaped my identity.

Confronting the lingering sense of self-consciousness in my mind and finding the courage to go on stage and sing in front of an audience have not only been my proudest achievements but have also opened doors for me to reach out to those around me. By creating moments during which others too can reflect, think, and express themselves through the power of music, I share my hopes and struggles with them. Watching others sing with me and sharing those moments with them have allowed me to bond with people in ways that would have otherwise been impossible. These moments define how I connect with others.

During the moment after I open my mouth for the first time and allow a sound to escape, each word, each note, each pause that I release forms something beautiful and stirring. Everywhere I look, the audience sways and sings along. As the song ends, the energy from the audience remains powerful and austere, and I realize: I have created my first moment.

Describe how your experiences or ideas shaped your decision to pursue a health profession and how these experiences or ideas may aid your future contribution to the field.

A bell rings downstairs. I push my homework aside and run down the stairs to my grandmother's room. A composed and neat woman with a petite frame, she smiles up at me from under her yellow comforter. She asks me to fill a tub of water to soak her infected toe, and she informs me that the blinds in the kitchen need to be closed. I attend to her requests, give her a hug, and ask her if she needs anything else, to which she insistently refuses. As I climb back up the stairs, she calls me back. I walk into the room and she hands me her water pitcher, asking me to fill it for her. This is a routine that has become second nature to me.

Caring for my grandmother has been challenging. After she suffered from a stroke years ago, her ability to move and complete simple tasks became severely limited. With my parents working full time, I effectively have become my grandmother's caretaker. Through the years, my friends' conversations have been a constant reminder of everything I could not do--continuing to play on the lacrosse team, going to football games, or even going to the mall. I could not help but feel like opportunities were passing me by.

One day after coming home from school, I went to my grandmother's room and found her bed empty. After searching the rest of the house, I called my mother, who informed me that my grandmother had been admitted to the hospital. Though the situation was not serious, I could not help but think that when she got out, if I took really good care of her, she would not end up in the hospital again. In that moment, what had seemed so arduous became the thing I cherished the most. I tried to carry on with my day, but on that particular afternoon, the sight of her empty yellow bed as well as the ringing silence in the house left an indelible image in my mind of my grandmother's mortality and my need to take care of her, both for her and for myself.

Over the years, my relationship with my grandmother has been slowly shaping my dreams and aspirations to pursue a career in healthcare. It has taught me patience from spending those extra minutes to help her take her labored steps from the bedroom to the kitchen or by accompanying her to the doctor's office; responsibility as a result of diligently helping her take her medications daily; and maturity from the broader perspective that my grandmother instilled in me about what is truly important in life.

Taking care of my grandmother has been one of the luckiest things to ever happen to me. Though her needs have grown over the years, I am fueled by a refined sense of purpose. My relationship with my grandmother continues to inspire and motivate my world.

Undergraduate / Next four years as a UC San Diego Triton is the best thing that could happen to me! [4]

"To reserve your place on the waitlist, please submit a brief 200-word statement telling us why you would like to attend UC San Diego."

Word Count: 195
Spending the next four years as a UC San Diego Triton is one of the best things that could happen to me. It would not only allow me to pursue my education in biomedical engineering at one of the top universities in the nation, but it would also place me in an area brimming with opportunities for someone with a biomedical engineering background. Furthermore, after visiting UCSD, I found that it exemplifies everything I look for in a college: an atmosphere conducive and dedicated to academic excellence and high achievement, students with passion and drive that mirrors my own, the perfect location in a beautiful and accessible area, and a social scene that would allow me to explore all that UCSD, as well as San Diego itself, has to offer. Beyond what UCSD could offer me however, I am confident that I could contribute to UCSD as well. Aside from being a hardworking and intelligent student, I find myself to be a well-rounded and creative free spirit. I hope that the sum of my qualities along with UCSD's passionate and high achieving yet laidback and fun environment prove to be perfect fits for each other.