Undergraduate / 'I move. I change. I create.' - UPenn Ben Franklin essay [4]

You can elaborate on the last paragraph. How exactly will it lead you to a successful future?
Other than that, it's a great set of ideas. :)

Undergraduate / Chartered Accountant - Schulich School-Business Admin [9]

By attending the Schulich School of Business, I can achieve my goal, while still having the flexibility of ten specializations in the case that my career aspirations changes. (This is unclear)

Like a priceless pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, Schulich's four year BBA program offers its own pot of gold filled with knowledge through its rich resource of students and teachers. Accompanying this with Schulich's word class reputation of business excellence, my skills will be developed to unprecedented heights.

(Please please please like my post even if I wasn't of much help. I'm stuck with a problem and really need some likes to make the site solve it. Urgent!)

Letters / cover letter for a visiting researcher position (fabrication and characterization) [4]

As I mentioned in my previous email I am able to take advantage of a sabbatical time for maximum one year. (Try rephrasing this sentence)

The rest is well written.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Many children these days have their own mobile phones. advantages/disadvantages [3]

Concluding, the misuse of mobile phones will harm the future of today's younger generation.Childrenget easily distracted by the attractive features of the mobiles and hamper their studies .